Boomhauer Is An Undercover Spy Keeping Tabs On Dale
Redditor irrelevant_inquirer concocted a theory regarding Boomhauer’s reason for living in Arlen, based on a piece of information revealed in the show’s final episode.
Here’s the theory:
"In the last episode of the series, the one where Bobby joins the college meat-inspecting team, it's revealed that Boomhauer is, in fact, a Texas Ranger. At no other point in the series, is any mention made of this. It seems rather odd, as Hank, Dale, and Bill will often talk about their work with each other, and yet no one seems interested in Boomhauer's law-enforcement career, nor, do they ever mention him having a job at all. Until the final reveal, it seemed like Boomhauer was free all hours of the day to chase women and sunbathe. Why would Boomhauer's closest friends not ever question or discuss his job? especially considering the numerous times the characters have broken the law, such as stealing a tank from the Army base? It's simple; they have no idea he's a Texas Ranger. And they have no idea, because he's undercover.
The next natural question s why would he be undercover in sleepy Arlen, TX? Again, there's a simple answer; Dale. Dale makes no secret of his opposition to the government. He's been a member of at least one local militia movement, has trafficked illegal weapons, and seems to have contact with international criminals (as evidenced when he speaks in Russian to the shady guy about buying a Walrus). So, frankly, it would be alarming if Dale wasn't under surveillance.
Also, look at the layout of the neighborhood. It can be kind of hard to nail down exactly how the homes are laid out, but it is clear that Boomhauer's backyard backs to the alley, as does Dale's, presenting a clear method by which Boomhauer can quietly observe Dale's activities.
In flashbacks throughout the series, the four main characters, Dale, Hank, Boomhauer, and Bill, are shown to have grown up together. This may seem to work against my theory, but I actually think it works in favor. Boomhauer was specifically chosen for this assignment because he already had a relationship with Dale, and no one would view him as an 'outsider' within his own hometown. Boomhauer's superiors chose him so they would not have to waste time and resources getting another Ranger close to Dale. It had already been done. So they sent him back to Arlen, likely with a cover story to give to his childhood friends about why he was suddenly back in town.Boomhauer, however, knows Dale well, and understands that Dale is too much of a buffoon to ever be a real threat to the government. So he accepts the assignment, knowing full-well he'll likely never have to take action against his old friend. Instead, he lives out his bachelor lifestyle, and may in fact even be protecting Dale by continuously sending reports to his boss saying he needs more time to collect evidence, and therefore prevents authorities from ever taking Dale down. And no one on Rainey St. Will ever likely know."
Dale Knows Joseph Isn't His Son And Intentionally Plays The Fool
There’s a running joke on King of the Hill that Nancy Gribble, Dale’s wife, has a long-running affair with John Redcorn. It's common knowledge that Redcorn is the biological father of Nancy and Dale's son, Joseph. While many assume Dale is simply too dumb to realize this, Redditor OriginalName18 suggests Dale is well aware of the situation, and playing his cards close to his chest.
“While Dale might not be the sharpest tool he caught on immediately to what was going on. The man is beyond paranoid to the point where he thinks the government and aliens are keeping tabs on him. Why wouldn't he be suspicious that his attractive wife might be deceiving him? That sounds right up his alley. He often questions what his wife sees in him in the first place. He knows Joseph doesn't resemble him in the slightest. Dale might not be that bright but I don't he's so dumb he doesn't see that Joseph looks more like the massage therapist that's been frequently visiting his wife for years. He has a spiritual hallucination where he was lying in bed with his wife but she had the head of a mantis and decapitated him representing revelation. Honestly I think he knew right from beginning.
So if Dale knew this why didn't he do anything about it? Because he has a perfect life that he doesn't want to jeopardize it. He is a great father and loves Joseph sincerely. His wife pays a majority of their finances so he can have his own business. He lives close by to his best friends and doesn't want to relocate. Hell he practically witnessed first hand how Bill's divorce completely destroyed him and doesn't want to share a similar fate. Dale also loves taunting Redcorn with his relationship with Joseph knowing all to well that Redcorn wants to be in his son's life. Its a secret fuck you that he thoroughly enjoys. I also don't think Dale was the type of guy who was ever good with women and would rather be in a bad marriage then no relationship at all.Dale often jokes to his friends about how Joseph is an alien or creates other bizarre stories to see his friends reactions. He's disappointed that they know and refuse to tell him but he knows he can't call them out on it. Better to play the fool then the broken loser. This also explains why he hates Peggy Hill so much (besides the fact that she's annoying). Peggy was literally the last person to find out about the affair and came close to telling him. Dale must have been like "Finally someone is actually decent enough to tell me the truth" but then Peggy quickly changes her mind and Dale is pissed because unlike the others who decided in group what not to do Peggy was alone and could have been the only one in the neighborhood to shine some light.”
Hank Isn’t Bobby’s Real Father
It’s established that Hank has a narrow urethra, meaning he wouldn’t be able to conceive Bobby with his wife, Peggy. This theory suggests that Bobby’s real father is Bill. The theory is supported by facts such as Bobby having a strong resemblance to Bill (short and portly) and their similarly large appetites. Redditor nouniqueusername fleshes out the theory in more detail, as follows:
"When Peggy couldn't get pregnant due to Hank's narrow urethra, she slept with Bill on the side and had his son. It's obvious to the entire neighborhood that Bobby is nothing like Hank and everything like Bill, but they ignore it the same way they do with Dale's son being fathered by John Redcorn.
If you watch the show with this in mind, you spot reasons it is true all over the place, but here are a few.
- The Hills were told that they would never get pregnant
- Obvious physical likeness to Bill and dissimilarity to Hank
- Bill's recurring crush on Peggy
- Peggy admits under duress that she slept with Hank and one other man (the story that follows I think is a lie)
- Bill passes on the Dauterive family recipe to Bobby to keep the family tradition alive (Redcorn does something similar with sending Dale's/his son on a spirit quest)
- Lots of father-son type bonding between the two
Cotton Has A Narrow Urethra
Throughout the series, Cotton Hill pokes fun at his son, Hank, for having a narrow urethra, while bragging about his own. Redditor Clickwerk concocted a theory about the actual size of Cotton's urethra.
The four very valid points of this theory are as follows:
"1) Cotton only has 3 kids after boasting about how often he has had sex.
2) Cotton has been known to brag about himself but leave out his shortcomings several times throughout the show.
3) Cotton has also said that Hank got his narrow urethra from his mother, but his Japanese son also inherited a narrow urethra. (This is if we exclude the possibility that he also could have gotten it from his mother).4) Cotton treats the birth of GH as more of a miracle than his first son."