VOTE The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair  

Matt Manser
2.4k votes 436 voters 11.4k views 22 items

List Rules Vote up the burns hot enough to singe that hair clean off.

There is no shortage of fodder when it comes to criticizing the 45; his Twitter feed alone invokes think pieces and mental health assessments on a nearly daily basis. Despite all of the chaos surrounding the Trump Administration, many people have very important thoughts on one aspect in particular: the Donald's hair. The president may think he reigns as the very stable genius of social media, but a few other internet wordsmiths have proved their worth with some of the best burns about Trump's hair.

Sure, a list of Donald Trump hair insults might seem trivial, especially when compared to all the other things he's done and said since taking office. But his hair is just so puzzling that it cannot be ignored. Is it his real hair? Is it a dye job? Did his hair look like that even as a kid? That answer could be yes, considering all the other very strange things about Donald Trump's childhood. Plugs or the real deal, Trump's hair has acted as a muse for some rather poetic takedowns.

list ordered by

1
215 26
A Hue Best Described As 'Cigar... is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
A Hue Best Described As 'Cigarette-Stained-Teeth-Blond'

Unknown, quoted in The Washington Post

2
181 21
He’s Worked Out How To Cover 9... is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
He’s Worked Out How To Cover 90 Per Cent Of His Skull With 30 Per Cent Of His Hair.

Late author Christopher Hitchens, from an essay in The London Review of Books

3
157 25
A Shriveled Tangerine Covered ... is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
A Shriveled Tangerine Covered In Golden Retriever Hair Filled With Bile That I Would Not Leave Alone With The Woman I Love

Stephen Colbert during his exit interview with President Barack Obama

4
136 26
An Abandoned Nest is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
An Abandoned Nest

Author Matt Labash to AdWeek

5
124 23
A Pair Of Chapped Lips Supergl... is listed (or ranked) 5 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
A Pair Of Chapped Lips Superglued To A Hairball

Ellie Schechet, staff writer, Jezebel 

6
117 23
It Appears To Be A Comb-Over, ... is listed (or ranked) 6 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
It Appears To Be A Comb-Over, But, In­cred­ibly, It Doesn’t Arrive From Any Direction. You Cannot Stare At The Donald’s Hair Very Long. It’s Like Staring Into The Sun.

Unknown, quoted in The Washington Post

7
118 25
A Corn Husk Doll Cursed By A W... is listed (or ranked) 7 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
A Corn Husk Doll Cursed By A Witch

Unknown, quoted in The Washington Post

8
83 24
You Know How You Can Tell Your... is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
You Know How You Can Tell Your Dog Is Sick By The Poo? It's Like That. Sick Dog Poo.

Evan Rachel Wood to Vanity Fair at the 2015 Toronto International Film Festival

9
69 19
An Inter-Dimensional, Gravity-... is listed (or ranked) 9 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
An Inter-Dimensional, Gravity-Warping Vortex

Unknown, quoted in The Washington Post

10
69 21
A Talking Comb-over is listed (or ranked) 10 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
A Talking Comb-over

Joanna Rothkopf, managing editor, Jezebel

11
68 21
A Man With The Hair Of A Radio... is listed (or ranked) 11 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
A Man With The Hair Of A Radioactive Skunk

JE Reich, contributor, Jezebel

12
69 22
A Hair Plug Swollen With Ranci... is listed (or ranked) 12 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
A Hair Plug Swollen With Rancid Egg Whites

Anna Merlan, former senior reporter, Jezebel

13
59 16
It's Like A Carrot That's Been... is listed (or ranked) 13 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
It's Like A Carrot That's Been In A Basket For Too Long And It's Just Been Left In The Sun

Saoirse Ronan to Vanity Fair at the 2015 Toronto International Film Festival

14
59 18
It Is A Flourish. On Top, It F... is listed (or ranked) 14 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
It Is A Flourish. On Top, It Flows Forward To The Forehead Where It Does A Fine, Serpentine U-Turn, While Along The Sides It Sweeps Over The Tops Of His Ears Like Rows Of Cirrus Clouds

Pete McMartin, Vancouver Sun columnist

15
71 27
The Color Is From Just For Men... is listed (or ranked) 15 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
The Color Is From Just For Men, But Not Left In Long Enough

16
57 20
Some Diffused, Unsavory Salmon... is listed (or ranked) 16 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
Some Diffused, Unsavory Salmon, Like, Don't Eat That Salmon, Man

Kristen Stewart to Vanity Fair at the 2015 Toronto International Film Festival

17
49 16
A Creation Consisting Of Two D... is listed (or ranked) 17 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
A Creation Consisting Of Two Different Parts, Like An Ikea Shelf

Rogel Alpher, Haaretz columnist 

18
50 23
A Hair That You Pluck, Causing... is listed (or ranked) 18 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
A Hair That You Pluck, Causing A Cluster Of Hairs To Sprout In Its Place

Joanna Rothkopf, managing editor, Jezebel

19
47 22
Tuscan Surprise is listed (or ranked) 19 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
Tuscan Surprise

Sarah Silverman to Vanity Fair at the 2015 Toronto International Film Festival

20
47 23
Corn Stalk Yellow is listed (or ranked) 20 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
Corn Stalk Yellow

Bryan Cranston to Vanity Fair at the 2015 Toronto International Film Festival

21
39 22
Grey, Struggling To Hide It is listed (or ranked) 21 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
Grey, Struggling To Hide It

Salma Hayek to Vanity Fair at the 2015 Toronto International Film Festival

22
29 80
Fantastic is listed (or ranked) 22 on the list The Meanest Things People Have Ever Said About Donald Trump's Hair
Fantastic

Jason Bateman to Vanity Fair at the 2015 Toronto International Film Festival