Culture

The Best Military Jokes

List Rules
Vote up any great joke that will make military men & women laugh

The funny military jokes and on this list are for soldiers and civilians alike. This military humor will crack you up whether you’re in the Army, Marines, Navy, or Air Force. If you don’t get some of the references in these jokes about the military – don’t worry! Unless you’re in the National Guard, then you might want to do some research. From Army jokes to gutbusters about rabbits who fly planes, there’s going to be something for you to laugh at on this list. The only reason not to laugh at any of these military puns and jokes is if you’re in a foxhole behind enemy lines. Although if you get captured, some of these hilarious military jokes might be your ticket home.

The United States Military is a collection of brave men and women from diverse backgrounds and lifestyles. We recognize that without their dedication to service, we probably wouldn’t have the freedom to write such silly things on the Internet. That’s why we’ve collected so much top-tier military jokes in one place. It’s what we do! Hopefully you can tell that we’re saluting even if it looks like we’re pointing and laughing.

Vote up your favorite jokes about the military, and if you don’t you better drop and give us twenty!
Photo:
list ordered by
  • What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas & Pepper Spray?
    1

    What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas & Pepper Spray?

    A seasoned veteran.
  • What Do You Call a Marine with an IQ of 160?
    2

    What Do You Call a Marine with an IQ of 160?

    A platoon!
  • What's the Main Mission of the Marines?
    3

    What's the Main Mission of the Marines?

    To make sure the Army never get their feet wet.
  • What's the Difference Between the Army and the Boy Scouts?
    4

    What's the Difference Between the Army and the Boy Scouts?

    The Boy Scouts have adult supervision.
  • Which Month Do Soldiers Hate?
    5

    Which Month Do Soldiers Hate?

    March!
  • How Do You Play Air Force Bingo?
    6

    How Do You Play Air Force Bingo?

    B-52...F-16...A-10.
  • What's Long, Hard, and Full of Seamen?
    7

    What's Long, Hard, and Full of Seamen?

    A submarine! 
  • What's the Difference Between a Fighter Pilot and a Fighter Jet?
    8

    What's the Difference Between a Fighter Pilot and a Fighter Jet?

    The jet stops whining the engines are shut off.
  • How Many American Officers Does It Take to Screw in a Light Bulb?
    9

    How Many American Officers Does It Take to Screw in a Light Bulb?

    Only one, but they do it from 30 miles away using laser targeting at a cost of $8.3 million.
  • How Do They Separate the Men From the Boys in the Navy?
    10

    How Do They Separate the Men From the Boys in the Navy?

    With a crowbar!
  • How Do You Knock Out a Marine Drinking Water?
    11

    How Do You Knock Out a Marine Drinking Water?

    Slam the toilet lid on his head.
  • Did You Hear about the Accident at the Army Base?
    12

    Did You Hear about the Accident at the Army Base?

    A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two kernals!
  • What Did One Sailor Say to the Other When They Had the Same Problem?
    13

    What Did One Sailor Say to the Other When They Had the Same Problem?

    "We're in the same boat."
  • What Branch of the Military Do Babies Join?
    14

    What Branch of the Military Do Babies Join?

    The infantry!
  • What Do You Call a Marine with an Open Head Wound?
    15

    What Do You Call a Marine with an Open Head Wound?

    Ajar head.
  • Have You Heard about the Karate Champion Who Joined the Military?
    16

    Have You Heard about the Karate Champion Who Joined the Military?

    He nearly killed himself the first time he saluted! 
  • Why Was the Sergeant Upset That His Son Got an A in Math?
    17

    Why Was the Sergeant Upset That His Son Got an A in Math?

    Because he spent more time dividing than conquering!
  • What's the Difference Between Aeroflot & The Scud Missile?
    18

    What's the Difference Between Aeroflot & The Scud Missile?

    Aeroflot has killed more people.
  • What's It Called When a Soldier Jumps into a Fox Hole?
    19

    What's It Called When a Soldier Jumps into a Fox Hole?

    Bestiality.
  • What Don't You Say to a Marine?
    20

    What Don't You Say to a Marine?

    I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to join the Marine Corps.
  • Where Do Rabbits Learn to Fly?
    21

    Where Do Rabbits Learn to Fly?

    In the hare force!
  • Where Do Generals Keep Their Armies?
    22

    Where Do Generals Keep Their Armies?

    In their sleevies!
  • What Happened to the Soldier Who Went to the Enemy Bar?
    23

    What Happened to the Soldier Who Went to the Enemy Bar?

    He got bombed.
  • What Did the Navy Say to the Coast Guard?
    24

    What Did the Navy Say to the Coast Guard?

    "We'll SEAL you later!"
  • What Do You Call a Snail Aboard a Ship?
    25

    What Do You Call a Snail Aboard a Ship?

    A snailer.