VOTE The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair  

Matt Manser
2.2k votes 385 voters 10.1k views 22 items

List Rules Vote up the burns hot enough to singe that hair clean off.

There is no shortage of fodder when it comes to criticizing the 45; his Twitter feed alone invokes think pieces and mental health assessments on a nearly daily basis. Despite all of the chaos surrounding the Trump Administration, many people have very important thoughts on one aspect in particular: the Donald's hair. The president may think he reigns as the very stable genius of social media, but a few other internet wordsmiths have proved their worth with some of the best burns about Trump's hair.

Sure, a list of Donald Trump hair insults might seem trivial, especially when compared to all the other things he's done and said since taking office. But his hair is just so puzzling that it cannot be ignored. Is it his real hair? Is it a dye job? Did his hair look like that even as a kid? That answer could be yes, considering all the other very strange things about Donald Trump's childhood. Plugs or the real deal, Trump's hair has acted as a muse for some rather poetic takedowns.

list ordered by

1
195 22
A Hue Best Described As 'Cigar... is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
A Hue Best Described As 'Cigarette-Stained-Teeth-Blond'

Unknown, quoted in The Washington Post

2
160 20
He’s Worked Out How To Cover 9... is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
He’s Worked Out How To Cover 90 Per Cent Of His Skull With 30 Per Cent Of His Hair.

Late author Christopher Hitchens, from an essay in The London Review of Books

3
142 20
A Shriveled Tangerine Covered ... is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
A Shriveled Tangerine Covered In Golden Retriever Hair Filled With Bile That I Would Not Leave Alone With The Woman I Love

Stephen Colbert during his exit interview with President Barack Obama

4
121 23
An Abandoned Nest is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
An Abandoned Nest

Author Matt Labash to AdWeek

5
109 21
A Corn Husk Doll Cursed By A W... is listed (or ranked) 5 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
A Corn Husk Doll Cursed By A Witch

Unknown, quoted in The Washington Post

6
105 21
It Appears To Be A Comb-Over, ... is listed (or ranked) 6 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
It Appears To Be A Comb-Over, But, In­cred­ibly, It Doesn’t Arrive From Any Direction. You Cannot Stare At The Donald’s Hair Very Long. It’s Like Staring Into The Sun.

Unknown, quoted in The Washington Post

7
109 23
A Pair Of Chapped Lips Supergl... is listed (or ranked) 7 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
A Pair Of Chapped Lips Superglued To A Hairball

Ellie Schechet, staff writer, Jezebel 

8
76 22
You Know How You Can Tell Your... is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
You Know How You Can Tell Your Dog Is Sick By The Poo? It's Like That. Sick Dog Poo.

Evan Rachel Wood to Vanity Fair at the 2015 Toronto International Film Festival

9
55 12
It's Like A Carrot That's Been... is listed (or ranked) 9 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
It's Like A Carrot That's Been In A Basket For Too Long And It's Just Been Left In The Sun

Saoirse Ronan to Vanity Fair at the 2015 Toronto International Film Festival

10
59 16
An Inter-Dimensional, Gravity-... is listed (or ranked) 10 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
An Inter-Dimensional, Gravity-Warping Vortex

Unknown, quoted in The Washington Post

11
60 19
A Man With The Hair Of A Radio... is listed (or ranked) 11 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
A Man With The Hair Of A Radioactive Skunk

JE Reich, contributor, Jezebel

12
61 20
A Talking Comb-over is listed (or ranked) 12 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
A Talking Comb-over

Joanna Rothkopf, managing editor, Jezebel

13
58 18
A Hair Plug Swollen With Ranci... is listed (or ranked) 13 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
A Hair Plug Swollen With Rancid Egg Whites

Anna Merlan, former senior reporter, Jezebel

14
54 17
It Is A Flourish. On Top, It F... is listed (or ranked) 14 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
It Is A Flourish. On Top, It Flows Forward To The Forehead Where It Does A Fine, Serpentine U-Turn, While Along The Sides It Sweeps Over The Tops Of His Ears Like Rows Of Cirrus Clouds

Pete McMartin, Vancouver Sun columnist

15
52 16
Some Diffused, Unsavory Salmon... is listed (or ranked) 15 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
Some Diffused, Unsavory Salmon, Like, Don't Eat That Salmon, Man

Kristen Stewart to Vanity Fair at the 2015 Toronto International Film Festival

16
65 26
The Color Is From Just For Men... is listed (or ranked) 16 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
The Color Is From Just For Men, But Not Left In Long Enough

Ivanka Trump in Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House

17
45 15
A Creation Consisting Of Two D... is listed (or ranked) 17 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
A Creation Consisting Of Two Different Parts, Like An Ikea Shelf

Rogel Alpher, Haaretz columnist 

18
45 20
Corn Stalk Yellow is listed (or ranked) 18 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
Corn Stalk Yellow

Bryan Cranston to Vanity Fair at the 2015 Toronto International Film Festival

19
46 21
A Hair That You Pluck, Causing... is listed (or ranked) 19 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
A Hair That You Pluck, Causing A Cluster Of Hairs To Sprout In Its Place

Joanna Rothkopf, managing editor, Jezebel

20
44 20
Tuscan Surprise is listed (or ranked) 20 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
Tuscan Surprise

Sarah Silverman to Vanity Fair at the 2015 Toronto International Film Festival

21
37 20
Grey, Struggling To Hide It is listed (or ranked) 21 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
Grey, Struggling To Hide It

Salma Hayek to Vanity Fair at the 2015 Toronto International Film Festival

22
25 72
Fantastic is listed (or ranked) 22 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
Fantastic

Jason Bateman to Vanity Fair at the 2015 Toronto International Film Festival