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The Funniest Music Jokes

960 votes 291 voters 5.7k views25 items

List RulesVote up any funny music jokes that will make musicians laugh

The jokes and music puns on this list are not only funny, but they’re mostly true or at least come from a place of truth (we don’t really want to run over any conductors). Guitarists tend to think they’re the coolest guys in any room, drummers aren’t known to be card-carrying members of Mensa, and no one likes a conductor (maybe it's their bossiness, maybe it’s their weird hand gestures). Musicians are a rare breed and no matter which instruments they play, they’re perfectly suited to be the butts of jokes. Whether you’re a musician or not, we’re sure you’ll enjoy the music humor on this list.

We don’t want to toot our own horn, but we’ve been known to tickle the ivories every once in a while. And despite any generalizations about musicians, we’re totally normal members of society with real jobs and friends. What do you think we are, trombone players? We’ve hardly scratched the surface of jokes about musicians on this list. How can we truthfully say we’ve collected them all when a new bass player is born every day? Tune up your gitfiddles and plug in your amps, this list of the funniest music jokes is gonna rock your socks off!

Vote up your favorite jokes about musicians, and if you’ve got a musical joke you think we haven’t heard before, then go ahead and shred it out in the comments!
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  • 1
    What's the Difference Betw is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list The Funniest Music Jokes
    57
    23

    What's the Difference Between a Pianist and God?

    God doesn't think he's a pianist.
  • 2
    How Many Folk Singers Does It  is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list The Funniest Music Jokes
    35
    14

    How Many Folk Singers Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?

    One to change it and five to sing about how good the old one was.
  • 3
    What Do You Get When You Drop  is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list The Funniest Music Jokes
    31
    13

    What Do You Get When You Drop a Piano Down a Mine?

    A Flat Miner.
  • 4
    How Do You Make a Trombonist&# is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The Funniest Music Jokes
    26
    14

    How Do You Make a Trombonist's Car More Aerodynamic?

    Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof.
  • 5
    What Do You Call Bach? is listed (or ranked) 5 on the list The Funniest Music Jokes
    22
    15

    What Do You Call Bach?

    Dead.
  • 6
    How Do You Get a Guitarist to  is listed (or ranked) 6 on the list The Funniest Music Jokes
    37
    36

    How Do You Get a Guitarist to Play Softer?

    Place a sheet of music in front of them.
  • 7
    How Do You Know When a Drummer is listed (or ranked) 7 on the list The Funniest Music Jokes
    18
    13

    How Do You Know When a Drummer Is at Your Door?

    He speeds up when he's knocking.
  • 8
    What Do You Call a Beautiful W is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list The Funniest Music Jokes
    34
    33

    What Do You Call a Beautiful Woman on a Trombonist's Arm?

    A tattoo. 
  • 9
    What Do Drummers and Philosoph is listed (or ranked) 9 on the list The Funniest Music Jokes
    19
    15

    What Do Drummers and Philosophers Have in Common?

    They both perceive time as an abstract concept. 
  • 10
    How Do You Make Musicians Comp is listed (or ranked) 10 on the list The Funniest Music Jokes
    40
    44

    How Do You Make Musicians Complain?

    Pay them. 
  • 11
    What Do You Call a Drummer In  is listed (or ranked) 11 on the list The Funniest Music Jokes
    22
    21

    What Do You Call a Drummer In a Three-Piece Suit?

    The defendant.
  • 12
    What's the Definition of a is listed (or ranked) 12 on the list The Funniest Music Jokes
    20
    19

    What's the Definition of a Minor Second Interval?

    Two soprano sax players reading off the same part. 
  • 13
    What Do You Call Someone Who H is listed (or ranked) 13 on the list The Funniest Music Jokes
    20
    19

    What Do You Call Someone Who Hangs Around Musicians?

    A vocalist!
  • 14
    How Many Guitarists Does It Ta is listed (or ranked) 14 on the list The Funniest Music Jokes
    13
    10

    How Many Guitarists Does It Take to Screw in a Light Bulb?

    Thirteen. One to do it and twelve to stand around and say, "Pfft! I can do that!" 
  • 15
    What's the Difference Betw is listed (or ranked) 15 on the list The Funniest Music Jokes
    15
    13

    What's the Difference Between Terrorists and Accordion Players?

    Terrorists have sympathizers.
  • 16
    What Do You Call a Guitar Play is listed (or ranked) 16 on the list The Funniest Music Jokes
    19
    20

    What Do You Call a Guitar Player Without a Girlfriend?

    Homeless.
  • 17
    What Will You Never Say about  is listed (or ranked) 17 on the list The Funniest Music Jokes
    11
    10

    What Will You Never Say about a Banjo Player?

    "That's the banjo player's Porsche." 
  • 18
    What Do You Call a Guitar Play is listed (or ranked) 18 on the list The Funniest Music Jokes
    11
    13

    What Do You Call a Guitar Player Who Only Knows Two Chords?

    A music critic. 
  • 19
    If You See a Conductor and a V is listed (or ranked) 19 on the list The Funniest Music Jokes
    9
    10

    If You See a Conductor and a Violist in the Middle of The Road, Who Do You Run over First?

    The conductor. Business before pleasure. 
  • 20
    How Do You Get Two Bass Player is listed (or ranked) 20 on the list The Funniest Music Jokes
    12
    14

    How Do You Get Two Bass Players to Play in Unison?

    Hand them charts a half-step apart. 
  • 21
    What Do You Call a Musician wi is listed (or ranked) 21 on the list The Funniest Music Jokes
    8
    11

    What Do You Call a Musician with a College Degree?

    Night manager at McDonald's.
  • 22
    What Do You Call 100 Conductor is listed (or ranked) 22 on the list The Funniest Music Jokes
    9
    13

    What Do You Call 100 Conductors at the Bottom of the Ocean?

    A good start.
  • 23
    What's the Difference Betw is listed (or ranked) 23 on the list The Funniest Music Jokes
    10
    15

    What's the Difference Between a Dead Chicken in the Road and a Dead Trombonist in the Road?

    There's a remote chance the chicken was on its way to a gig.
  • 24
    What's the Definition of P is listed (or ranked) 24 on the list The Funniest Music Jokes
    8
    16

    What's the Definition of Perfect Pitch?

    When you throw a banjo in the dumpster and it hits an accordion.
  • 25
    What Do You Call a Cow Who Pla is listed (or ranked) 25 on the list The Funniest Music Jokes
    8
    22

    What Do You Call a Cow Who Plays a Musical Instrument?

    A moo-sician!
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