In this cruel world, it can be hard to find someone you truly love. Relationships fall apart, humans are weird, online dating has rewired brains to treat dating like a video game. But people who love animals don’t need all that noise. There’s no break up, and rarely any arguing. While people troll ex’s Facebook profile, sighing at pictures of them with their new love, those with the courage to fall for animals nurture successful relationships with mammals, reptiles, and fish who loved them back (if it's possible for snakes to love). Cuddle up next to your pet and read these heartwarming/creepy stories of human-animal marriage.
Maybe you’re thinking, “Can humans marry animals? Is that a thing now?” Short answer: Maybe. Long answer: Not sure. People are animals, technically, so there's that. The individuals on this list don’t really care law, they just want to be happy. As with human-human marriage, not all animal marriages are the same. Bottom like is, these folks love their animals, and the rest of you should be so lucky.
There should be a new verse added to "Single Ladies" that says if a man bails after he puts a ring on your finger, you should marry your dog. That's what Briton Amanda Rogers did after her first marriage proved to be a disappointment. Rogers and her pooch, Sheba, tied the knot in Croatia (destination wedding!) in 2014, at a ceremony attended by more than 200 people.
"Sheba had been in my life for years, making me laugh and comforting me when I was feeling low. I couldn’t think of anything more I’d need from a life partner," Rogers said of their union.
Teen Forced to Marry Cow After Rice Paddy Sexcapade
In 2010, Ngurah Alit, an 18-year-old Balinese man, was forced to marry a cow after he was caught having doggy style (or bovine style, in this case) sex with it in a rice paddy. The worst part is, after the two were married, the cow was drowned in the sea in order to cleanse it of its sins. Alit was symbolically drowned - his clothes were thrown in the ocean.
Milanja Broskvit, a Danish attorney and animal rights activist, found a loophole in Copenhagen's sex laws that makes zoophilia legal. So she married her horse, Thorgen, claiming animals are victims of speciesism in Denmark.
Broskvit told her country's Supreme Court: “The differences between our species does not make us inherently different. The treatment of individuals is predicated on group membership and not morally irrelevant physical differences. The argument is that species membership has no moral significance.”
No matter how lonely you are, there's someone out there who's lonelier. For instance, in 2013, 74-year-old Brazilian man Aparecido Castaldo married his pet goat, Carmelita, because "‘She doesn’t speak and doesn’t want money."
According to the bishop who performed the marriage, "This is not the first goat he has, because he likes animals. He just needs a companion. There will be no intercourse between the two."
Dutch Woman Is Set to Marry Dog After Her Cat Husband Dies
It's good to have a backup plan, whether it be with dinner reservations, or with your cat husband who's getting on in life. Dominque Lesbriel of the Netherlands was finally ready to marry again after losing her first husband, Doerack, to kidney failure. BTW Doerack was a cat and her new beau a fetching dog named Travis, whom she found at the beach after he stole her shoes. Talk about a meet cute!
In addition to marrying her own pets, Lesbriel performs online marriage ceremonies for others and their pets, through her site Marryyourpet.com. This isn't something she takes lightly.
"There are rules, as with any marriage," she explains. "The difference between a church ceremony and my online chapel is that I don't allow divorce. I don't want to let anyone abandon their pet."
Sudanese Man Forced to Marry Goat After Mounting It
In 2006, Mr. Tombe, a Sudanese man, was forced to marry a goat after he was caught fornicating with the cloven-hoofed beast. The goat's owner, Mr. Alfi, wandered upon the tryst, describing the scene thusly: "When I asked him: 'What are you doing there?', he fell off the back of the goat, so I captured and tied him up."
Town elders instructed Mr. Alfi not to go to the police. "They said I should not take him to the police, but rather let him pay a dowry for my goat because he used it as his wife." The dowry came to 15,000 dinars, equivalent to about $50 at the time.
