Machete Kills Movie Quotes 

Movie and TV Quotes
Updated November 6, 2017 16 votes 11 voters 6.9k views 7 items

"Machete Kills" movie quotes continues the Grindhouse story of detective-turned spy Machete in this action movie. Written by Kyle Ward, Robert Rodriguez returns to co-write and direct this sequel to the original "Machete" film. "Machete Kills" opened in theaters in the United States on October 11, 2013.

In "Machete Kills," Machete (Danny Trejo) returns to action after being left for dead and captured by an overzealous sheriff. Just before the sheriff is set to take Machete out, the President (Charlie Sheen) calls, saving Machete and summoning him for a chat. The President explains to Machete that there is a war brewing in Mexico and Mendez (Demian Bichir) had a missile aimed at Washington, DC. Machete agrees to help and sets out to take out Mendez.

On his mission, Machete gains some allies, including his handler, Miss San Antonio (Amber Heard) and Sartana Ribera (Jessica Alba) but also learns that the true target is the leader of an international criminal organization, Luther Voz (Mel Gibson). Machete is forced to battle Voz and his team of super soldiers, including those portrayed by Michelle Rodrigues, Sofia Vergara, Lady Gaga, Antonio Baneras, Vanessa Hudgens and Cuba Gooding, Jr. while trying to keep the world safe from these deadly threats.

If one "Machete" movie was enough for you, there's plenty else to see in theaters such as "Captain Phillips," "Gravity," "Runner Runner," "Don Jon," "Rush, "Prisoners,", "Enough Said," "The Family," "Riddick," "The World's End," "Getaway," "Drinking Buddies," "The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones," "Paranoia," "Kick-Ass 2," "We're the Millers, and "Elysium".
We Need You, Machete
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The President: "We need you, Machete. There's a mad man south of the border. He's got a missile aimed at Washington. Machete, go kick some ass."

The President gives Machete the overview of the threat, a mad man in Mexico pointing a missile at the capital, and asks Machete for his assistance. He of course does it in the most presidential way possible, by telling Machete to go kick some ass.
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It's the President
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Sheriff Doakes: "It sure ain't the governor."
Deputy: "It's the president."

Sheriff Doakes: "Of course, Mr. President"
Machete Cortez: "This Machete"

Sheriff Doakes is feeling pretty good about life with Machete hanging by a noose in his station. That all changes, however, when he gets a call from the President instructing him to release Machete.
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Pucker Up, Lover Boy
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Madame Desdemona: "Bring me my double Ds… Pucker up, lover boy!"

Madame Desdemona isn't just a pretty face with a banging body, she also has the kiss of death. Add that to the automatic weapons in her bra and she's a killing machine.
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I Know What They Did to Your Family
I Know What They Did to ... is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list Machete Kills Movie Quotes
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Sartana: "I know what they did to your family."

Machete gains an ally in his fight, and a beautiful one at that. Sartana knows Machete's history and is willing to help him in this battle.
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