jokes The Best Military Jokes  

Jack Napier
9.6k votes 3.2k voters 59.3k views 25 items

List Rules Vote up any great joke that will make military men & women laugh

The funny military jokes and on this list are for soldiers and civilians alike. This military humor will crack you up whether you’re in the Army, Marines, Navy, or Air Force. If you don’t get some of the references in these jokes about the military – don’t worry! Unless you’re in the National Guard, then you might want to do some research. From Army jokes to gutbusters about rabbits who fly planes, there’s going to be something for you to laugh at on this list. The only reason not to laugh at any of these military puns and jokes is if you’re in a foxhole behind enemy lines. Although if you get captured, some of these hilarious military jokes might be your ticket home.

The United States Military is a collection of brave men and women from diverse backgrounds and lifestyles. We recognize that without their dedication to service, we probably wouldn’t have the freedom to write such silly things on the Internet. That’s why we’ve collected so much top-tier military jokes in one place. It’s what we do! Hopefully you can tell that we’re saluting even if it looks like we’re pointing and laughing.

Vote up your favorite jokes about the military, and if you don’t you better drop and give us twenty!
list ordered by

1
367 189
What's Long, Hard, and Ful... is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list The Best Military Jokes
What's Long, Hard, and Full of Seamen? A submarine! 

2
448 244
What's the Difference Between ... is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list The Best Military Jokes
What's the Difference Between the Army and the Boy Scouts? The Boy Scouts have adult supervision.

3
656 382
What Do You Call a Marine with... is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list The Best Military Jokes
What Do You Call a Marine with an IQ of 160? A platoon!

4
458 253
What's the Difference Between ... is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The Best Military Jokes
What's the Difference Between a Fighter Pilot and a Fighter Jet? The jet stops whining the engines are shut off.

5
504 284
What Do You Call a Soldier Who... is listed (or ranked) 5 on the list The Best Military Jokes
What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas & Pepper Spray? A seasoned veteran.

6
305 153
What's the Main Mission of the... is listed (or ranked) 6 on the list The Best Military Jokes
What's the Main Mission of the Marines? To make sure the Army never get their feet wet.

7
367 195
How Do You Knock Out a Marine ... is listed (or ranked) 7 on the list The Best Military Jokes
How Do You Knock Out a Marine Drinking Water? Slam the toilet lid on his head.

8
327 169
Which Month Do Soldiers Hate? is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list The Best Military Jokes
Which Month Do Soldiers Hate? March!

9
237 109
How Do You Play Air Force Bing... is listed (or ranked) 9 on the list The Best Military Jokes
How Do You Play Air Force Bingo? B-52...F-16...A-10.

10
334 176
How Do They Separate the Men F... is listed (or ranked) 10 on the list The Best Military Jokes
How Do They Separate the Men From the Boys in the Navy? With a crowbar!

11
213 99
Did You Hear about the Acciden... is listed (or ranked) 11 on the list The Best Military Jokes
Did You Hear about the Accident at the Army Base? A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two kernals!

12
180 82
What Do You Call a Marine with... is listed (or ranked) 12 on the list The Best Military Jokes
What Do You Call a Marine with an Open Head Wound? Ajar head.

13
185 98
How Many American Officers Doe... is listed (or ranked) 13 on the list The Best Military Jokes
How Many American Officers Does It Take to Screw in a Light Bulb? Only one, but they do it from 30 miles away using laser targeting at a cost of $8.3 million.

14
182 110
What Branch of the Military Do... is listed (or ranked) 14 on the list The Best Military Jokes
What Branch of the Military Do Babies Join? The infantry!

27 Illuminati Eye Sightings in Pop Culture

15
127 78
What Did One Sailor Say to the... is listed (or ranked) 15 on the list The Best Military Jokes
What Did One Sailor Say to the Other When They Had the Same Problem? "We're in the same boat."

16
143 93
Have You Heard about the Karat... is listed (or ranked) 16 on the list The Best Military Jokes
Have You Heard about the Karate Champion Who Joined the Military? He nearly killed himself the first time he saluted! 

17
141 97
Why Was the Sergeant Upset Tha... is listed (or ranked) 17 on the list The Best Military Jokes
Why Was the Sergeant Upset That His Son Got an A in Math? Because he spent more time dividing than conquering!

18
119 86
What's the Difference Betw... is listed (or ranked) 18 on the list The Best Military Jokes
What's the Difference Between Aeroflot & The Scud Missile? Aeroflot has killed more people.

19
126 99
What Don't You Say to a Ma... is listed (or ranked) 19 on the list The Best Military Jokes
What Don't You Say to a Marine? I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to join the Marine Corps.

20
119 102
Where Do Rabbits Learn to Fly? is listed (or ranked) 20 on the list The Best Military Jokes
Where Do Rabbits Learn to Fly? In the hare force!

21
118 104
What's It Called When a So... is listed (or ranked) 21 on the list The Best Military Jokes
What's It Called When a Soldier Jumps into a Fox Hole? Bestiality.

22
87 112
Where Do Generals Keep Their A... is listed (or ranked) 22 on the list The Best Military Jokes
Where Do Generals Keep Their Armies? In their sleevies!

23
72 101
What Happened to the Soldier W... is listed (or ranked) 23 on the list The Best Military Jokes
What Happened to the Soldier Who Went to the Enemy Bar? He got bombed.

24
80 114
What Did the Navy Say to the C... is listed (or ranked) 24 on the list The Best Military Jokes
What Did the Navy Say to the Coast Guard? "We'll SEAL you later!"

25
63 128
What Do You Call a Snail Aboar... is listed (or ranked) 25 on the list The Best Military Jokes
What Do You Call a Snail Aboard a Ship? A snailer.