Mall Santas And Their Helpers Reveal The Weirdest Things Kids Have Ever Asked For Christmas

Voting Rules
Vote up the mall Santas with stories weirder than that one about a red-nosed reindeer.

From late November until the end of December, mall Santas listen to the demands and reluctant screams of millions of children whose parents are A-okay with plopping them into a bearded stranger's lap. These brave actors endure tantrums, handsy teenagers, and horny mothers, but the weird things people ask mall Santas for might just be the most difficult task they face. You see, when children ask mall Santas for weird presents, these pseudo-Saint Nicks need to think quickly to give the kids the answer they want to hear, lest they end up branded a bad mall Santa. A quick look at children's Christmas lists highlights the challenges mall Santas find themselves up against. But kids' weird requests of mall Santas only brush the surface of the strange things mall Santas deal with. If you thought only kids want to sit in a mall Santa's lap, then you might need to hear a song called "Santa Baby."

Thanks to Reddit, weird mall Santa stories escape the confines of shopping centers to be enjoyed by people the world over. Check out what happens when things go South at the your local mall's North Pole.

  • 1
    291 VOTES

    Just To Play With

    From keirasocks:

    "I worked as an elf when I was 15. One kid asked for a new liver. Apparently he was healthy, just wanted one 'to play with and stuff.'"

    291 votes
  • 2
    240 VOTES

    A Few Weird Canine Requests

    From Scrykton:

    "I was a helper elf a few times, and two stories in particular stand out in my mind. This like six-year-old little blonde kid asked Santa for a puppy with no legs and leave it at their door so he could name it Matt. This other time, a little girl asked for a lifetime supply of peanut butter so her dog would lick it off her face forever."

    240 votes
  • 3
    224 VOTES

    Santa Doesn't Do Adult Toys

    From TheChiefer117:

    "An old coworker of mine used to be a Santa. He told me that once he had a little boy who looked about eight or nine ask for a box of condoms since his mom wouldn't buy them for him."

    224 votes
  • 4
    199 VOTES

    Everyone's Smooching Santa

    From suicideselfie:

    "I was taking a break, sitting on a bench with my head in my hands, and a seven-year-old girl came over, grabbed me by the ears and kissed me full on the mouth. I had time to say 'Uhhhh...' Her parents grabbed her and dragged her away. Before they left I heard the girl say, 'He just looked sad.'"

    199 votes
  • 5
    200 VOTES

    Moms Love Santa, Baby

    From a deleted Reddit user:

    "When I was 17 I worked for a K-Mart and volunteered to be the store's Santa. Mostly because it meant I could spend a majority of my Saturday shift sitting in a chair as opposed to pushing shopping carts.

    We would offer free photos inside a little pre-made K-Mart Christmas card. The kids were easy. Ask what they want for Christmas, snap a photo, and done. Every once in a while you would get the kids screaming bloody murder while their parents force them to take a picture with Santa. But I was that screaming kid once so it never really bothered me.

    Adults were where it got a little creepy. Since the photos were free the mothers would get in on it as well. Some would just openly hit on me 'Can I have you for Christmas?' The worst was an older woman who looked me in the eyes an said 'I just want the pain to go away, Santa.' Me being 17-years-old had no f*cking idea what to say. 'Uhhh, okay!'"

    200 votes
  • 6
    179 VOTES

    He Is A Saint, After All

    From fatboypezhead:

    "Once as I was working, an Indian couple asked me to bless their new born baby. I think they might have taken Saint Nick seriously. That was weird/awkward. Other than that it was '98 or '99 so I learned just about every Pokémon out there."

    179 votes