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Culture The 12 Struggles of Being Kinda Fit But Kinda Fat  

CE Hudspeth
28.1k views 12 items
When metabolism slows but the longing for delicious junk food remains powerful, you may find yourself packing on pounds. Revolted by your newfound plumpness, perhaps you implement changes to diet and exercise. Yet these changes do little to transform you from a round mass of soft flesh to a taut wire of skinny muscle. You inhabit a nebulous realm, a no man's land between obese and thin, grotesque and fit. You look like a model in Nebraska and Jabba the Hutt in Los Angeles. With this remorseless purgatory come a new spate of struggles, the daily torment of being kinda fit, but kinda fat. 

Impetus for Change Remains Weak

You aren't fit like a professional athlete, but neither do you look like Fat Albert. If you had a health issue, you’d made dietary changes and hit the gym. But your pudginess does little more than make you a little less comfortable with your body; you don’t feel the need to act drastically and immediately.

The Perpetual Nightmare of the Medium Size

Small is too tight, large is too baggy. Medium? It's just not very flattering; sometimes it works, other times (damn you blended fabrics!) medium proves too form fitting for comfort, a spotlight shone bright across the embarrassing formless mass of your melting muscles and expanding epidermis. Also sometimes medium just straight up doesn't fit, especially after its been through the dryer.   

Cold Climate Layering Neurosis

According to Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Cold Climate Layering Neurosis occurs when an individual with a kinda fit, kinda fat body layers clothes to combat winter weather. Said layering makes the body appear bulkier than it may be, an effect not aided by pudginess in the face. Thus those suffering from Cold Climate Layering Neurosis must decided whether to be extremely cold all day, or look like a walrus in human clothes. 

When "Treat Yourself" Is Synonymous with "Destroy Yourself"

You're very proud of yourself. You've been doing a great job staying on top of things; going to the gym, working out hard, eating right. You deserve a treat, no? NO YOU DON'T. Because you know you will destroy everything you've worked for when you get your kinda fit, kinda fat sandwich clamps on the saccrine offal that got you inot this predicament in the first place.