The Best Nurse Jokes

List Rules
Vote up any funny joke about nurses and nursing

If you’ve been to a hospital or doctor’s office recently, then you know that nurses are the gatekeepers to the world of medicine. And if you get on the wrong side of a nurse there’s a good chance that you’ll end up sitting infinitely in a waiting room, or worse, stuck with the biggest needle they can find. Anyway, check out the funny nurse jokes on this list. But be careful, if you see a nurse wielding a syringe, it’s best to cool it with the jokes and just mind your p’s and q’s. Your best bet is to wait until after your doctor’s visit to make with the nurse humor.

Nurses can be grouchy for a lot of reasons. They might have student loans, or maybe a four year old coughed all over them before you spoke to them, more than likely both of those things happened. So why not check out these favorite nurse jokes from around the world. Nurses have a hard job, and often a thankless job so here's a "thanks!" and also some levity to brighten a nurses day. After all, after a day of taking care of the sick and injured, the thankless men and women who have to change bedpans and catheters need a laugh more than anyone we can think of.

Vote on the funniest joke about nurses!
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  • What Did The Nurse Say When She Found A Rectal Thermometer In Her Pocket?
    1
    183 votes

    What Did The Nurse Say When She Found A Rectal Thermometer In Her Pocket?

    "Some a**hole has my pen!"
  • How Many Doctors Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb?
    2
    47 votes

    How Many Doctors Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb?

    Only one, but he has to have a nurse to tell him which end to screw in
  • What's The Difference Between An Oral And Rectal Thermometer?
    3
    124 votes

    What's The Difference Between An Oral And Rectal Thermometer?

    The taste. 
  • Did You Hear About The Nurse Who Died And Went To Hell?
    4
    63 votes

    Did You Hear About The Nurse Who Died And Went To Hell?

    It took her two weeks to realize that she wasn't at work anymore!