First off, let's be honest, from a female perspective (if you're into guys who look like Blanka from Street Fighter) Troy Polamalu is a great looking dude: Troy Polamalu, with his gorgeous locks that cascade down his well-chiseled body and bounce seductively around the number on his jersey, is fine as hell. That's simply the truth of the matter... If you're into guys who look like they're the seemingly-impossible battles Jean-Claude Van Damme can't possibly beat but ends up doing so anyway at the last moment against all odds.
Anyway, there's this guy who looks like Troy Polamalu. And women probably go nuts over him. But this guy has become a John Mayer level douchebag (and hero to many a male throughout the world b/c c'mon, this is ballsy) by putting out an ad for him to "bang your wife" for Superbowl tickets.
Okay. This is a double doozy, which is why it gets first billing.
There's an arguably attractive man that decided to sell his body for Superbowl tickets on one hand. And think about how insanely ballsy this is – the specifications go "WIFE," not girlfriend. SO if things go horribly, then a marriage is being ruined for the sake of giving up tickets to the big game, not a random relationship, a MARRIAGE.
On the other hand, we have the worst husband in the world. The wife REALLY has to be in on it (or severely unhappy anyway) in order for this to work out for anyone.
So the worst part is that not only are two bodies being sold here, but one is being sold by someone that doesn't "own" one of them. Selling your life mate up the river for Superbowl tickets? Jesus.
Also, this guy is willing to pretty much be your slave for these things, which means stuff's going to be missing from your house whenever he comes over.
ALSO, may I point out that someone as dumb as this guy probably isn't well-versed in protection, and well, when he's in there banging your wife, she's going to get chlamydia, AIDS, syphilis, 12 yeast infections (that's right, 12; it's science, look it up), gonorrhea, and then she is going to die.
The specimen in question posted the ad pictured below, and to add insult to injury, threw in "bang your wife" with other items like "fix your pipes," and "clean your house for a year."
These, of course, are euphemisms.
He's willing to do a bunch of other stuff in there that's a lot more reasonable and makes a lot more sense, but nobody in their right mind would give up their wife, as well as probably two days worth of housework for $2000. When does anyone give housekeepers $1,000 a day?
What an idiot... and a legend.
Here is the actual text of the ad:
I have a problem. I NEED to go to the Superbowl but I can't afford the $2000 ticket. What do I have to offer otherwise? Myself.
-I can fix your pipes.
-Shovel your snow for a year.
-Repair your computer.
-Drive your kids around.
-Entertain you by performing a stupid dare.
-Bang your wife.
-Clean your house for a year
YOU NAME IT I CAN DO IT (I won't cut my hair or kill anyone). I just need you to give me your Superbowl ticket.
Email me with your offer and you can have your very own Troy Polamalu look alike!