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The Best 'Life of Brian Movie' Quotes 

Movie and TV Quotes
1.9k votes 885 voters 67.1k views 25 items

For all you Monty Python fans, here are the best quotes from Life of Brian, ranked by fans like you. Life of Brian is a Monty Python production dating back to 1979 of a hapless man mistaken as a Messiah. The movie was a satirical comedy of biblical proportions and, since the topic was religion, was summarily misunderstood by the public. Banned in several countries for blasphemy and such, the film was ironically a huge box office success, perhaps due to the reverse psychology and notoriety.  Nevertheless, there are a lot of funny lines from Life of Brian, and the film still holds up to this day.

What are your favorite Life of Brian quotes? Upvote the ones you love below and watch the rise to the top of the list.
1
What Have The Romans Ever Done For Us?
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Video: YouTube

Reg: All right, but apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh-water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?
PFJ Member: Brought peace?
Reg: Oh, peace? SHUT UP!

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2
Biggus D*ckus
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Video: YouTube

Pontius Pilate: So, yaw fatha was a Woman? Who was he?

Brian: He was a Centurion, in the Jerusalem Garrisons

Pontius Pilate: Weally? What was his name?

Brian: Naughtius Maximus.

Pontius Pilate: Centuwion, do we have anyone of that name in the gawwison?

Centurion: Well, no, sir.

Pontius Pilate: Well, you sound vewy sure. Have you checked?

Centurion: Well, no, sir. Umm, I think it's a joke, sir... like, uh, "Sillius Soddus" or... "Biggus D*ckus," sir.

Pontius Pilate: What's so funny about "Biggus D*ckus"?

Centurion: Well, it's a joke name, sir.

Pontius Pilate: I have a vewy gweat fwiend in Wome called Biggus D*ckus.   Silence! What is all this insolence? You will find yourself in gladiator school vewy quickly with wotten behaviour like that.

Brian: Can I go now, sir? Aaah! Eh.

Pontius Pilate: Wait till Biggus D*ckus hears of this!

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3
Jehovah's Witlessness
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Video: YouTube

Matthias: Look, I don't think it should be a sin, just for saying "Jehovah."

Jewish Official: You're only making it worse for yourself!

Matthias: Making it worse? How can it be worse? Jehovah! Jehovah! Jehovah!

Jewish Official: I'm warning you! If you say "Jehovah" one more time... RIGHT! Who did that? Come on, who did it?

Crowd: She did! She did! He! He did! He!

Jewish Official: Was it you?

Person: Yes.

Jewish Official: Right...

Person: Well you did say "Jehovah."

Jewish Official: STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW! STOP IT! All right, no one is to stone anyone until I blow this whistle. Even... and I want to make this absolutely clear... even if they do say, "Jehovah."

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4
Lessons in Latin
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Video: YouTube
Centurion: What's this then? "Romanes eunt domus"? "People called Romanes, they go the 'ouse"?
Brian: It — it says "Romans go home".
Centurion: No it doesn't. What's Latin for "Roman"? Come on, come on!
Brian: "Romanus"?
Centurion: Goes like...?
Brian: "Annus"?
Centurion: Vocative plural of "annus" is...?
Brian: "Anni."
Centurion: "Romani". "Eunt"? What is "eunt"?
Brian: "Go".
Centurion: Conjugate the verb "to go".
Brian: Ire, eo, is, it, imus, itis, eunt.
Centurion: So "eunt" is...?
Brian: Third person plural, present indicative. "They go".
Centurion: But "Romans go home" is an order, so you must use the...?
Brian:  Eeeh, imperative!
Centurion: Which is…?
Brian: Uh, uhm, "ii"! "Ii"!
Centurion: How many Romans?
Brian: Aah! Plural, plural! "Ite"! "Ite"!
Centurion: "Ite". "Domus"? Nominative? "Go home", this is motion towards, isn't it, boy?”
Brian: Dative! Ah! Not dative! Not the dative! Aah! Accusative, accusative! "Domum", sir, "ad domum".
Centurion: Except that "domus" takes the...?
Brian: The locative, sir!
Centurion: Which is...?
Brian: "Domum"!
Centurion: "Domum".  "Um". Understand?
Brian: Yes, sir.
Centurion: Now write it out a 'undred times.
Brian: Yes, thank you Sir, Hail Caesar.
Centurion: Hail Caesar. If it's not done by sunrise, I'll cut your balls off.
Brian: Finished!
Centurion: Right. Now don't do it again.
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