After the breathless "I do" is a distant memory, and the honeymoon bliss fades, and the ring is a little less shiny, the realities of marriage settle in. Some couples weather the ups and downs 'til death do they part, but for others, the relationship just isn't made to last. Sometimes it's a deep, dark secret that ends a marriage, but more often it's a problem that's a little more in the open. Even if the issue isn't obvious right away, in hindsight one partner can see the red flags previously blocked by rose-colored glasses. No one is immune to this, either - even celebrities get divorced, despite all of the advantages of wealth and outward success.
People who have been divorced shared on Reddit the warning signs and red flags that led to the demise of their marriages. Perhaps some of them will seem obvious to you, but wanting to stay in love and hold on to those marriage vows often keeps people from seeing clearly. As one Redditor noted, "Marriage is hard, even when you do everything you can to make it work."
From a former Redditor:
[S]he didn't like the way I loaded the dishwasher. I was loading it one night and she wasn't pleased with how the cookie sheets were in there. I may have pointed out how she was being an insufferable b*tch, then suddenly I was a "lazy drunk" (even though I WAS loading the dishwasher).
That somehow turned into how marrying me was the biggest mistake of her life, and I turned that sh*t back around on her and told HER that marrying HER was the biggest mistake of my life, etc. Moved out the next day.
The story did have a happy ending: the cookie sheets turned out spotless despite her criticisms...
The marriage was on the rocks before it started, really. [We] married because of kids, but somehow we convinced ourselves that things were fine. We just kinda floated through it. It was that one instance where all of the pent-up aggression and resentment exploded.
From Redditor /u/thagthebarbarian:
Before we were married I had a lot of social interaction. I'd go out to car club events, randomly hang out with other guys, etc. She slowly guilted me into turning down going to those events, whittling away at the frequency that I went and in turn reduced the frequency of invites.
Plenty of guys told me that she was too controlling and I should dump her. I obviously didn't listen. There were other, more subtle signs, but those are the most stand-out ones that I kick myself for - letting brain chemistry control me.
From Redditor /u/VioletViola:
Honestly, the four years I knew him, including dating time, he was awesome. Then bam, marriage, and it went to hell in a handbasket...
Suddenly he was trying to control everything, my makeup, hair, where I went, what I wore, etc. No interest on his part in sex anymore, nor in finishing our house.
He kept bringing home cats, and I love cats, but too many... Finally I told him if he didn't like the way I was before, he shouldn't have married me. He pretty much pulled a 180-degree and expected it to be okay.
From Redditor /u/rossbongo:
What went wrong? It was honestly me. I was too consumed with my military career and she suffered because of it. I spent probably 80% of the time we were together out of town. In my mind, I was providing for us. Realistically though, I was out with my friends having the time of my life while she was stuck at home alone.
It was absolutely gut-wrenching finding out she wanted out. As I learned more, it only got worse. Looking back though, I don't blame her. I hold no ill will towards her and I'm glad that she is happy. Life is too short to let someone consume you. Since then I have taken many steps to better my life.
As for red flags, there were tons. I was too caught up in myself to notice them. There were plenty of things that we could have done differently. That's the past though. Tomorrow is always a new day.