Animals
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People Who Had More-Than-Platonic Relationships with Animals

Updated June 14, 2019 34.1k views15 items

In this cruel world, it can be hard to find someone you truly love. Relationships fall apart, humans are weird, online dating has rewired brains to treat dating like a video game. But people who love animals don’t need all that noise. There’s no break up, and rarely any arguing. While people troll ex’s Facebook profile, sighing at pictures of them with their new love, those with the courage to fall for animals nurture successful relationships with mammals, reptiles, and fish who loved them back (if it's possible for snakes to love). Cuddle up next to your pet and read these heartwarming/creepy stories of human-animal marriage.

Maybe you’re thinking, “Can humans marry animals? Is that a thing now?” Short answer: Maybe. Long answer: Not sure. People are animals, technically, so there's that. The individuals on this list don’t really care law, they just want to be happy. As with human-human marriage, not all animal marriages are the same. Bottom like is, these folks love their animals, and the rest of you should be so lucky.
  • Dutch Woman Is Set to Marry Dog After Her Cat Husband Dies

    It's good to have a backup plan, whether it be with dinner reservations, or with your cat husband who's getting on in life. Dominque Lesbriel of the Netherlands was finally ready to marry again after losing her first husband, Doerack, to kidney failure. BTW Doerack was a cat and her new beau a fetching dog named Travis, whom she found at the beach after he stole her shoes. Talk about a meet cute!

    In addition to marrying her own pets, Lesbriel performs online marriage ceremonies for others and their pets, through her site Marryyourpet.com. This isn't something she takes lightly. 

    "There are rules, as with any marriage," she explains. "The difference between a church ceremony and my online chapel is that I don't allow divorce. I don't want to let anyone abandon their pet."
  • Sudanese Man Forced to Marry Goat After Mounting It

    In 2006, Mr. Tombe, a Sudanese man, was forced to marry a goat after he was caught fornicating with the cloven-hoofed beast. The goat's owner, Mr. Alfi, wandered upon the tryst, describing the scene thusly: "When I asked him: 'What are you doing there?', he fell off the back of the goat, so I captured and tied him up."

    Town elders instructed Mr. Alfi not to go to the police. "They said I should not take him to the police, but rather let him pay a dowry for my goat because he used it as his wife." The dowry came to 15,000 dinars, equivalent to about $50 at the time. 
  • Man Finds His Fish in the Sea

    Despite what Radiohead says, meeting people is not easy. Hence why, in the spring of 2016, Moses Otieno decided to get hitched to a tilapia. Otieno, a resident of the port city Kisumu, Kenya, certainly has access to fish - he lives on the shores of Lake Victoria, the largest tropical lake in the world. He married the fish out of frustration, unable to find a human woman who would love him. 
  • Man Tries to Marry Cobra, Things Escalate Quickly

    In 2015, Indian man Sandeep Patel became convinced that a cobra was the reincarnation of a beautiful woman who had fallen love with him. He also believed he could turn into a snake after putting himself into a deep trance. Patel decided to marry the cobra, and people from all over India arrived in his remote village in the northeastern part of the country. Close to 15,000 spectators attended the Easter Saturday ceremony, and a riot almost broke out because police busted up the church and arrested Patel for breaching the peace. Also, the snake never showed up.