VOTE
459 voters

The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair

Updated June 14, 2019 3.0k votes 459 voters 12.3k views22 items

List RulesVote up the burns hot enough to singe that hair clean off.

There is no shortage of fodder when it comes to criticizing the 45; his Twitter feed alone invokes think pieces and mental health assessments on a nearly daily basis. Despite all of the chaos surrounding the Trump Administration, many people have very important thoughts on one aspect in particular: the Donald's hair. The president may think he reigns as the very stable genius of social media, but a few other internet wordsmiths have proved their worth with some of the best burns about Trump's hair.

Sure, a list of Donald Trump hair insults might seem trivial, especially when compared to all the other things he's done and said since taking office. But his hair is just so puzzling that it cannot be ignored. Is it his real hair? Is it a dye job? Did his hair look like that even as a kid? That answer could be yes, considering all the other very strange things about Donald Trump's childhood. Plugs or the real deal, Trump's hair has acted as a muse for some rather poetic takedowns.

  • 1
    238
    33

    A Hue Best Described As 'Cigarette-Stained-Teeth-Blond'

    Unknown, quoted in The Washington Post

  • 2
    206
    25

    He’s Worked Out How To Cover 90 Per Cent Of His Skull With 30 Per Cent Of His Hair.

    Late author Christopher Hitchens, from an essay in The London Review of Books

  • 3
    181
    30

    A Shriveled Tangerine Covered In Golden Retriever Hair Filled With Bile That I Would Not Leave Alone With The Woman I Love

    Stephen Colbert during his exit interview with President Barack Obama

  • 4
    139
    28

    A Pair Of Chapped Lips Superglued To A Hairball

    Ellie Schechet, staff writer, Jezebel 

  • 5
    130
    32

    A Corn Husk Doll Cursed By A Witch

    Unknown, quoted in The Washington Post

  • 6
    155
    65

    An Abandoned Nest

    Author Matt Labash to AdWeek

  • 7
    132
    57

    It Appears To Be A Comb-Over, But, In­cred­ibly, It Doesn’t Arrive From Any Direction. You Cannot Stare At The Donald’s Hair Very Long. It’s Like Staring Into The Sun.

    Unknown, quoted in The Washington Post

  • 8
    92
    30

    You Know How You Can Tell Your Dog Is Sick By The Poo? It's Like That. Sick Dog Poo.

    Evan Rachel Wood to Vanity Fair at the 2015 Toronto International Film Festival

  • 9
    79
    25

    A Talking Comb-over

    Joanna Rothkopf, managing editor, Jezebel

  • 10
    78
    24

    A Man With The Hair Of A Radioactive Skunk

    JE Reich, contributor, Jezebel

  • 11
    78
    28

    A Hair Plug Swollen With Rancid Egg Whites

    Anna Merlan, former senior reporter, Jezebel

  • 12
    66
    20

    It's Like A Carrot That's Been In A Basket For Too Long And It's Just Been Left In The Sun

    Saoirse Ronan to Vanity Fair at the 2015 Toronto International Film Festival

  • 13
    77
    32

    The Color Is From Just For Men, But Not Left In Long Enough

  • 14
    63
    22

    It Is A Flourish. On Top, It Flows Forward To The Forehead Where It Does A Fine, Serpentine U-Turn, While Along The Sides It Sweeps Over The Tops Of His Ears Like Rows Of Cirrus Clouds

  • 15
    62
    24

    Some Diffused, Unsavory Salmon, Like, Don't Eat That Salmon, Man

    Kristen Stewart to Vanity Fair at the 2015 Toronto International Film Festival

  • 16
    85
    47

    An Inter-Dimensional, Gravity-Warping Vortex

    Unknown, quoted in The Washington Post

  • 17
    54
    19

    A Creation Consisting Of Two Different Parts, Like An Ikea Shelf

    Rogel Alpher, Haaretz columnist 

  • 18
    53
    27

    A Hair That You Pluck, Causing A Cluster Of Hairs To Sprout In Its Place

    Joanna Rothkopf, managing editor, Jezebel

  • 19
    50
    54

    Tuscan Surprise

    Sarah Silverman to Vanity Fair at the 2015 Toronto International Film Festival

  • 20
    50
    56

    Corn Stalk Yellow

    Bryan Cranston to Vanity Fair at the 2015 Toronto International Film Festival

  • 21
    73
    90

    Fantastic

    Jason Bateman to Vanity Fair at the 2015 Toronto International Film Festival

  • 22
    44
    52

    Grey, Struggling To Hide It

    Salma Hayek to Vanity Fair at the 2015 Toronto International Film Festival