READ 15 Things You Need to Know Before Participating in the NYC Sex Party Scene  

Jacob Shelton
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Private sex clubs in New York aren’t new. These kinds of illicit business that offer a room or five where couples can secretly bone away the night while voyeurs watch and adventurous folks can join in have been in operation since the '70s. But there’s still a sense of confusion around NYC sex parties. Mostly, what’s happening in them, and is everyone a babe?

It turns out that not every sex party is based around an Eyes Wide Shut masquerade theme featuring men in dark robes and women wearing nothing but plague doctor masks (although that does sound like a blast). Some of them are simply parties where people who work 9-5 jobs unwind and probably have sex with a couple of people. If you’re going to one of the many New York sex clubs, you need to know how to behave.

Cramming a bunch of sex-positive people into a club sounds like an amazing experience, but if you aren’t on your best behavior, you’re not going to have a good time. Sex is one of the most intimate things that a person can be a part of, and if you act like a creep while someone is putting themselves out there, you run the risk of ruining everyone’s night. Keep reading to find out all of the most important pieces of New York sex club etiquette, and then slip into your leather pants and get out there. 

Whatever You Do, Don't Call It 'Swinging'

Whatever You Do, Don't Cal... is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list 15 Things You Need to Know Before Participating in the NYC Sex Party Scene
Photo: François Boucher/Wikimedia

So, you're at a sex party, and things are going swimmingly. You're tangled in a knot of slippery genitals when all of a someone says, "Boy, I sure do love swinging." Booooo. Right? Modern promoters on the New York sex scene prefer to shy away from that phrase because of the dreary visuals of unhappy '70s couples that it evokes. Most people on the scene prefer phrases like "erotic networking," or "high-velocity sexual exploration." 

Leave Your Drugs at Home

Leave Your Drugs at Home is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list 15 Things You Need to Know Before Participating in the NYC Sex Party Scene
Photo: Gustave Courbet/Wikimedia

Even if you think you're better in the sack when you're on a three-day coke bender, "Mr. Sparks," who hosts a secret sex party in Brooklyn, insists that you leave the yayo at home. He says his idea was to create a space where people can feel free to be themselves, and "when people are under the influence, it doesn't lend to creating a safe environment." The house rules say that if you break the rules once you're asked to leave, but if you're a second-time offender, you're banned for life. 

If You're a Man, You Should Bring a Gal

If You're a Man, You Shoul... is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list 15 Things You Need to Know Before Participating in the NYC Sex Party Scene
Photo: Giulio Romano/Wikimedia

This isn't so much of a piece of etiquette as it is a hard and fast rule. Think about it: whether you're a man or a woman, the last thing you want to find at the super secret swanky sex party that you got all gussied up for is a bunch of dudes (unless you specifically want an all dude sex party, and if that's the case, you can probably find one). Dudes are the worst. So remember, if you're a guy and you get invited to a sex party, bring a lady friend or stay home. 

Don't Talk About the Sex Door

Don't Talk About the Sex D... is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list 15 Things You Need to Know Before Participating in the NYC Sex Party Scene
Photo: Louis-Jean-François Lagrenée/Wikimedia

Secret sex clubs are secrets for a reason: not everyone wants to advertise that they walk around completely naked (although hopefully they're wearing Crocs or something that can be easily slipped on and off before and after coitus) in a dark club where they do things to strangers and strangers do things to them. There's obviously a clandestine nature to the NYC sex scene, and that's what makes it cool. So if you find out about a secret door in your apartment that leads to sex club à la The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, don't go blabbering about it to everyone