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The Kinkiest Historical Figures In Recorded History

Updated June 14, 2019 393.3k views12 items

Who comes to mind when you think of a “kinky” historical figure? JFK cheating on his wife with Marilyn Monroe? There's no compelling evidence that they even hooked up. Bill Clinton and his cigar? No proof that it's true

This is a list of the kinkiest historical figures whose sexual preferences are well-documented. There are some affairs mentioned herein, some sick thoughts or two, and, uh, one instance of actual seppuku. Also, maybe some incest from history? It's kind of unclear what was going on with Gandhi, but it definitely wasn't good. Read on to learn about some of the kinkiest presidents and historical leaders with fetishes you won't believe.

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    Philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau wrote in his posthumously published autobiography Confessions that he was a total sub: “To be at the knees of an imperious mistress, to obey her orders, to have to beg her pardon, have been for me the sweetest delights.” Leo Damrosch, writing in Humanities, claims that Rousseau was a masochist ahead of his time:  “What he wanted from women, he realized, was the thrill of being reproved without actual physical contact, an erotic charge all the more intense for being taboo and withheld.” The future philosopher realized in “boyhood” that he enjoyed being spanked a lot; in fact, a “female guardian” just stopped spanking him altogether when she, too, realized it made him aroused.

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  • Guy de Maupassant Liked Women to Wear Men's Clothes

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    French novelist and notoriously insatiable lover Guy de Maupassant had many, many sexual kinks and quirks, including a love of women who would sport “close-cropped hair and men’s clothes.” One story goes that Maupassant had an affair with one such woman, Gisele d’Estoc, after seeing her stab another woman in a fight! Gisele would also reportedly “share her broad-hipped lesbian” friends with Maupassant, as well as some hashish and ether. Journalist Frank Harris also reports that Maupassant could make his so-called "instrument" erect with his mind, on cue.

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    President Johnson enjoyed displaying his, uh, johnson to people. His biographer Robert A. Caro wrote several well-respected volumes on the man, recounting many of his “crass cruelties and rampant vulgarities.” If his colleagues came into the Capitol bathroom while he was at a urinal, for example, LBJ would “sometimes swing around still holding his member” and exclaim, “Have you ever seen anything as big as this?”

    He would also force his aides to take dictation outside the bathroom door while he was taking a poop, “as if in some alpha-male ritual assertion of his primacy.” He also liked to adjust himself, even on the floors of the House and Senate: “… he would extravagantly rummage away at his groin, sometimes reaching his hand through a pocket and leaning with half-lifted leg for more thorough access.” He also called his penis “Jumbo.” Seriously.

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    Founding Father Benjamin Franklin’s “Advice to a Young Man on the Choice of a Mistress” was a secretly-circulated letter to a young man in 1745 (not published until 1961) that advised him, “in all your amours, you should prefer old women to young ones,” because they make better lovers and “the sin is less.” He also says “there is no hazard of children” and they will prevent him from “ruining his health and fortune among mercenary prostitutes.” Franklin summed it up thusly: “the pleasure of corporal enjoyment with an old woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every knack being by practice capable of improvement.” Franklin, unfortunately, ruins it all with a hacky joke: “Lastly, they are so grateful!”

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