As Methods of Mayhem famously said, “Get naked.” Surely they meant, “Get naked while adhering to a strict set of rules.” And if that’s not what they meant, it’s certainly on the minds of every attendee at a nudist colony. From time to time, you must wonder, “how do nudist colonies work?” Well, thanks to the magic of the Internet, you can learn all about the importance of towels and the intense hatred for photography that exists in the world of nude beaches and resorts. Keep reading to learn some of the strangest nudist colony rules, ones you’ve always wanted to know but were too afraid to ask (or maybe just had no one to ask about).
Rules at nudist colonies are some of the most important mandates in civilized society. After all, if there are no nudism rules, how can there by any rules? And with no rules, society devolves into a state of chaos. If you’re thinking about visiting a nudist colony for the first time, or if you’re an interested voyeur, this list of strange nudist colony guidelines will get you in the right head space to play a naked game of gin rummy. And if you prescribe to the groovy nudist lifestyle and notice anything missing from this list, feel free to leave a comment.
No Lingerie, Underwear, Or Suggestive Attire
An article on nudist etiquette from The Well Written Woman warns against prospective visitors to nudist colonies wearing anything too sexy or revealing. According to the ethos of the naturalism movement, the point of hanging out naked lies in casting off the chains of societally-dictated sexuality in order to relax.
Remember, you're headed to a nudist colony, not a strip club.
You Don't Have To Be Naked
Here's a weird rule from nudist colonies - you don't have to be naked. Resorts at which you can freely go nude don't usually require you to stroll about in the buff 24/7. To quote a piece from Huffington Post on the subject:
At Desert Sun, clothing isn’t required anywhere on the property, however nudity is a must at the pools, Jacuzzis and while on the pool decks. And no need to bring a swimsuit since those are banned too. Owner Elizabeth Young says, “Unlike some places, requiring nudity in and around the pool puts everyone on the same level and there is no judgment. Desert Sun Resort has found that this works well for first timers to feel comfortable. There is nothing worse than being at a clothing optional resort and you are the only one nude in the pool.”
Do Not Feed The Alligators
This was unexpected. If you're visiting a nudist colony that's anywhere near a wild animal reserve (or any other places with apex predators or cheeky buggers like chimpanzees), it's probably a good idea to avoid all creatures that would happily snap off your parts.
Cypress Cove, a nudist resort and spa in swampy Florida, strongly recommends against feeding the alligators. Mainly because they're alligators, and, naked or not, they want to kill you.
Don't Have Sex In Front Of Everyone
This seems kinda obvious, but it's important to keep in mind. In a nude environment, maybe you'll meet someone you like. You're both letting it all hang out, you've had a few cocktails, you're feeling frisky. Everyone is naked. Sounds like the perfect way to start an orgy, right?
WRONG. According to an article on Huffington Post about the myth-vs-reality of nudist colony life, "It may seem hard to believe, what with all the naked people running around, but nudist resorts are not sexually charged environments. Any type of overt sexual behavior is actually a big no-no."