The Least Exciting New Features on the iPhone 7  

Mel Judson
337 votes 72 voters 2k views 14 items

List Rules Vote up the iPhone 7 capabilities you think Apple added just to force you to buy a new phone.

Another year is upon us, another iPhone has been introduced, complete with a set of useless Apple iPhone 7 features. It's unfair to say the new iPhone sucks (since it isn't out yet, and obviously we're all going to get one, no matter how many workers in China tried to commit suicide or laborers in the Democratic Republic of Congo broke their backs digging through filth to make it). While it may be unjust to write the iPhone 7 off,  there are a number of dumb additions to the gadget that range from unnecessary to unwanted.

So what are the least exciting iPhone 7 features? Well, there are two shades of black. Because that's necessary. The headphone jack is gone but the phone comes with lightning jack headphones, so you can't charge the phone while you have the headphones in, and the compatible wireless headphones will probably be incredulously expensive. 

What else? Read on for a list of new iPhone 7 capabilities no one cares about. Or, maybe you do care about them, because you care enough to hate how dumb they are. Or maybe you belong to the cult of Jobs and worship the man like a messiah. The great visionary of the millennium, the man who made you a slave to your phone, available 24/7 via email and text and lashed in social bondage to Instagram and Facebook. 

Anyway, you get the point. It's a phone and there's some very unexciting stuff about it. Vote up the least exciting new features on the iPhone 7. 

list ordered by
It's Still Just a Phone. Not, You Know, a Cure for Cancer.
Lightning Cable EarPods So... Why Get Rid of the Headphone Jack Again?
There's No Headphone Jack but They're Including a Lightning Adapter for Your Current Headphones
You Can't Charge the Damn Thing If You're Using Plug-In Earbuds (Because They Connect in the Charge Slit)
Wide Angle and Telephoto Capability and Depth of Field You Will Never Understand Because You're Not a Photographer
Tiny Stereo Speakers for the Audio Engineer in You Who Knows the Difference (JK, It Will Sound the Same)
Wireless Airpod Earbuds (Aren't) Included, Look Dumb AF, Are Probably Expensive AF
It Comes in Two Shades of Black and They Both Look Like the Hull of the BMW That Prick You Hate Drives
There Are Two Cameras on the iPhone Plus, Much Like Marsupials Have Three Vaginas
The Water Resistant Case Still Isn't as Water Resistant as the Competition's
Awesome Wireless Beats Earphones (Aren't) Included, Are Definitely Expensive AF
Some Sort of FeliCa Technology You Will Never Understand and Is Apparently Japanese
About the Lightning Capable Earphones: You Can't Buy New Ones from Most Third Party Vendors
Inability to Buy New W1 Chip Wireless Earphones from Almost All Third Party Manufacturers