Total Nerd 15 Cinematic Alpha Males You Never Noticed Are Almost Certainly Virgins  

Jacob Shelton
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List Rules Vote up the most surprising characters still in possession of their v-cards.

You might assume that every moment movie tough guys spend off screen is devoted to romancing a cadre of babes. But is that really the case? If you take a second look at some of your favorite movies, you'll begin to realize that there are a lot of movie heroes who are virgins. They may be constantly draped with sexy love interests, but they’re too consumed with saving the day to actually have sex. And in many cases, the cinematic alpha males you never noticed are virgins have so many specialized abilities that there’s no way they'd have time to actually hook up. This isn’t a dig at virgins; rather, it's another look at the butt-kicking alpha males of cinema.

What does it take to be an alpha male in a movie? It requires good looks, a way around a witty remark, and rippling pecs, but there's no prerequisite for understanding how sex works. In many cases, these virgin movie characters are better off never having done the deed. Their chastity keeps them focused on saving the world. From superheroes to action stars, here are all the popular movie characters who are secretly virgins.

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Captain America


Captain America is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list 15 Cinematic Alpha Males You Never Noticed Are Almost Certainly Virgins
Photo: Captain America: The First Avenger/Paramount Pictures

Yes, Steve Rogers, AKA Captain America, is a babe, but he’s not exactly well-versed in the ways of wooing a sexual partner. He grew up as dweeb in an incredibly repressive culture, and he didn’t actually get hot until the government injected him with super soldier juice – so he didn’t get laid prior to the war.

During World War II he was too busy killing Nazis to have sex with Agent Peggy Carter. Then he was frozen, and once he was thawed out he immediately started fighting aliens and punching Tony Stark, all while not having sex with Agent Sharon Carter. Virginity, thy name is Steve Rogers.

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Gaston


Gaston is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list 15 Cinematic Alpha Males You Never Noticed Are Almost Certainly Virgins
Photo: Beauty and The Beast/Disney

Gaston spends all of Beauty and The Beast puffing out his chest and swinging around his ponytail while he talks about how virile he is. Throughout the story he has his eyes set on Belle, and rather than move on when she rebukes his advances he continues to flaunt his masculinity throughout their quaint French village. Not only is Gaston a total goon, but you can tell that he’s a virgin because he’s so thirsty for Belle to pay attention to him.

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Bane


Bane is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list 15 Cinematic Alpha Males You Never Noticed Are Almost Certainly Virgins
Photo: The Dark Knight Rises/Warner Bros.

Bane, the masked, muscular thorn in the side of Batman, grew up in a hole in the middle of the desert surrounded by crooks and thieves. Sure, he's got a babelike face under that contraption, but once he escapes the prison he's out for revenge. Forget physical touch. Bane is all about pumping iron and engaging in super-villainy.

Even after he banishes Bruce Wayne to that same desert hole and starts walking people onto a frozen lake, Bane keeps himself busy with bad guy stuff rather than attempting to woo a sexual partner.

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Daniel Plainview is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list 15 Cinematic Alpha Males You Never Noticed Are Almost Certainly Virgins
Photo: There Will Be Blood/Miramax Films

There Will Be Blood’s Daniel Plainview may drink up your milkshake, but he’s never drank up anything else, you know? Not only is he a vile human being, but he’s completely obsessed with finding oil, making cold hard cash, and destroying his enemies. All three of those things are enough to fill one’s day, leaving zero time for the pursuit of sexual intercourse.

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