15 Parents Share Questions You Should Ask Your Partner Before Having Children

List Rules
Parents: vote up the questions you think all would-be-parents need to ask each other.

There are a lot of questions to ask before you get married, but there's just as many to ask before you have children. If you're wondering what to consider before having kids, then keep reading. These Redditors are sharing what to ask your partner before starting a family.


  • 1
    4 VOTES

    "Can We Actually Afford This?"

    From Redditor u/waspocracy:

    Whether or not you really want one, and can afford it. Daycare is $20,000 per year where I live.

    4 votes
  • 2
    3 VOTES

    "Have We Had Enough Quality Time Together?"

    From Redditor u/bwvdub:

    I’d ask if you have had enough pre kids' grownup time together. You’ll never have enough time, money, or flexibility to plan for kids. But if you’ve built up a solid history together of shared experience, fun, compassion, brokenness, and family ridiculousness, you can genuinely enjoy parenthood.

    3 votes
  • 3
    3 VOTES

    "How Involved Do We Want Our Extended Family To Be?"

    From Redditor u/TheBurningQuill:

    How involved do you want grandparents/extended family? Who gets custody if we both pass? Do we christen?

    3 votes
  • 4
    3 VOTES

    "Are We Stable Enough To Handle This?"

    From Redditor u/MacsMomma:

    A big one for me is: Are you prepared for the reality that you may have a child with disabilities?

    I really had to wrap my head around the many, many risks of having a baby, including having a special needs child. Is one of you willing to set back your career or stop working full-time to care for kids, or will you be paying for full-time childcare? I stay home and work from home now, but I definitely had to reset my vision for my career and it’s been a sacrifice and a difficult balance. Do you have enough money for emergency situations and/or do you have good medical insurance? Our kid had an infection and a two-day hospital stay that cost 13,000 when he was an infant. I’m not saying that you have to be rich to have kids, but financially stable and employed is pretty up there in parenting importance. Is your partner a caring and considerate person now? If you have issues with your relationship you’re not facing, a kid won’t improve it. Dig deep and be honest about each other’s flaws. Is your partner going to be a good partner to co-parent with? So many people on all the parenting subs complain of lazy partners who don’t pull their weight. You don’t want to be in this situation, especially if you saw some red flags you ignored and jumped on the baby train anyway. It is hard to be a single parent. It’s perhaps harder to be a single parent because your significant other is sleeping in (because they went out with their buddies last night) while the kids yank your hair out and up the living room like a pack of hyenas.

    3 votes
  • 5
    3 VOTES

    "Are We Ready For Our Intimacy To Take A Serious Turn?"

    From a former Redditor

    Are you ready for the relationship to take a serious turn? Babies are hard work, and you will have to work even harder to keep the relationship strong due to that. Because it’s pretty much guaranteed those first few years, especially if she has complications during the birth. Are you prepared for her body changes? (Stretch marks, weight gain, what have you.) You’d think these things are a given but I’ve seen many a man complain that his wife didn’t want to be intimate with him 3x a week while a newborn was requiring feeding every 2 hours. A child is a wild card, anything can happen, your relationship should ideally be very strong and involve two individuals who are both committed to weathering any storm that comes.

    3 votes
  • 6
    6 VOTES

    "How Much Should We Save For Our Child?"

    From Redditor u/TheBurningQuill:

    How much do we save for them? How often?

    How many do we want to have? What age gap do we want between them?

    Is my career stable enough to provide for them for twenty years?

    Can we cope with five years of no sleep and unbearable pressure?

    Is it worth it?

    6 votes