VOTE The Best Nurse Jokes  

Jack Napier
1k votes 679 voters 11.9k views 21 items

List Rules Vote up any funny joke about nurses and nursing

If you’ve been to a hospital or doctor’s office recently, then you know that nurses are the gatekeepers to the world of medicine. And if you get on the wrong side of a nurse there’s a good chance that you’ll end up sitting infinitely in a waiting room, or worse, stuck with the biggest needle they can find. Anyway, check out the funny nurse jokes on this list. But be careful, if you see a nurse wielding a syringe, it’s best to cool it with the jokes and just mind your p’s and q’s. Your best bet is to wait until after your doctor’s visit to make with the nurse humor.

Nurses can be grouchy for a lot of reasons. They might have student loans, or maybe a four year old coughed all over them before you spoke to them, more than likely both of those things happened. So why not check out these favorite nurse jokes from around the world. Nurses have a hard job, and often a thankless job so here's a "thanks!" and also some levity to brighten a nurses day. After all, after a day of taking care of the sick and injured, the thankless men and women who have to change bedpans and catheters need a laugh more than anyone we can think of.

Vote on the funniest joke about nurses!
list ordered by

1
92 57
What Did The Nurse Say When Sh... is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list The Best Nurse Jokes
What Did The Nurse Say When She Found A Rectal Thermometer In Her Pocket? "Some a**hole has my pen!"

2
31 20
What Does LPN Stand For? is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list The Best Nurse Jokes
What Does LPN Stand For? Low paid nurse.

3
20 14
What's It Called When A Hospit... is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list The Best Nurse Jokes
What's It Called When A Hospital Runs Out Of Maternity Nurses? A mid-wife crisis!

4
21 15
How Many Doctors Does It Take ... is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The Best Nurse Jokes
How Many Doctors Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb? Only one, but he has to have a nurse to tell him which end to screw in

5
24 18
Why Did The Nurse Insist On Us... is listed (or ranked) 5 on the list The Best Nurse Jokes
Why Did The Nurse Insist On Using A Rectal Thermometer To Get Temperatures? She was taught in nursing school to always look for her patient's best side. 

6
66 60
What's The Difference Between ... is listed (or ranked) 6 on the list The Best Nurse Jokes
What's The Difference Between An Oral And Rectal Thermometer? The taste. 

7
33 28
Did You Hear About The Nurse W... is listed (or ranked) 7 on the list The Best Nurse Jokes
Did You Hear About The Nurse Who Died And Went To Hell? It took her two weeks to realize that she wasn't at work anymore!

8
34 30
What's The Difference Between ... is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list The Best Nurse Jokes
What's The Difference Between A Nurse And A Nun? A nun only serves one God. 

9
28 25
How Many Nurses Does It Take T... is listed (or ranked) 9 on the list The Best Nurse Jokes
How Many Nurses Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb?

None - They just have a nursing assistant do it. 

10
18 15
How Does An OB Nurse Answer Th... is listed (or ranked) 10 on the list The Best Nurse Jokes
How Does An OB Nurse Answer The Phone? At your cervix!

11
16 13
What Do You Call Two ICU Nurse... is listed (or ranked) 11 on the list The Best Nurse Jokes
What Do You Call Two ICU Nurses Holding Hands? A synapse.

12
33 31
What Do You Call A Practical N... is listed (or ranked) 12 on the list The Best Nurse Jokes
What Do You Call A Practical Nurse? One who marries a wealthy, terminally ill patient.

13
52 51
How Do You Save A Doctor From ... is listed (or ranked) 13 on the list The Best Nurse Jokes
How Do You Save A Doctor From Drowning? Take the nurse's foot off his head. 

14
23 21
Why Was The Doctor Shouting Ty... is listed (or ranked) 14 on the list The Best Nurse Jokes
Why Was The Doctor Shouting Typhoid! Measles! Tetanus!? He just likes to call the shots. 

15
16 14
What Do Transplant Nurses Hate... is listed (or ranked) 15 on the list The Best Nurse Jokes
What Do Transplant Nurses Hate? Rejection

16
24 23
How Do You Know When A Nurse I... is listed (or ranked) 16 on the list The Best Nurse Jokes
How Do You Know When A Nurse Is Having A Bad Day? She won't stop needling people.

17
8 9
Why Was The Surgery Nurse Demo... is listed (or ranked) 17 on the list The Best Nurse Jokes
Why Was The Surgery Nurse Demoted? For being absent without gauze.

18
11 13
Why Did The Nurse Go To Art Sc... is listed (or ranked) 18 on the list The Best Nurse Jokes
Why Did The Nurse Go To Art School? To learn how to draw blood.

19
9 12
Why Did The Two Nurses Hate Ea... is listed (or ranked) 19 on the list The Best Nurse Jokes
Why Did The Two Nurses Hate Each Other? They had bad blood between them.

20
17 24
Why Did The Nurse Keep The Bed... is listed (or ranked) 20 on the list The Best Nurse Jokes
Why Did The Nurse Keep The Bedpan In The Refrigerator? Because when she kept it in the freezer it took too much skin off. 

21
8 15
Why Was The Nurse Rethinking H... is listed (or ranked) 21 on the list The Best Nurse Jokes
Why Was The Nurse Rethinking Her Job? The salary was measle-y