If you’re single, you’ve probably tried at least a few of the myriad of dating sites/apps that exist out there. And while we’ve all had to endure some truly terrible dates in our lives, the dating app Tinder seems to produce some of the most god-awful dating experiences that one can possibly have.
Here you will find some brutal retellings by people who have been kind enough to relive their worst Tinder dates. These Tinder stories really happened and after reading them, you may want to consider being single for the rest of your life, because the alternative is just too terrible. So, kick back and unwind with these Tinder horror stories.
Grand Theft Tinder
“My buddy isn't the smartest man. He picked a chick up and drove to a motel. They were walking into the room and she says, 'Oh shit, I forgot my purse in the car do you mind if I go grab it?' He says, 'Yeah, that's fine,' and tosses her the keys. 5 minutes later he walks outside wondering where she is and his car is gone.
EDIT: For clarification, yes he got his car back. I think the police found it about a week later. I don't think she was ever caught, though. If you're in Baltimore swipin' don't let her near your keys.”
Blood, Piss, And A "Lost" Wallet
“[I was on a] Tinder date with a 'famous' chef where I was taken to a dive bar, where he promptly starting talking about how famous he was. We drank and watched sports, he proceeded to tell me 'You're cute' and this eventually went to 'I am going to make you bleed.' He then invited one of his friends to come along. I went outside and he came up to kiss me. I was drunk, so I kissed back. Eventually he proceeded to tell me how he was 'being charged with battering his ex-girlfriend, but he totally didn't do it.'
Eventually when it came time to pay the bill, 'he lost his wallet.' Of course, I get stuck with it. 'I'll pay you back.' (Needless to say I never got a payment.)
Then he leaned up against me. I thought he was trying to kiss me again, but I looked down, and he was peeing on me. In the street. Peeing. On. Me.
I swiftly, being too inebriated to drive, went and got myself a hotel room and a hot shower.
Daddy Déjà Vu
“A little back story: A few years ago I was dating this girl and her father REALLY hated me. Which was a bit odd as most parents love me (or at least lie about it real well). He was just a huge prick and I always called him on his shit. Anyways, her parents got divorced, we broke up a few months later etc., etc.
Fast forward to around a year later. Me and [a] girl from Tinder were dating for a few months and things were starting to get serious. We're at the point where she wants me to meet her family. Mother, step father, little sister. Why not? I have no problems meeting them, lets do it I said. She told me how excited her step dad was to meet me as it turns out we both happen to be Kansas City Chiefs fans.
Well, fuck me if it wasn't the same asshole father of my ex girlfriend...”
Stab 'Em In The Pussy
“Met up with a really hot "bi-curious" girl. I'm a lesbian, this girl had only ever been with men and wanted to experiment with girls. She was stupidly hot, like hot-hot. We matched and we chatted for like 2 days. I soon found out we had no common ground at all. Like... None. However, she wanted to meet and me being the horny lez gremlin I am agreed just because she was hot and I could take her girl-on-girl virginity.
We agreed to meet one day, [I] picked her up and we went for drinks. Walked back to mine and chatted a little more over alcoholic root beer and Breaking Bad. We started making out, she took off my bra, I took off hers, she took my pants off, I took hers off. We started kissing, touching, feeling. She starts fingering me, I can tell straight away she is a first timer. She starts jabbing at my poor vag with her half-inch acrylics. I tell her to slow down a little and be a little more gentle about it. All of a sudden, she bursts into tears and says she's not ready. I tell her it's fine blah, blah. She ends up staying at my place and we cuddle for the night until I sobered up enough to drive her back home in the morning.
Later the next day I go for a piss and realize it stings like a bitch and my pee smells DREADFUL and is cloudy. Run to the doctors because I'm a casual hypochondriac and take a pee sample. Doctor sticks the paper in my pee and yup straight away it shows I have a UTI. I didn't piss after Little Miss Bi-curious scratched my insides out. Bitch gave me a UTI AND blue balls.”