Lawmakers Legalize Raw Milk, Then Get Sick to Their Stomachs After Drinking It
For pretty much your whole life, you've been drinking processed, pasteurized milk. There's a good reason for this: raw, unfiltered milk contains dangerous micro-organisms that wreck havoc on your digestive system, not to mention that it spoils far quicker than standard grocery store milk. For a while, most states banned the production of raw milk for this very reason: there was basically no point to it, since we'd already perfected the craft of producing safe, healthy milk.
Not so fast, said West Virginia lawmakers, who viewed the prohibition on raw milk as a dangerous government intrusion into the private sector. When they passed a bill that successfully lifted the prohibition on raw milk production, they all chugged a glass of it in celebration. Almost immediately, the lawmakers reported having severe stomach pains and pounding headaches. Oops.
Amazingly, the lawmakers deny any connection to their stomach bugs and the milk, saying "I highly doubt the raw milk had anything to do with it," and, "there still shouldn't be a law against allowing people to do what they want."
Right. Because there's overwhelming demand to drink raw milk. And because everyone who drank the raw milk mysteriously got the exact same illness at the exact same time. Totally a coincidence.Let's just hope these bozos legalize sticking a fork into an outlet next.
"Prophet" Tries to Bless Lions, Gets Butt Ripped Off by Lions
For some inexplicable reason, a self-styled "Christian prophet" at the Krueger National Park in South Africa suddenly became "overcome" with the spiritual imperative to leave his safari vehicle to enter the lion habitat - WHILE THE LIONS WERE EATING A CARCASS - and attempt to "control" them by entering a trance and speaking in tongues.
The lions didn't take too well to having their meal interrupted by a random dude sputtering gibberish, so they did what lions do best and chased him. Immediately realizing his grave error, the "prophet" immediately started to run away, but the lions got the better of him, tackling him to the ground and ripping apart his butt cheeks with their teeth. Really.
The lions only left after a safari security guard fired off warning shots, which scared them away. After undergoing immediate emergency surgery, the victim stated "I do not know what came over me."Yeah, no kidding.
Gun Rights Advocate for Kids Gets Shot by Her Four-Year-Old Son
This one you could see coming from a mile away.
Pro-gun rights social media personality Jamie Gilt, mere hours after broadcasting to her followers that her 4-year old son was "getting jacket up to target shoot," was shot in the back by her son with her own gun.
She was driving her car where she had left a loaded .45 caliber handgun in the back seat within reach of her four-year-old child. Taking after his mother, the curious kid decided to use the gun, shooting the driver's seat of the car. The bullet ripped through the seat and punctured Gilt's back, necessitating an emergency trip to the hospital.
This was a horrible accident and it's lucky that she survived. But remember that Jamie Gilt was no ordinary Second Amendment supporter: she frequently and verbally made arguments for children to own and be trained with weapons for their own safety. Might wanna rethink that one, Jamie.The truly sad part? Shooting accidents by kids cause more deaths every year in America than terrorist attacks. Yeah.
Assholes Post Their Stupid Crimes On Facebook, Are Immediately Caught
There's really no excuse for any part of this story.
Apparently some bored privately-schooled teenagers in Australia have been passing the time by ripping seats off of public transportation and throwing them into oncoming traffic, a ridiculous and dangerous act for many reasons. Think about the damage to the trains themselves, the cleanup needed to go retrieve the seats, the damage done to oncoming cars who collide head-on with the seats. . . what is the point of this?
"You hit a f*cking car, bro, that's gonna be on the news!" one of the teens says with glee in a video they filmed of the act.If you thought the story couldn't get any stupider, the teens uploaded the video to Facebook, thus providing clear evidence to the entire world of their petty, pointless crimes. The kids, after identified by the police, now face up to five years in prison. In the words of Nelson Muntz, ha-ha!