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The Kinkiest Historical Figures In Recorded History

Updated June 14, 2019 393.1k views12 items

Who comes to mind when you think of a “kinky” historical figure? JFK cheating on his wife with Marilyn Monroe? There's no compelling evidence that they even hooked up. Bill Clinton and his cigar? No proof that it's true

This is a list of the kinkiest historical figures whose sexual preferences are well-documented. There are some affairs mentioned herein, some sick thoughts or two, and, uh, one instance of actual seppuku. Also, maybe some incest from history? It's kind of unclear what was going on with Gandhi, but it definitely wasn't good. Read on to learn about some of the kinkiest presidents and historical leaders with fetishes you won't believe.

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    Plenty of authors have thought “Screw this bad review!” over the years, but sci-fi legend H. G. Wells actually decided to screw on top of a bad review… and then light it on fire. Michael Sherborne writes about the kinky act in H.G. Wells: Another Kind of Life. Wells was apparently quite the Lothario, accumulating plenty of mistresses over the years. One such mistress was an unnamed Australian novelist that helped Wells get his revenge (or something) on a bad review by critic Humphrey Ward. The two did the deed on top of the review, and then, according to Wells, “when we had dressed again we lit a match and burnt her.” Whatever works for you, H. G.!

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    Author Hans Christian Andersen would draw a small cross-like mark in his journal on the days that he masturbated. Sometimes he would even indicate that his penis was sore from masturbating by writing “penis sore” next to an entry. Historians say he was publicly “unnerved by anything having to do with sex and flustered by the sexuality of women” and only visited a brothel once at the age of 61, despite having always longed to do so. He paid the madame five francs, but only to look at one young girl that he “felt very sorry for.”

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  • King Edward VII Had a Custom Sex Chair

    Photo: Luke Fildes/Public Domain / via Wikimedia Commons

    It’s good to be the king! King Edward VII had a large sexual appetite, for sure. You know you’re insatiable when you use your kingly powers to have special, super-fancy sex furniture made! Edward commissioned a “love seat” with golden stirrups and knee pads just for lovemaking. It was the 1880s, after all, so it’s not like the paparazzi were going to know about it, but still. Edward also liked to “bathe with a prostitute or two in champagne,” which honestly just sounds painful.

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    Nobel Prize-winning French writer Andre Gide was an intensely sexual person who reportedly had sexual partners of many different ages (some sickeningly young) and races. Gide also had two very specific sexual quirks. He was aroused by “a profusion of colors or unusually shrill sweet sounds” and the general “idea of destruction.” Gide allegedly experienced “noted arousal” when he heard about smashed crockery or when he “spoiled a favorite toy.” He also claimed, disgustingly, to be attracted to “crippled, deformed, or monstrous children, in whom he recognized some aspect of himself.”

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