Dale Gribble has espoused conspiracy theories on King of the Hill since the first episode of the animated series. Hank's best friend and the most paranoid crackpot in Arlen, Texas has a lot of distrust of the federal government and virtually any institution or living creature. Despite his paranoia, however, Dale is unable to grasp even the most obvious facts, such as his wife Nancy's ongoing affair with local stud John Redcorn.
Even when you think you've heard all of the Dale conspiracy theories, he comes up with another elaborate, totally unfounded notion to add to the theory pile.
The U.S. Postal Service and the Red Cross Want Citizens Fat and Docile
Before his conversion to a pro-American stance in "Dale to the Chief," Dale shares with Hank the real reason why Hank is having so much difficulty navigating the bureacracies of the post office and the DMV."I'll tell you why your license is taking so long," Dale explains. "The U.S. Postal Service is bogged down in the most elaborate psyops campaign in history. First they fatten us up with all those 2-for-1 pizza coupons, then when we're too logy to put up a fight, they sell us off to the Red Cross, who removes our kidneys, which go back on the pizzas to start the process all over again."26092Is this crazy?
The Super Bowl Is Taped Six Months in Advance
Hank is torn between watching the Super Bowl and playing God in "Meet the Manger Babies," but Dale helpfully puts things back into perspective.
"The Super Bowl was pre-taped six months ago in the same Nevada hangar where they faked the moon landing," he points out.So the Super Bowl is just as fixed as pro wrestling, but with a much better budget and an unknown clandestine purpose.272101Is this crazy?
Fire Ants Murdered L. Ron Hubbard
In "King of the Ant Hill," Dale calmly shares what he believes really killed the notorious author of Dianetics and founder of Scientology. Fire ants aren't just a nuisance, but a group of organized murderers!"These fire ants are well-organized, highly trained insects," he says. "They'll swarm all over you and sting you all at once without warning on a single command. It's how they killed L. Ron Hubbard."18954Is this crazy?
The Pyramids Were Originally Built Upside Down
In "Texas City Twister," Dale hints at his belief that the pyramids originally had large flat tops and rested on their points.
"You know how the Egyptians un-tipped the pyramids, don't you? With a winch, a cinder block, and 50,000 Hebrew slaves," he says. "You got a cinder block?"So wait, if the Egyptians just un-tipped the pyramids, who put them there in the first place?19258Is this crazy?