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9 Best Masterminds Movie Quotes & Lines (2016)

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Masterminds movie quotes bring the laughs to the comedy movie about an unlikely pawn who pulls off one of the biggest cash heists ever. Based on the true story of the 1997 Loomis Fargo robbery, the film was directed by Jared Hess and written by Chris Bowman, Hubbel Palmer and Emily Spivey. Pushed back from a 2015 release date, Masterminds opened in theaters on September 30, 2016.

In Masterminds, David Ghantt (Zach Galifianakis) is a mild-mannered night guard for the armored car company Loomis. Though he's dreamed of an adventurous life, he settled for a boring life with few moments of excitement. But this all changes when David meets the beautiful blonde Kelly (Kristen Wiig), who, along with Steve (Owen Wilson), convinces David to steal $17 million from Loomis.

As David is living his dreams as a millionaire, albeit one on the run from the law for the robbery, it doesn't take long for Steve to cross David. Steve bails with the money, leaves David to take the fall and even hires slightly unstable hit man Mike (Jason Sudeikis) to kill off David. This doesn't please David, who must embrace that adventurous spirit to see vengeance against Steve.

Masterminds movie quotes also feature lines from other costars, including Kate McKinnon and Leslie Jones. If these quotes don't make you laugh, check out quotes from other September 2016 films such as Deepwater Horizon, Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children, Goat, and The Dressmaker.  

  • 1

    Look at Him!

    Video: YouTube

    FBI Special Agent Scanlon: $17 million missing! Look at him! He look like Kenny Rogers and Kenny Logins had a love child and then Kenny G, he just showed up at the birthday party, started playing a flute and messed this boy up.

    FBI Agent Scanlon cannot believe someone who looks like a strange love child of two Kennys pulled off this big of a heist. She is stunned that her career has come down to searching for such a dweeb.

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  • Photo: Relativity Media

    Just Grazed My Biscuits

    Kelly: What would you do with a million dollars?
    David: Probably start my own business, maybe be a bounty hunter.
    Kelly: Nice!
    David: You know, put a cap in their ass. Ow! Oh, that burns!
    Kelly: Oh my gosh! David, let me see! That bullet just went straight between your cheeks!
    David: Yeah, it feels like it just grazed my biscuits, right there, betwixt 'em.

    At the shooting range, David and Kelly discuss what they'd do with a million dollars in these Masterminds movie quotes. Well, they were discussing it, until David accidentally discharges his weapon in his pants.

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  • 3

    Who Y'all Want Me to Kill?

    Video: YouTube

    Mike: So, who y'all want me to kill?
    Steve: Whoa! Not now, not in front of...
    Mike: Is it one of them?
    Steve: No
    Michelle: Boys, go upstairs right now.
    Mike: See y'all in a little bit. 

    To get rid of David, Steve hires hit man Mike. Mike, however, show's he's a bit eager to kill as he wonders if the job is meant for Mike's two young boys, who are also sitting in on the conversation.

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  • 4

    How Hard Can It Be?

    Video: YouTube

    Steve: Kelly tells me y'all work together over at Loomis. That strikes me as an incredible opportunity.
    David: You talking about robbing a bank?
    Steve: How hard can it be? You load up a truck and you drive away.

    Steve approaches David with what he calls an incredible opportunity. Steve wants David to rob a bank and thinks even the most idiotic person could pull off a job this easy.

    Should this be higher or lower?