Culture

The Best Lawyer Jokes 

Jack Napier
909 votes 416 voters 8.7k views 24 items

List Rules Vote up any funny joke about lawyers and attorneys

Lawyers are allegedly the worst. They’re mainly (not really) only necessary as the butt of a good joke. Speaking of which, this is a list of the funniest lawyer jokes ever. The puns, one liners, and foibles on this list not only serve as a trenchant critique of the bar association as a whole, but they’re also super funny. So prepare your depositions and place your right hand on the holy book of your choice, because you’re going to laugh about lawyers like you’ve never laughed before after reading this list of lawyer one liners.

Inside you’ll find a joke about lawyers for every occasion. Whether you’re attending a party full of the lawyers or if your best friend just got out of a tough court case, we have the joke for you. And don’t worry future lawyers, you can laugh at these jokes too. After all, when you’re elbow deep in cash from all the ambulance chasing you do, you won’t care what anyone says about you.

Vote on what you think is the funniest lawyer joke!
list ordered by
1
How Many Lawyer Jokes Ar... is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list The Best Lawyer Jokes
How Many Lawyer Jokes Are There?
Only three. The rest are true stories.
2
What's The Difference Be... is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list The Best Lawyer Jokes
What's The Difference Between A Female Lawyer And A Pitbull
Lipstick
 
3
What Do You Throw To A D... is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list The Best Lawyer Jokes
What Do You Throw To A Drowning Lawyer?
His partners.
4
What's The Difference Be... is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The Best Lawyer Jokes
What's The Difference Between A Lawyer And A Leech?
After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
5
What Do You Call 25 Lawy... is listed (or ranked) 5 on the list The Best Lawyer Jokes
What Do You Call 25 Lawyers Buried Up To Their Chins In Cement?
Not enough cement.
6
What Do You Call A Smili... is listed (or ranked) 6 on the list The Best Lawyer Jokes
What Do You Call A Smiling, Nice Person At A Bar Association Convention?
The caterer. 
7
What's The Difference Be... is listed (or ranked) 7 on the list The Best Lawyer Jokes
What's The Difference Between A Vacuum Cleaner And A Lawyer On A Motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.

8
What Do Dinosaurs And Go... is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list The Best Lawyer Jokes
What Do Dinosaurs And Good Lawyers Have In Common?
They're both extinct.
9
How Many Lawyers Does It... is listed (or ranked) 9 on the list The Best Lawyer Jokes
How Many Lawyers Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb?
Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
10
How Does And Attorney Sl... is listed (or ranked) 10 on the list The Best Lawyer Jokes
How Does And Attorney Sleep?
First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
11
What's The Difference Be... is listed (or ranked) 11 on the list The Best Lawyer Jokes
What's The Difference Between A Lawyer And A Boxing Referee?
A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
12
What's The Difference Be... is listed (or ranked) 12 on the list The Best Lawyer Jokes
What's The Difference Between A Jellyfish And A Lawyer?
One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
13
What Do You Call A Lawye... is listed (or ranked) 13 on the list The Best Lawyer Jokes
What Do You Call A Lawyer With An IQ Of 100?
Your honor
14
What Are Lawyers Good Fo... is listed (or ranked) 14 on the list The Best Lawyer Jokes
What Are Lawyers Good For?
 They make used car salesmen look good.
15
What's The Difference Be... is listed (or ranked) 15 on the list The Best Lawyer Jokes
What's The Difference Between An Accountant And A Lawyer?
Accountants know they're boring.
16
How Are An Apple And A L... is listed (or ranked) 16 on the list The Best Lawyer Jokes
How Are An Apple And A Lawyer Alike?
They both look good hanging from a tree.
17
What Do You Call 25 Skyd... is listed (or ranked) 17 on the list The Best Lawyer Jokes
What Do You Call 25 Skydiving Lawyers?
Skeet.
18
What Do You Call A Lawye... is listed (or ranked) 18 on the list The Best Lawyer Jokes
What Do You Call A Lawyer With An IQ Of 50?
Senator
19
What Does A Lawyer Get W... is listed (or ranked) 19 on the list The Best Lawyer Jokes
What Does A Lawyer Get When You Give Him Viagra?
Taller.
20
What's The One Thing Tha... is listed (or ranked) 20 on the list The Best Lawyer Jokes
What's The One Thing That Never Works When It's Fixed?
A jury
21
What's The Difference Be... is listed (or ranked) 21 on the list The Best Lawyer Jokes
What's The Difference Between A Lawyer And God?
God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
22
What's The Difference Be... is listed (or ranked) 22 on the list The Best Lawyer Jokes
What's The Difference Between A Good Lawyer And A Bad Lawyer?
A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
23
Why Did God Invent Lawye... is listed (or ranked) 23 on the list The Best Lawyer Jokes
Why Did God Invent Lawyers?
So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
24
What's The Difference Be... is listed (or ranked) 24 on the list The Best Lawyer Jokes
What's The Difference Between A Lawyer And A Trampoline?
You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.