It's said that the best revenge is living well, and that's probably true. When someone shows the worst of themselves, a mature person takes the high ground and turns the other cheek. But darn if payback doesn't feel so much better, and those sharing their stories below got to experience exactly that kind of satisfaction.
In the face of sloppy, rude, or otherwise generally unpleasant roommates, these people hatched revenge plots that are just the right amount of evil. Vote up the most poetic instances of petty justice, vote down the plans you think went too far, and if you've ever had to deal with bad roommates in the past, maybe these stories will comfort you with the fact that someone out there is getting a taste of their own medicine.
Bad Hair Day
Posted by u/tubernonster:
My senior year of college, I lived in a four-bedroom on-campus apartment with campus-assigned roommates. The other three girls were all friends, and I just was randomly assigned to fill the fourth spot. They decided to basically make my life hell so I would move out and they could use the extra space. They were horrible human beings, ridiculously cruel...
Any food I put in the shared fridge got thrown out, even things that were there less than a day... My silverware, which had been in the shared kitchen, got dumped in the toilet. They kept taping room change request forms on my door. If I took them off, new ones appeared. They would randomly just pound on my bedroom door in the middle of the night/wee hours to mess with my sleep... trashed my room... and so many more fun memories from the five weeks I lived there.
I had reached that point people get to in horror movies where they abandon their sh*t and just leave. I left a bunch of my stuff there and moved in with my boyfriend before we were really ready for that.
So, my revenge? I put Nair in their shampoo. All three roommates. They all showered before they realized what was happening. They all had sad, pathetic, patchy hair on top of being mostly bald. I saw them on campus once or twice after. (It was my student teaching semester, so I was off-campus a lot.) I was so happy, it was almost sick.
You can't even fathom how much they deserved it.3,08762Best served cold?
Bleach Tye Dye
Posted by a former Redditor:
Some former roommates were helping themselves to my laundry detergent. I offered to share if they'd agree to split the purchase every month or so. They declined and promised to stop using it. Weeks pass. I had two bottles, one which I thought to be full and another which was half-full. The not-so-crafty thieves started using detergent out of the more full bottle. I noticed this while doing my last load of laundry at the house.
While shopping later that day, I noticed scentless bleach on sale. I topped off the half-full bottle with the bleach, signed the bottle with a heart, and left it behind for them to use. It was Woolite "for dark clothes" detergent, too.
Got a few angry texts to which I replied, "lol, I don't know what you're talking about." Apparently "I" ruined some expensive clothing. Whoops!2,36534Best served cold?
Got The Blues
Posted by u/aritchie1977:
I bought a pound of chocolate raisins, and the next day, I couldn’t find them anywhere. My roomie says, “Oh, yeah. I ate them. Sorry. They’re really good.” I’m like, "I know, that’s why I bought them." So I get another pound, and two days later, I can’t find my chocolate raisins. She ATE them AGAIN!
I’m a biology student and work for a biochemist professor, so I tell him my woes, and he gives me a chemical compound that is odorless, colorless, totally undetectable and just colors urine blue.
Cue the revenge. I buy a third pound of chocolate raisins and spike them. She eats them, and I straight go into panic mode. “Oh, no, roommate! Those were for my experiment on mice! If you start having weird pee, go to the doctor immediately!”
I don’t tell her it was a prank until AFTER the doctor's visit, then I sit back and enjoy my chocolate raisins in peace forever after.2,15035Best served cold?
Have A Nice Trip
Posted by u/GreenMonkeyM
I had a really crappy roommate one time - absolutely no respect for boundaries. Ate all my food, left the house trashed, etc. One of his favorite activities was to pick my lock when I wasn't home and smoke my pot. Every. Damn. Day.
So one day, I was cleaning before work and found some concentrated Salvia extract from my brief foray into ethnobotanicals. Salvia is a powerful and quick-acting (legal) plant which induces full-blown visual and auditory hallucinations for about 15 minutes when smoked. It's not exactly unpleasant, but I wouldn't call it fun, either. Naturally, I pack my bong full of the stuff and leave it in my locked room.
Come home from work; the bong has been smoked. My roommate spends the rest of the night dropping hints to me, trying to figure out WTF he smoked without coming out and admitting that he broke into my room and stole from me. I never said anything, and he never touched my stuff again.1,80130Best served cold?