Updated September 29, 2022 18.3K votes 3.0K voters 343.7K views
"The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk they're sober." -William Butler Yeats.
These are some of our favorite, most lovable TV drunks. Famous drunks: cartoon characters, ad men, a shoe salesman, even a kindergarten teacher – they are all proof that it's OK to enjoy the results of a good fermentation process. This list of alcoholic TV characters includes some of the greatest TV characters of all time, because hey, boozehounds are people too. Vote for your favorite drunk TV characters and see if you recognize all of the TV alcoholics on this list.
"Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems." --Homer Simpson
Homer was the original cartoon drunk (well, the first one with his own show). He consumes so much beer that his bartender, Moe, is a regular character and his favorite brew, Duff's, is probably better known to some than his perpetual infantile daughter's name (seriously, people never remember it).
BEST OF HOMER BEER QUOTES "I've figured out an alternative to giving up my beer. Basically, we become a family of traveling acrobats." When the Simpsons are low on money and have to cut back on things like beer.
"I like my beer cold... my TV loud... and my homosexuals flaming."
"Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddies, and kids with fake IDs."
"I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer."
"DOE RE MI BEER DOUGH... the stuff...that buys me beer... RAY..... the guy that sells me beer... ME...... the guy... who drinks the beer, FAR..... the distance to my beer SO...... I think I'll have a beer... LA...... La la la la la la beer TEA..... no thanks, I'm drinking beer... That will bring us back to...(Looks into an empty glass) D'OH!" --Homer J. Simpson
"It's not easy being drunk all the time. Everyone would do it if it were easy"
If he weren't already putting the "imp" in PIMP, we'd have to find a way for Tyrion to put the "unk" in DRUNK. The biggest little drinker on "Game of Thrones", the son of Tywin makes no mystery of his love for liquor and prostitutes. He's just such a fierce man and a fun drunk that you'd HAVE to get a drink with him should the opportunity arise.
Bender from "Futurama" not only loves smoking, drinking, gambling, and treating others like crap, but the circuits of his robot body are LITERALLY fueled by alcohol.
To add to the point, his name is BENDER. As in, going on a Bender. We actually just recently put that together.
Bender's pretty much miserable when he doesn't get to drink, a true sign of an alcoholic, and often says things such as, "What kind of party is this? There's no booze and only one hooker."
Much like the majority of the people on this list, he's mostly a piece of crap, but we love him because like most TV alcoholics, we don't have to be around him and he makes us laugh.
Aside from a brief stint of sobriety that afforded Barney the opportunity to pilot a helicopter (among other things), Homer J Simpson's best bud is a RAGING alcoholic. He's sucked the taps at Moe's, drank from pooled beer on the street, and even produced an award-winning movie about his alcoholism (Pukahontas).
Some of Barney's better quotes on alcohol:
"In case you get hungry, there's an open beer in the fridge."
"Moe, I've come here to make amends for my disgraceful behaviour over the last twenty years...I broke barstools, befouled your broom closet, and made sweet love to your pool table, which I then befouled."
TV's most beer-crazed lovable teddy bear, Norm Peterson is a man of few words but with a strong appetite for the brew. This show takes place in a bar... AND HE IS ALWAYS THERE.
Watch the video to the left to see Norm and Cliff sing some sparkling renditions of "Lollipop."
BEST OF NORM QUOTES
SAM: What do you know there, Norm? NORM: How to sit. How to drink. Want to quiz me?
SAM: What'd you like, Normie? NORM: A reason to live. Give me another beer.
WOODY: How's it going, Mr. Peterson? NORM: Poor. WOODY: I'm sorry to hear that. NORM: No, I mean pour.
WOODY: How would a beer feel, Mr. Peterson? NORM: Pretty nervous if I was in the room.
SAM: What's new, Normie? NORM: Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach and they're demanding beer.
WOODY: What's going on, Mr. Peterson? NORM: The question is what's going in Mr. Peterson? A beer please, Woody.
WOODY: Hey, Mr. Peterson, what's up? NORM: The warranty on my liver.
COACH: What would you say to a beer, Normie? NORM: Daddy wuvs you.
