Weird History
1.2k voters

Let's Bring Back These Hilarious Sex Insults Used Throughout History

Updated July 2, 2019 6.9k votes 1.2k voters 47.2k views17 items

List RulesVote up the historical sex insults that you'd most have to fight a feller over.

Of all the old-fashioned ways to insult someone, insults aimed at someone's performance in the bedroom have long been the best for causing a fight as quickly as possible. Throughout history, people have come up with hundreds of creative ways to sling insults at each other. While masters of words like William Shakespeare came up with extremely witty and cutting insults ("embossed carbuncle in my... blood," for example), there were put downs for the rest of us common folk, too.

Simple yet devastating words have been used for centuries all around the world. From Vikings to pirates, Victorian aristocrats to more recent Australian pioneers, nobody was safe. Some Medieval insults have even been documented for their zesty takedown status. The most significant thing to note is that historical insults reflect heavily on the values of the particular time and place in which they would have been used. The Victorians, for example, placed a high value on a woman's purity, hence all the words for "loose women" that sprang out of that period. 

These short and sweet insults might not make us blush nowadays, but, used properly, they can still make a heated argument much hotter. 

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  • 1

    Slag – An Old English Word For The Worst Kind Of Loose Woman

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    On the opposite end of the spectrum from high-class call girls.

  • 2

    Strumpet – Coined By Shakespeare & Used By Pirates, A Very 'Active' Woman Or Prostitute

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    Always swipes right on Tinder.

  • 3

    Flapdoodle – 1800s Term For Someone Who Is Either Too Young Or Too Old For Getting It On

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    Think Hugh Hefner. 

  • 4

    Bedswerver – Shakespeare's Way Of Calling Someone An Adulterer

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    He's the town pony – everyone gets a ride.

  • 5

    Dirty Puzzle – Victorian For Really Nasty Prostitute

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    An extra-nasty corner hoe.

  • 6

    Yaldson – Old English For Son Of A Prostitute

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    Yeah, he doesn't want to talk about his mom's job.

  • 7

    Wagtail – In The 1800s, A Woman Who Was Either Promiscuous Or A Prostitute

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    She's pretty thirsty.

  • 8

    Camp As A Row Of Tents – Australian For 'Extremely Gay' From The Early 1900s

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    Someone who very much prefers penises. 

  • 9

    Mewling Quim – 19th-Century British Zinger, Similar To Calling Someone A P*ssy

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    Literally meant a whimpering vagina.

  • 10

    Hedge-Creeper – 1800s Phrase For A Prostitute Who Worked The Countryside

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    These may have gone extinct.

  • 11

    Dark Cully – Victorian Term For A Man Who Only Visits His Mistress At Night

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    That two-timing bastard only goes to see her at night anyway.

  • 12

    Mollisher – In Victorian England, The Lover Of A Villain Or Gangster

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    A ride-or-die chick.

  • 13

    Doxy – The Wife Or Lover Of An Outlaw In Medieval England

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    She usually goes for the guy with the prison tats. 

  • 14

    Dollymop – Victorian Term For A Part-Time Or Amateur Prostitute

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    She works as a stripper at night to pay for college.

  • 15

    Wandought – Old English For Impotent

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    He just can't get it up. 

  • 16

    Puterelle – In Old French, A Woman With A Naughty Reputation

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    Girl gets around.

  • 17

    Sansordinn – Viking Burn For Implying Another Man Was Raped

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    Similar to 14 year olds in a locker room.