The Best 'Life of Brian Movie' Quotes

Over 1.4K Ranker voters have come together to rank this list of The Best 'Life of Brian Movie' Quotes

For all you Monty Python fans, here are the best quotes from Life of Brian, ranked by fans like you. Life of Brian is a Monty Python production dating back to 1979 of a hapless man mistaken as a Messiah. The movie was a satirical comedy of biblical proportions and, since the topic was religion, was summarily misunderstood by the public. Banned in several countries for blasphemy and such, the film was ironically a huge box office success, perhaps due to the reverse psychology and notoriety.  Nevertheless, there are a lot of funny lines from Life of Brian, and the film still holds up to this day.

What are your favorite Life of Brian quotes? Upvote the ones you love below and watch the rise to the top of the list.

  • 1
    254 VOTES

    Biggus D*ckus

    Biggus D*ckus
    Video: YouTube

    Pontius Pilate: So, yaw fatha was a Woman? Who was he?

    Brian: He was a Centurion, in the Jerusalem Garrisons

    Pontius Pilate: Weally? What was his name?

    Brian: Naughtius Maximus.

    Pontius Pilate: Centuwion, do we have anyone of that name in the gawwison?

    Centurion: Well, no, sir.

    Pontius Pilate: Well, you sound vewy sure. Have you checked?

    Centurion: Well, no, sir. Umm, I think it's a joke, sir... like, uh, "Sillius Soddus" or... "Biggus D*ckus," sir.

    Pontius Pilate: What's so funny about "Biggus D*ckus"?

    Centurion: Well, it's a joke name, sir.

    Pontius Pilate: I have a vewy gweat fwiend in Wome called Biggus D*ckus.   Silence! What is all this insolence? You will find yourself in gladiator school vewy quickly with wotten behaviour like that.

    Brian: Can I go now, sir? Aaah! Eh.

    Pontius Pilate: Wait till Biggus D*ckus hears of this!

    254 votes
  • 2
    261 VOTES

    Men And Babies

    Men And Babies
    Video: YouTube
    Stan: I want to have babies.
    Reg: You want to have babies?!?!
    Stan: It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them.
    Reg: But ... you can't HAVE babies!
    Stan: Don't you oppress me!
    Reg: I'm not oppressing you, Stan. You haven't got a womb! Where's the foetus gonna gestate? You gonna keep it in a box?
    261 votes
  • 3
    198 VOTES

    Lessons in Latin

    Lessons in Latin
    Video: YouTube
    Centurion: What's this then? "Romanes eunt domus"? "People called Romanes, they go the 'ouse"?
    Brian: It — it says "Romans go home".
    Centurion: No it doesn't. What's Latin for "Roman"? Come on, come on!
    Brian: "Romanus"?
    Centurion: Goes like...?
    Brian: "Annus"?
    Centurion: Vocative plural of "annus" is...?
    Brian: "Anni."
    Centurion: "Romani". "Eunt"? What is "eunt"?
    Brian: "Go".
    Centurion: Conjugate the verb "to go".
    Brian: Ire, eo, is, it, imus, itis, eunt.
    Centurion: So "eunt" is...?
    Brian: Third person plural, present indicative. "They go".
    Centurion: But "Romans go home" is an order, so you must use the...?
    Brian:  Eeeh, imperative!
    Centurion: Which is…?
    Brian: Uh, uhm, "ii"! "Ii"!
    Centurion: How many Romans?
    Brian: Aah! Plural, plural! "Ite"! "Ite"!
    Centurion: "Ite". "Domus"? Nominative? "Go home", this is motion towards, isn't it, boy?”
    Brian: Dative! Ah! Not dative! Not the dative! Aah! Accusative, accusative! "Domum", sir, "ad domum".
    Centurion: Except that "domus" takes the...?
    Brian: The locative, sir!
    Centurion: Which is...?
    Brian: "Domum"!
    Centurion: "Domum".  "Um". Understand?
    Brian: Yes, sir.
    Centurion: Now write it out a 'undred times.
    Brian: Yes, thank you Sir, Hail Caesar.
    Centurion: Hail Caesar. If it's not done by sunrise, I'll cut your balls off.
    Brian: Finished!
    Centurion: Right. Now don't do it again.
    198 votes
  • 4
    122 VOTES

    Jehovah's Witlessness

    Jehovah's Witlessness
    Video: YouTube

    Matthias: Look, I don't think it should be a sin, just for saying "Jehovah."

    Jewish Official: You're only making it worse for yourself!

    Matthias: Making it worse? How can it be worse? Jehovah! Jehovah! Jehovah!

    Jewish Official: I'm warning you! If you say "Jehovah" one more time... RIGHT! Who did that? Come on, who did it?

    Crowd: She did! She did! He! He did! He!

    Jewish Official: Was it you?

    Person: Yes.

    Jewish Official: Right...

    Person: Well you did say "Jehovah."

    Jewish Official: STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW! STOP IT! All right, no one is to stone anyone until I blow this whistle. Even... and I want to make this absolutely clear... even if they do say, "Jehovah."

    122 votes
  • 5
    231 VOTES

    What Have The Romans Ever Done For Us?

    What Have The Romans Ever Done For Us?
    Video: YouTube

    Reg: All right, but apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh-water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?
    PFJ Member: Brought peace?
    Reg: Oh, peace? SHUT UP!

    231 votes
  • 6
    209 VOTES

    Always Look On The Bright Side of Life

    Always Look On The Bright Side of Life
    Video: YouTube

    Man: Cheer up, Brian. You know what they say: some things in life are bad. They can really make you mad. Other things just make you swear and curse. When you're chewing on life's gristle, don't grumble; give a whistle, and this'll help things turn out for the best. And... always look on the bright side of life...

    209 votes