Culture

The Best Pirate Jokes

List Rules
Vote up any silly pirate joke that makes you go "har harrr haaarrghhh"

Avast ye scurvy currs and walk the plank! But not before ye be readin’ this list of the funny pirate jokes from the across the seven seas of the Internet. The pirate jokes on this list are fun for the most dreaded of pirates and lily livered land lubbers alike (try saying that three times fast), so don’t ye worry if you’ve never set foot on a boat (or if you’ve only been on a schooner), you’ll be laughin’ all the way to Davy Jones’ Locker! If ye can read, start scrolling down and vote on any silly pirate joke that makes you go "har harrr haaarrghhh!"

YO HO HO AND A BOTTLE OF FUN! Before you try out any of these jokes on the old salts you know, you’ll want to batten down the hatches because the laughter from your buccaneer buddies will start a typhoon that’ll scuttle your ship down to the briny deep. If ye be ready for some hilarious pirate jokes, weigh anchor and hoist the mizzen, then let’s get three sheets to the wind on laughter. Enjoy these pirate jokes, because if there isnt' any laughter from up in the crow’s nest about these hilarious pirate jokes there'll be a hangin' from the yard arm.
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list ordered by
  • What Is Captain Hook's Favorite Store?
    1

    What Is Captain Hook's Favorite Store?

    The second hand store.
  • What Kind Of Grades Did The Pirate Get In School?
    2

    What Kind Of Grades Did The Pirate Get In School?

    HIGH SEAS!
  • Why Does It Take Pirates So Long To Learn The Alphabet?
    3

    Why Does It Take Pirates So Long To Learn The Alphabet?

    Because they can spend years at C.
     
  • Why Is Pirating Addictive?
    4

    Why Is Pirating Addictive?

    They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!
  • What's A Horny Pirate's Worst Nightmare?
    5

    What's A Horny Pirate's Worst Nightmare?

    A sunken chest with no booty!
  • How Do Pirates Know They're Pirates?
    6

    How Do Pirates Know They're Pirates?

    They think, therefore they AAAARRRRRRR!!!!!
  • Why Do Pirates Always Fail When They're Saying Their Alphabet?
    7

    Why Do Pirates Always Fail When They're Saying Their Alphabet?

    Because they insist there are 7 Seas!
  • What Do Pirates And Pimps Have In Common?
    8

    What Do Pirates And Pimps Have In Common?

    They both say "YO HO!" and walk with a limp!
  • What Did The Pirate Say When His Wooden Leg Got Stuck In The Freezer?
    9

    What Did The Pirate Say When His Wooden Leg Got Stuck In The Freezer?

    Shiver me timbers!
  • What Do Pirates Use Telephones For?
    10

    What Do Pirates Use Telephones For?

    Booty calls!
  • What's The Difference Between a Hungry Pirate And A Drunk Pirate?
    11

    What's The Difference Between a Hungry Pirate And A Drunk Pirate?

    One's a rumbling tummy, and the other's a tumbling rummy!
  • What Are The 10 Letters In The Pirate Alphabet?
    12

    What Are The 10 Letters In The Pirate Alphabet?

    I, I, R, and the 7 Cs.
  • Why Don't Pirates Go To Strip Clubs?
    13

    Why Don't Pirates Go To Strip Clubs?

    They already have all the booty!
  • What Has 8 Eyes, 8 Arms, & 8 Legs
    14

    What Has 8 Eyes, 8 Arms, & 8 Legs

    Four rookie pirates!
  • Why Did The Pirate Have Red Eyes?
    15

    Why Did The Pirate Have Red Eyes?

    Because he had too much sea-weed!
  • How Does A Pirate Feel About His Wife?
    16

    How Does A Pirate Feel About His Wife?

    Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's wife for me!
  • What's A Pirate's Favorite Kind Of Fish?
    17

    What's A Pirate's Favorite Kind Of Fish?

    A GOLDfish
  • Why Did The Pirate Give Up Golf?
    18

    Why Did The Pirate Give Up Golf?

    He kept hooking the ball!
  • What's The Next Pirate Internet Sensation?
    19

    What's The Next Pirate Internet Sensation?

    Planking!
  • How Does A Pirate Clean His House?
    20

    How Does A Pirate Clean His House?

    He has a yAAAAARRRRRd sale!
  • Why Was The Pirate Shivering His Timbers?
    21

    Why Was The Pirate Shivering His Timbers?

    PARRRkinson's!
  • What's A Pirate's Favorite Song?
    22

    What's A Pirate's Favorite Song?

    Gang-Plank Style!