Total Nerd 10+ Bizarre And Brutal Marvel Comics That Will Never, Ever Be Adapted Into Movies  

Dave Buesing
1.5k votes 332 voters 11.2k views 13 items

List Rules Vote up the stories you agree are just too crazy for the big screen.

Sure, it's the golden era of comic book movies dominating the box office, but that doesn't mean there isn't source material deep within Marvel Comics that makes for some unfilmable Marvel stories. Obviously when you're a publisher with decades of history, there are going to be out and out bad stories in your catalog. Then there are comics so egregiously misguided, offensive, outrageously violent, or just plain weird that they rank as the defining Marvel stories that will never be made into movies.

Simply put, Marvel Studios and Disney would have to be sharing an asylum wing with David Haller or Marc Spector to consider any of the below comics for movie adaptations. Naturally, weird is a part of the Marvel Universe, and everything from the alternate reality crossover mania of Secret Wars to turning Captain America into a Werewolf feels like a stretch for on-screen cinema. Nonetheless, it's not unfathomable, and in many instances could be a perfectly joyous expansion of the Marvel Universe.

The below comics defy credulity, though, and are just flat out bad Marvel movie ideas. These are the Marvel Comics you'll never see on the silver screen.

1 156 VOTES

Incestuous Avenger Twins

Incestuous Avenger Twins is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list 10+ Bizarre And Brutal Marvel Comics That Will Never, Ever Be Adapted Into Movies
Photo:  Marvel Comics

There's no use denying Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch have had a strange relationship and upbringing throughout their Marvel Comics history. The twin siblings and erstwhile Avengers have a convoluted history tangled with interjections from Magneto, the High Evolutionary, House of M, and of course, Counter-Earth.

Marvel's The Ultimates 3 took this familiarity and sibling understanding approximately 1.4 million steps too far. The implied romantic undertones of the siblings in the hands of writer Mark Millar (hardly known for his subtlety) were made explicit in the hands of Jeph Loeb. As such, Marvel brought its most prominent incestuous heroes to the forefront of its line, entire years before the Lannisters made it on screen for HBO. Ideally, the same never happens for Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver.
 

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2 163 VOTES

Spider-Man Kills MJ With... His Love (Barf!)

Spider-Man Kills MJ With... Hi... is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list 10+ Bizarre And Brutal Marvel Comics That Will Never, Ever Be Adapted Into Movies
Photo:  Marvel Comics

Even before you get to the juice of the issue, Spider-Man: Reign is a tough sell. The late 2000s miniseries from writer/artist Kaare Andrews is an attempt to craft a Spider-Man story along the lines of Frank Miller's iconic The Dark Knight Returns. Despite the tragedy that has befallen Peter Parker, the character is rarely suited for these types of dark explorations (Kraven's Last Hunt notwithstanding).

All that could be forgiven... except for the fact that Spider-Man's radioactive "fluids" give his wife, Mary-Jane Watson, terminal cancer. The best possible interpretation of this plot point is that Spider-Man's saliva led to the slow, torturous death of his wife, and the worst involves phrases like "radioactive splooge." Either way, don't expect Spider-Man: Reign at your local cineplex any time soon.
 

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3 154 VOTES

X-23 Sex Ring

X-23 Sex Ring is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list 10+ Bizarre And Brutal Marvel Comics That Will Never, Ever Be Adapted Into Movies
Photo:  Marvel Comics

Laura Kinney, aka X-23, was the standout character introduction from 2017's Logan. Her backstory is already rife with tragedy and child endangerment, but Laura comes out of her awful beginnings reflecting the courage and strength of her clone-dad, Wolverine. She is already a fantastic badass, no additional motivation needed.

In "Nyx," Laura's Marvel Comics beginnings, the character is freed from her genetic engineering hellhole only to find herself scrapping by on the streets and embroiled in a sex ring. There's no one right way to tell a story, but adding prostitution to Laura's backstory certainly feels like an element the world could do without. 
 

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4 128 VOTES

The Punisher Puts On Blackface

The Punisher Puts On Blackface is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list 10+ Bizarre And Brutal Marvel Comics That Will Never, Ever Be Adapted Into Movies
Photo:  Marvel Comics

In the grand tradition of Lois Lane transforming into an African-American for a day in I Am Curious Black, there is also that time Frank Castle was transformed into a black man to hide his identity. If you're thinking, surely this comic book from the 1980s treated the complex issue of a white man pretending to be black with care, well, you haven't read enough comics from the 1980s. 

Forget the practicality of an MCU Punisher relegated to Marvel's Netflix wing of entertainment, the events of Punisher #60 to #62 just aren't fit for any kind of screen. It seems safe to anticipate Robert Downey Jr's blackface parody in Tropic Thunder is the closest the MCU will ever come to this egregious misstep, and that's a good thing.
 

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