14 Characters Who Pretend To Be Boring Normies To Hide Their Cool Secret Lives

List Rules
Vote up the characters with the most convincingly ordinary alter egos.

The life of a super-spy/assassin/explorer/pop star/kung fu master isn't easy. These types of characters either have to get busy living or get busy pretending to be a normie to hide their cool secret careers. Everyone who hides their secret life from friends, family, and outsiders has a good reason. Many have families they want to keep safe, and with their long list of enemies at hand, it wouldn't make sense to live out and proud as neck-breaking tough guys.

For the most part, these characters just want a little peace and quiet, but there are plenty of other characters who are trying to accomplish a mission, and they can't do it without a vanilla cover identity.  Not all of these covers are perfect. For instance, a certain Austrian muscleman often plays a normal guy - but is that actually a good cover? The same goes for international pop star Hannah Montana. The following characters all have secret lives and their own way of covering them up, but some of them have better normie disguises than others. Vote up the most convincing alter egos!

  • 1
    9 VOTES

    The Five Old-As-Heck Kung Fu Masters In Pigsty Alley, 'Kung Fu Hustle'

    When you're a kung fu master with powers like "sonic scream" or literally floating in midair, you can't just go around whipping out your special ability whenever you feel like it. Maybe you can, but that's not what mastery is really about. In Kung Fu Hustle, the five old AF kung fu masters hide in plain view as workers in Pigsty Alley, a Shanghai slum.

    Why would the five kung gu masters hide in a lowdown and dirty place like Pigsty Alley? Who would think to look at a tailor, a baker, or - especially - a guy who just lives in filth for magical kung fu abilities? More often than not, we expect our martial arts masters to be hidden away up on a hill, not down in the muck and the mire. That being said, we should always expect cinematic martial arts masters to pull something unexpected. So is acting as regular people in Pigsty Alley a good cover? Well, it fooled the Axe Gang.

    9 votes
  • 2
    7 VOTES

    Ed Galbraith, 'El Camino,' 'Breaking Bad,' 'Better Call Saul'

    Ed Galbraith, 'El Camino,' 'Breaking Bad,' 'Better Call Saul'
    Photo: El Camino / Netflix

    One of the coolest jobs a crime guy can have (Ed isn't really a criminal, so "crime guy" will have to suffice) is cleaner or fixer. Someone who, for a hefty sum, cleans up whatever mess the real criminals of the story find themselves in. There's the Wolf in Pulp Fiction, the Waste Disposal Department in the John Wick series, and in the Breaking Bad universe, there's Ed Galbraith.

    For a very large and very specific amount of money, Ed will help a criminal disappear and start a new life, free from the constraints of a record or pesky locals who know who they really are. The key to this secret life is the front Galbraith has chosen: vaccuum repair man. It's a front that's so quiet and ordinary, it's beyond suspicion. 

    7 votes
  • 3
    6 VOTES

    Hutch Mansell, 'Nobody'

    When Nobody gets underway, Hutch Mansell is just a boring guy in his 50s who works at his father-in-law's machine shop. He has trouble opening up to his family, and even when burglars break into his home, he's generally useless. But all of that is a cover for his true identity - a federal "auditor," a one-man wrecking crew who cleans up a mess that regular government agents can't handle.

    The job of an auditor is so intense that Hutch couldn't balance his duties with a normal life if he tried. The impossibility of being a government cleaner who goes home to his wife and family at the end of the day is exactly why Hutch tamps his secret life down under the cover of being a human Gaussian blur. No one, not even his family, is going to look twice at such a pathetic waste of space, but that's exactly what makes him so dangerous.

    6 votes
  • If you don't remember Indiana Jones being a total normie, that's because his undercover persona is so bland that he's basically wallpaper. When Dr. Jones isn't fighting off heart-stealing cults, Nazis, or Pleiadian-obsessed Russians, he's teaching at Marshall College in Bedford, CT. Whether it's a conscious choice to teach at one of the most vague, invisible schools in the world or just a happy accident is never broached, but it doesn't hurt Indy's ability to blend in.

    When Jones is on campus, he's so divorced from his super-cool secret life that he doesn't even realize when he's being hit on, and he barely remembers to grade the homework he assigns his students. He could be playing the part of the absent-minded professor, or he could just be way more involved with ultra-rad life as an explorer of the unknown.

    8 votes
  • 5
    7 VOTES

    Jonathan Shale, 'The Substitute'

    In his real life, Jonathan Shale is a Vietnam vet and former mercenary who just wants to chill with his girlfriend in Miami. That would be totally doable if she weren't a teacher at one of the most dangerous high schools in the area. After she's assaulted by members of a local gang known as the Kings of Destruction, Shale takes it upon himself to infiltrate the school as "James Smith," a bland AF Ivy League-educated substitute teacher.

    Shale, as Smith, takes over for his girlfriend and begins to learn about the inner workings of a high school that would be more at home in a Troma film than anywhere else. Under the guise of a bland substitute teacher, Shale figures out that the principal is working with the KOD to distribute coke around Miami, and he connects with his students over the similarities between their lives as gang members and the experience of Vietnam vets... not that he would know anything about that. Shale eventually has to ditch the double life in the final act of The Substitute so he can take down every local gang almost single-handedly, but the film ends with him and his mercenary friend waxing philosophical about all the good work they could do as substitute teachers, so maybe James Smith is still out there.

    7 votes
  • How can two super-sexy assassins hide in plain sight in Middle America? Work semi-regular jobs while pretending to be a regular suburban couple, of course. Both John and Jane Smith are highly skilled operatives who are hiding their secret identities from one another through an intense series of lies that seems to actually work on each partner.

    John works as an executive with a contruction company, where he oversees various projects that allow him to spend long nights away from home, while Jane is a tech support consultant. Both of these jobs are normal and boring enough that no one would ever ask more than a couple of follow-ups at a dinner party. The only suspect thing about John and Jane's covers is that they are played by two of the most beautiful people on the planet. Then again, maybe their overall hotness is so intimidating that no one would dare ask if they actually kill people for a living.

    7 votes