Culture
2.3k voters

The Best Pirate Jokes

Updated November 6, 2017 6.7k votes 2.3k voters 44.0k views22 items

List RulesVote up any silly pirate joke that makes you go "har harrr haaarrghhh"

Avast ye scurvy currs and walk the plank! But not before ye be readin’ this list of the funny pirate jokes from the across the seven seas of the Internet. The pirate jokes on this list are fun for the most dreaded of pirates and lily livered land lubbers alike (try saying that three times fast), so don’t ye worry if you’ve never set foot on a boat (or if you’ve only been on a schooner), you’ll be laughin’ all the way to Davy Jones’ Locker! If ye can read, start scrolling down and vote on any silly pirate joke that makes you go "har harrr haaarrghhh!"

YO HO HO AND A BOTTLE OF FUN! Before you try out any of these jokes on the old salts you know, you’ll want to batten down the hatches because the laughter from your buccaneer buddies will start a typhoon that’ll scuttle your ship down to the briny deep. If ye be ready for some hilarious pirate jokes, weigh anchor and hoist the mizzen, then let’s get three sheets to the wind on laughter. Enjoy these pirate jokes, because if there isnt' any laughter from up in the crow’s nest about these hilarious pirate jokes there'll be a hangin' from the yard arm.
Photo:
...more
  • 1
    338
    217

    What Kind Of Grades Did The Pirate Get In School?

    HIGH SEAS!
  • 2
    375
    251

    What Is Captain Hook's Favorite Store?

    The second hand store.
  • 3
    292
    188

    Why Does It Take Pirates So Long To Learn The Alphabet?

    Because they can spend years at C.
     
  • 4
    383
    277

    What's A Horny Pirate's Worst Nightmare?

    A sunken chest with no booty!
  • 5
    258
    181

    Why Is Pirating Addictive?

    They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!
  • 6
    205
    151

    What Do Pirates And Pimps Have In Common?

    They both say "YO HO!" and walk with a limp!
  • 7
    183
    138

    How Do Pirates Know They're Pirates?

    They think, therefore they AAAARRRRRRR!!!!!
  • 8
    118
    84

    Why Do Pirates Always Fail When They're Saying Their Alphabet?

    Because they insist there are 7 Seas!
  • 9
    279
    242

    What Did The Pirate Say When His Wooden Leg Got Stuck In The Freezer?

    Shiver me timbers!
  • 10
    145
    126

    What Do Pirates Use Telephones For?

    Booty calls!
  • 11
    110
    93

    What's The Difference Between a Hungry Pirate And A Drunk Pirate?

    One's a rumbling tummy, and the other's a tumbling rummy!
  • 12
    103
    98

    What Are The 10 Letters In The Pirate Alphabet?

    I, I, R, and the 7 Cs.
  • 13
    93
    90

    What Has 8 Eyes, 8 Arms, & 8 Legs

    Four rookie pirates!
  • 14
    105
    107

    Why Don't Pirates Go To Strip Clubs?

    They already have all the booty!
  • 15
    88
    108

    Why Did The Pirate Have Red Eyes?

    Because he had too much sea-weed!
  • 16
    81
    102

    What's A Pirate's Favorite Kind Of Fish?

    A GOLDfish
  • 17
    80
    101

    How Does A Pirate Feel About His Wife?

    Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's wife for me!
  • 18
    68
    97

    Why Did The Pirate Give Up Golf?

    He kept hooking the ball!
  • 19
    59
    95

    What's The Next Pirate Internet Sensation?

    Planking!
  • 20
    74
    135

    Why Was The Pirate Shivering His Timbers?

    PARRRkinson's!
  • 21
    55
    111

    How Does A Pirate Clean His House?

    He has a yAAAAARRRRRd sale!
  • 22
    37
    147

    What's A Pirate's Favorite Song?

    Gang-Plank Style!