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The Best 'Life of Brian Movie' Quotes

For all you Monty Python fans, here are the best quotes from Life of Brian, ranked by fans like you. Life of Brian is a Monty Python production dating back to 1979 of a hapless man mistaken as a Messiah. The movie was a satirical comedy of biblical proportions and, since the topic was religion, was summarily misunderstood by the public. Banned in several countries for blasphemy and such, the film was ironically a huge box office success, perhaps due to the reverse psychology and notoriety.  Nevertheless, there are a lot of funny lines from Life of Brian, and the film still holds up to this day.

What are your favorite Life of Brian quotes? Upvote the ones you love below and watch the rise to the top of the list.
  • 1
    130 VOTES

    How Do We... What?

    Video: YouTube

    Brian: ...Will you please listen? I'm not the Messiah! Do you understand?  Honestly!
    Woman: Only the true Messiah denies his divinity!
    Brian: What? Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right, I am the Messiah!
    Crowd: He is! He is the Messiah!
    Brian: Now, f*ck off!
    Arthur: How shall we f*ck off, oh Lord?
    Brian: Oh, just go away! Leave me alone!

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    • 2
      133 VOTES

      Jehovah's Witlessness

      Video: YouTube

      Matthias: Look, I don't think it should be a sin, just for saying "Jehovah."

      Jewish Official: You're only making it worse for yourself!

      Matthias: Making it worse? How can it be worse? Jehovah! Jehovah! Jehovah!

      Jewish Official: I'm warning you! If you say "Jehovah" one more time... RIGHT! Who did that? Come on, who did it?

      Crowd: She did! She did! He! He did! He!

      Jewish Official: Was it you?

      Person: Yes.

      Jewish Official: Right...

      Person: Well you did say "Jehovah."

      Jewish Official: STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW! STOP IT! All right, no one is to stone anyone until I blow this whistle. Even... and I want to make this absolutely clear... even if they do say, "Jehovah."

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      • 3
        67 VOTES

        Art of Haggling

        Video: YouTube

        Brian: How much? Quick.

        Storekeeper: What?

        Brian: It's for the wife.

        Storekeeper: Oh. Uhhh, twenty shekels.

        Brian: Right.

        Storekeeper: What?

        Brian: There you are.

        Storekeeper: Wait a minute.

        Brian: What?

        Storekeeper: Well, we're-- we're supposed to haggle.

        Brian: No, no. I've got to get--

        Storekeeper: What do you mean, "no, no, no"?

        Brian: I haven't time. I've got--

        Storekeeper: Well, give it back, then.

        Brian: No, no, no. I just paid you.

        Storekeeper: Burt!

        Burt: Yeah?

        Storekeeper: This bloke won't haggle.

        Burt: Won't haggle?!

        Brian: All right. Do we have to?

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        • 4
          111 VOTES

          Welease Woger!

          Video: YouTube

          Pilate: People of Jewusalem! Wome is your fwiend. To pwove our fwiendship, it is customawy at this time to welease a wongdoer fwom our pwisons. Whom would you have me welease?

          Man: Welease Woger!

          Pilate: Vewy well. I shall welease Woger!

          Centurion: Sir, uh, we don't have a Woger, sir.

          Pilate: What?

          Centurion: Uh, we don't have anyone of that name, sir.

          Pilate: Ah. We have no 'Woger'!

          Man: Well, what about Wodewick, then?

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