Weird History
1.2k voters

Let's Bring Back These Hilarious Sex Insults Used Throughout History

Updated July 2, 2019 7.5k votes 1.2k voters 46.4k views17 items

List RulesVote up the historical sex insults that you'd most have to fight a feller over.

Of all the old-fashioned ways to insult someone, insults aimed at someone's performance in the bedroom have long been the best for causing a fight as quickly as possible. Throughout history, people have come up with hundreds of creative ways to sling insults at each other. While masters of words like William Shakespeare came up with extremely witty and cutting insults ("embossed carbuncle in my... blood," for example), there were put downs for the rest of us common folk, too.

Simple yet devastating words have been used for centuries all around the world. From Vikings to pirates, Victorian aristocrats to more recent Australian pioneers, nobody was safe. Some Medieval insults have even been documented for their zesty takedown status. The most significant thing to note is that historical insults reflect heavily on the values of the particular time and place in which they would have been used. The Victorians, for example, placed a high value on a woman's purity, hence all the words for "loose women" that sprang out of that period. 

These short and sweet insults might not make us blush nowadays, but, used properly, they can still make a heated argument much hotter. 

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  • Slag – An Old English Word For The Worst Kind Of Loose Woman1
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    Slag – An Old English Word For The Worst Kind Of Loose Woman

    On the opposite end of the spectrum from high-class call girls.

  • Strumpet – Coined By Shakespeare & Used By Pirates, A Very 'Active' Woman Or Prostitute2
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    Strumpet – Coined By Shakespeare & Used By Pirates, A Very 'Active' Woman Or Prostitute

    Always swipes right on Tinder.

  • Mewling Quim – 19th-Century British Zinger, Similar To Calling Someone A P*ssy3
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    Mewling Quim – 19th-Century British Zinger, Similar To Calling Someone A P*ssy

    Literally meant a whimpering vagina.

  • Hedge-Creeper – 1800s Phrase For A Prostitute Who Worked The Countryside4
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    Hedge-Creeper – 1800s Phrase For A Prostitute Who Worked The Countryside

    These may have gone extinct.

  • Dollymop – Victorian Term For A Part-Time Or Amateur Prostitute5
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    Dollymop – Victorian Term For A Part-Time Or Amateur Prostitute

    She works as a stripper at night to pay for college.

  • Flapdoodle – 1800s Term For Someone Who Is Either Too Young Or Too Old For Getting It On6
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    Flapdoodle – 1800s Term For Someone Who Is Either Too Young Or Too Old For Getting It On

    Think Hugh Hefner. 

  • Bedswerver – Shakespeare's Way Of Calling Someone An Adulterer7
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    Bedswerver – Shakespeare's Way Of Calling Someone An Adulterer

    He's the town pony – everyone gets a ride.

  • Dirty Puzzle – Victorian For Really Nasty Prostitute8
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    Dirty Puzzle – Victorian For Really Nasty Prostitute

    An extra-nasty corner hoe.

  • Wagtail – In The 1800s, A Woman Who Was Either Promiscuous Or A Prostitute9
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    Wagtail – In The 1800s, A Woman Who Was Either Promiscuous Or A Prostitute

    She's pretty thirsty.

  • Camp As A Row Of Tents – Australian For 'Extremely Gay' From The Early 1900s10
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    Camp As A Row Of Tents – Australian For 'Extremely Gay' From The Early 1900s

    Someone who very much prefers penises. 

  • Dark Cully – Victorian Term For A Man Who Only Visits His Mistress At Night11
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    Dark Cully – Victorian Term For A Man Who Only Visits His Mistress At Night

    That two-timing bastard only goes to see her at night anyway.

  • Mollisher – In Victorian England, The Lover Of A Villain Or Gangster12
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    Mollisher – In Victorian England, The Lover Of A Villain Or Gangster

    A ride-or-die chick.

  • Doxy – The Wife Or Lover Of An Outlaw In Medieval England13
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    Doxy – The Wife Or Lover Of An Outlaw In Medieval England

    She usually goes for the guy with the prison tats. 

  • Wandought – Old English For Impotent14
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    Wandought – Old English For Impotent

    He just can't get it up. 

  • Puterelle – In Old French, A Woman With A Naughty Reputation15
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    Puterelle – In Old French, A Woman With A Naughty Reputation

    Girl gets around.

  • Yaldson – Old English For Son Of A Prostitute16
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    Yaldson – Old English For Son Of A Prostitute

    Yeah, he doesn't want to talk about his mom's job.

  • Sansordinn – Viking Burn For Implying Another Man Was Raped17
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    Sansordinn – Viking Burn For Implying Another Man Was Raped

    Similar to 14 year olds in a locker room.