After the breathless "I do" is a distant memory, and the honeymoon bliss fades, and the ring is a little less shiny, the realities of marriage settle in. Some couples weather the ups and downs 'til death do they part, but for others, the relationship just isn't made to last. Sometimes it's a deep, dark secret that ends a marriage, but more often it's a problem that's a little more in the open. Even if the issue isn't obvious right away, in hindsight one partner can see the red flags previously blocked by rose-colored glasses. No one is immune to this, either - even celebrities get divorced, despite all of the advantages of wealth and outward success.
People who have been divorced shared on Reddit the warning signs and red flags that led to the demise of their marriages. Perhaps some of them will seem obvious to you, but wanting to stay in love and hold on to those marriage vows often keeps people from seeing clearly. As one Redditor noted, "Marriage is hard, even when you do everything you can to make it work."
He Put His Life Ahead Of Theirs
From Redditor /u/rossbongo:
What went wrong? It was honestly me. I was too consumed with my military career and she suffered because of it. I spent probably 80% of the time we were together out of town. In my mind, I was providing for us. Realistically though, I was out with my friends having the time of my life while she was stuck at home alone.
It was absolutely gut-wrenching finding out she wanted out. As I learned more, it only got worse. Looking back though, I don't blame her. I hold no ill will towards her and I'm glad that she is happy. Life is too short to let someone consume you. Since then I have taken many steps to better my life.
As for red flags, there were tons. I was too caught up in myself to notice them. There were plenty of things that we could have done differently. That's the past though. Tomorrow is always a new day.
They Were Only Staying Together Because They Had Been Together So Long
From Redditor /u/HumanTrafficCone:
To be perfectly honest, I could see (and I'm sure she could too) the cracks in the relationship... I didn't think they were world ending, but in hindsight they were there. The combination of love, shared interests, inertia of the relationship (we've always been together, so we must always be together) probably kept us going longer than it should have. At the same time though, I still maintain we could have worked through it...
I have no idea what she's up to, and I guess I don't really wish her any ill will. I mean I never want to see her again, but it's not worth carrying hate in your heart. I should be more bitter than I am, but what is that going to accomplish?
They Were Mean To Other People
From Redditor /u/Progman3K:
Too many [red flags].
The obvious ones: rude to service people, always complaining that EVERYONE at work was a [moron], openly [admitting] to only having friends because they could be a source of profit, impatient, not passionate about anything, etc...
She Stayed Out Late And Deleted Texts
From Redditor /u/ugatz:
My ex was going out more than usual and would stay out late. She would find excuses to have to "go to work," sometimes not returning until very late at night.
I couldn't ever see or touch her cell phone. If it rang she talked outside and texts were always deleted.
Needless to say I hacked her phone, and keylogged her computer to get her social networking and email passwords to obtain the visual and audible proof I needed to [prove she was cheating.]
Pretty obvious she was cheating but I needed to prove it so she would accept the fact I knew the truth.
This was just one example among many other things unrelated to cheating, but solidified the marriage was going to end soon.