Weird Nature

11 Animals With The Craziest Junk-To-Body Ratio In All Of Nature 

Jacob Shelton
Updated November 26, 2019 290.8k views 11 items

In the animal kingdom, anything goes when it comes to size. The animals with the largest junk-to-body ratio are all over the map. Some of them are tiny creatures with relatively giant members, and others are hulking mammals with the junk to match. Animals whose things are biggest relative to body size usually have an evolutionary reason for it, but a few of them seemingly just have giant junk for the heck of it.

Obviously, not every animal on this list is so weirdly/well endowed, but they’re all packing something sure to give you a shock. Nature is weird, and science obviously has a sense of humor. 

Barnacle is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list 11 Animals With The Craziest Junk-To-Body Ratio In All Of Nature
Photo:  MichaelMaggs/Wikimedia Commons/CC BY-SA 3.0
The Barnacle

Barnacles, those things you scrape off the side of a boat, have the largest junk-to-body ratio in the animal kingdom. Their members can up to 50 times the length of their body.

Their members need to be long because they travel to the female in order to impregnate them.

The Greater Hooked Squid... is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list 11 Animals With The Craziest Junk-To-Body Ratio In All Of Nature
Photo:  Mgiganteus/Wikimedia Commons/Public Domain
The Greater Hooked Squid

The greater hooked squid has a member that, when erect, can become as long as its entire body. That means these deep water monsters have perhaps the greatest known member length relative to body size of all mobile animals.

This squid is one of the few underwater creatures that's able to elongate its junk into an erect shaft. Until it's ready, the member remains sheathed inside of the squid.

The Blue Whale is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list 11 Animals With The Craziest Junk-To-Body Ratio In All Of Nature
Photo: NOAA Photo Library/Wikimedia Commons/Public Domain
The Blue Whale

The average member length of a blue whale is 8-to-12 feet, and they sport girth as formidable as 14 inches in diameter. That puts the junk-to-body ratio at about 10:1.

The largest whale member on display is about 67 inches long, and it's available for viewing at the Icelandic Phallological Museum.

The Argentine Lake Duck ... is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list 11 Animals With The Craziest Junk-To-Body Ratio In All Of Nature
Photo:  Dick Daniels/Wikimedia Commons/CC BY-SA 3.0
The Argentine Lake Duck

Argentine Lake Ducks have members that measure to around 16 inches in length, which puts them at about a 5:4 ratio on body to stuff.

Their members have to be that long because they have to essentially lasso their female counterparts before mating.