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What Courting In Regency England Was Actually Like

January 12, 2021 31.7k views12 items
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Courtship during the Regency period was serious business. Finding a partner involved a series of practical and romantic considerations as well as a strict adherence to Regency courting etiquette.

The Regency era - which technically lasted in Great Britain from 1811 to 1820, but was part of the larger social and cultural era of the late 18th and early 19th centuries - might have had a reputation for licentiousness when it came to matters of the heart. But it also was an era of politeness and gentility, and rules governed how middle- and upper-class couples should interact with one another. 

As the novels of Jane Austen, period dramas on television, and contemporary Regency romances like Julia Quinn's Bridgerton series make clear, Regency era social customs and Regency courting etiquette left little room for error - the stakes were high, especially in a period when women were expected to abide by different moral codes than men. Courting the right or wrong person could make or break fortunes and reputations. Marriage proposals didn't end the rules, however, and Regency engagement etiquette continued to dictate how future spouses could behave.

Regency courtship may have been rule-bound, but for many, the end result was worth the effort: finding a well-matched spouse who provided stability, support, and even a little bit of love.

  • Photo: British Library / Wikimedia Commons / Public domain

    The 'Marriage Mart' Season Was A Very Real Thing

    For fashionable ladies and gentlemen of the Regency, the best time to begin a courtship was during the so-called "Season," when the most important people in the land came to London for court and Parliament. As a "Marriage Mart," the Season allowed the sons and daughters of privileged classes to mingle during a seemingly endless parade of assemblies, dinners, parties, and entertainments. 

    The Season served a practical purpose: to ensure that members of the upper classes met the right people and found the right mates to keep dynastic money and power in the right hands. Indeed, many of the events that animated the Season were exclusive in nature, and none more so than the balls held at Almack's assembly rooms.

    As Regency memoirist Rees Howell Gronow recalled, "Many diplomatic arts, much finesse, and a host of intrigues, were set in motion to get an invitation to Almack's."

  • Photo: Pride & Prejudice / Focus Features

    Cousins Could Court Each Other

    Regency ladies and gentlemen were bombarded with advice about who would be a suitable person to court and marry. Suitability wasn't just about class or temperament - it was also about family ties. Consequently, in-laws were off limits. A widow, for example, couldn't marry her brother-in-law after her husband's passing.

    One relative was deemed acceptable, however: cousins. Marriage between cousins checked a lot of boxes. A cousin likely grew up with a similar worldview, and the family background wouldn't contain any surprises. Marriage between cousins in the aristocracy ensured that generational wealth stayed in the family.

    Winston Churchill's Regency-era great-grandparents - the 6th Duke and Duchess of Marlborough - were first cousins before they married in 1819.

  • Photo: Various / Wikimedia Commons / Public domain

    The Age Of Consent Was 12 For Girls And 14 For Boys

    The age of consent in the Regency period was young: Brides could theoretically be as young as 12 when they tied the knot, and bridegrooms could be 14 years old.

    Teen couples needed their parents' permission to marry. Only when a Regency person reached the age of 21 could they make their own decision to marry, as stipulated in Lord Hardwicke's Marriage Act from 1753. If a young couple in England failed to secure permission to marry, elopement was an option - they could always high-tail it to Scotland, which didn't have the same marriage laws as England. 

    Those ages do not necessarily represent the average age when most people married in the late 18th and early 19th centuries. Most Regency-era brides and bridegrooms - especially non-elite ones - were in their 20s when they tied the knot. 

  • Photo: Emma / BBC One

    Only Engaged Couples Could Be On A First-Name Basis

    In the stratified world of the Regency, social hierarchies were reinforced through the use of formal titles and last names. To refer to someone by their first name was an intimate privilege reserved for family members or the closest of friends. 

    Courting couples would continue to refer to one another through their correct, formal forms of address - for example, Mr. Darcy, Miss Woodhouse, or Lord Bridgerton. When couples became officially engaged, they could refer to one another by their first names when out of the public eye.