Photo: The Witcher 3 / CD Projekt

Video Game Characters You Never Noticed Were Total Sexual Deviants

Voting Rules
Vote up the video game characters who make you embarrassed to be controlling.

Weird sex references have always existed in the background of video games, but they've become especially prevalent in the last 20 years. As game technology has caught up with Hollywood, creators are increasingly able to dish out seemingly endless fantasy worlds to delight thirsty players. 

Developers can now render sex scenes in much greater detail, and even design some scenes to allow player participation. A few studios have managed to push the envelope by delivering some truly raunchy cut-scenes and mini-games for their fans to enjoy.

The uptick in polygonal sexuality has resulted in quite a few video game characters who are total pervs. Just look at Geralt of Rivia from The Witcher series; the monster hunter gets to sleep with quite a few women, and loves collecting mementos from all of his wild nights in bed (or on the back of a unicorn). 

Then there are the more predatory protagonists, such as Tim from Braid and James Sunderland from Silent Hill 2. These sexually deviant perverts' desires run much darker than simply wanting to live happily ever after at the end of the game. 

Photo: The Witcher 3 / CD Projekt

  • Bowser's intentions towards Princess Peach have always been questionable. Kidnapping her is never just about taking over the Mushroom Kingdom and luring Mario into a trap; Bowser is also very interested in marrying her and having inter-species children. Why else would he fantasize that Peach is Bowser Jr.'s mother in Super Mario Sunshine?

    In Super Mario Odyssey, Bowser decides to skip over the whole marriage thing by kidnapping Peach and forcing her to say, "I do," before Mario can save her. What he probably planned to do next is too cringeworthy to even think about. 

    134 votes
  • Do you ever wonder what goes on inside of Solid Snake's sneaking suit? Judging by the way he gets the hots for every woman he meets on the battlefield, his codename isn't the only thing that's solid. Forget his brief fling with Meryl, who is much younger than him in Metal Gear Solid. Snake's most pervy moment comes in Metal Gear Solid 4

    In Guns of the Patriots, Snake — whose body is rapidly aging due to a virus — is on a mission to rescue Dr. Naomi Hunter. When they meet in a cabin in South America, it's clear that Old Snake is interested in more than just extracting Dr. Hunter.

    At one point during their conversation, Snake pretends to drop a cigarette in order to get a better look at what's going on underneath Dr. Hunter's lab coat. The scene is about as subtle as a Metal Gear stomping through Shadow Moses. 

    102 votes
  • Nothing screams "healthy" like collecting a trophy every time you have sex with someone new. Geralt of Rivia, the main protagonist of The Witcher series, collects "romance cards" after every sweaty, dirty encounter, and the games give players the chance to compile a potentially hefty deck. 

    Every time the player unlocks a "romance scene," they are rewarded with a new playing card featuring Geralt's latest partner, which is then made forever accessible in Geralt's journal. The cards themselves are raunchy as Hell, and don't shy away from showing bare breasts and women bending over in suggestive positions. Luckily, the game glosses over all of Geralt's "solo romance scenes." 

    130 votes
  • 4
    74 VOTES

    Conker Helps King Bee "Pollinate" A Busty Sunflower

    Conker's Bad Fur Day is a dirty game. In one level, Conker has to help King Bee "pollinate" a feisty sunflower who won't open up to him. To do this, Conker has to find a swarm of smaller bees to help "warm her up" so that King Bee can buzz on in and get the job done.

    It's pretty clear what "pollinating" really means, and Conker gets to watch the whole thing; a dopey smile plastered across his face. There's a reason why they don't make 3D platformers like this anymore.

    74 votes
  • 5
    79 VOTES

    James Sunderland Is A Sicko

    Everything that happens in Silent Hill 2 is a manifestation of protagonist James Sunderland's darkest desires. When James first encounters the hideous Pyramid Head, he appears to be raping a demon nurse, which doesn't bode well for James's psyche. 

    Every horrific entity that James encounters is symbolic of his sexual frustration, which built up during the three years he dealt with his now-deceased wife's debilitating illness. Then there's Maria, the aggressive, imaginary stand-in for James's late wife. She is healthy, sexy, and flirty; everything he hoped his wife would be. 

    One look at James's experience in Silent Hill will tell you more than enough about the protagonist's fetishes. 

    79 votes
  • 6
    67 VOTES

    Tim Is The Creepy Dude We're All Trying To Run Away From

    Braid is a commentary on the platformers of '80s and '90s, primarily the Super Mario series. Just as Mario returns time and again to save his beloved princess from the clutches of an evil monster, so too does Braid's protagonist, Tim.

    However, the 2008 indie darling ends with with a big twist: Tim is actually the monster (clad in a creepy black suit) the Princess has been running away from all along. A subversion of the Mario formula, Tim has basically spent the entire game stalking a terrified woman across a series of platforming levels. The reveal comes in the final level of the game that, when played in reverse, shows the princess doing everything she can to fend off Tim before eventually being rescued by an unnamed knight. 

    67 votes