comedy Safety Not Guaranteed Movie Quotes  

Movie and TV Quotes
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'Safety Not Guaranteed' movie quotes include some of the best lines from this 2012 comedy movie starring Aubrey Plaza, Mark Duplass and Jake M. Johnson. In the film a group of Seattle magazine workers, including intern Darius (Plaza), investigate a strange classified ad. In the ad, a man asks for a time traveling companion. Here's the thing: 'Safety Not Guaranteed' is based on a true story, sort of. See a favorite 'Safety Not Guaranteed' quote? Vote for it. And, if you have a fave quote that isn't listed here, add it!

In 1997, a classified ad appeared in Backwoods Home Magazine, asking for a companion to time travel and warning that the person's safety wasn't guaranteed. Years later, the ad became an Internet meme. Now, the story comes to life in 'Safety Not Guaranteed.' In the movie, Mark Duplass plays Kenneth: the man who placed the ad. Intern Darius is told to gain his trust and find out the story behind the story. Gradually, Darius begins to warm up to Kenneth and as she's drawn into his fantasy world, she realizes that there's more to him than just a kooky magazine classified ad. 'Safety Not Guaranteed' also stars Kristen Bell, Karan Soni and Mary Lynn Rajskub.


'Safety Not Guaranteed' debuted as the 2012 Sundance Film Festival to rave reviews, and it was nominated for the prestigious Grand Jury Prize. First-time director and 'Safety Not Guaranteed' writer Derek Connolly won the Waldo Salt Screenwriting Award at the Festival.

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Be a Man


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Jeff: "Why are you sitting here? Why would you be sitting on your computer? You're a young man. You've got the whole world ahead of you. I'm asking you to be a man and try. Are you ready to have a crazy night with me because I'm ready. Say you're ready. Say you're ready!"
Arnau: "I'm ready."
Jeff: "My man, good answer. Let's do something stupid!"

Arnau is a complete introvert who's happy to live in his own little computer world, even though part of him wishes he could meet a great girl (someone just like Darius, or actually, just Darius). Jeff decides to try and bring Arnau out of his shell, starting with doing "something stupid" on a wild night out.
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The Ad


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Bridget: "Writers: Does anybody have an idea for a story?"
Jeff: "How about uh, this time travel ad? Guy writes a classified that reads: 'Wanted: Someone to go back in time with me. This is not a joke. You'll get paid after we get back. Must bring your own weapons. Safety not guaranteed. I have only done this once before.' I want to find this guy, see if maybe he believes in this stuff, I don't know I think it could be funny."
Bridget: "You want to do it?"
Jeff: "Can I get a couple of interns to help me with the research."
Darius: "I'll do it. Me. Too, please. Me."
Jeff: "Alright, give me the lesbian and the Indian and I've got a story."

Jeff's decision to dig into the back story behind Kenneth's time travel ad proves fortuitous, as does his choice of the two interns, hipster Darius and computer geek Arnau. Together, the trio will find out that things aren't always as they seem. What seems totally crazy, sometimes isn't.
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Seeking Weapons


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Darius: "Do you sell guns here?"
Kenneth: "What kind of guns?"
Darius: "I don't know. Something sexy, and affordable, with killing power."
Kenneth: "You should dry C&R Guns in Welkins. The state of Washington does not allow the sale of firearms on the business premises of a grocer."
Darius: "Hmm. What about those thingies, with the spikey ball at the end of the chain...thingies, you know, do you have those?"
Kenneth: "What exactly is the intended use? Is there a pest problem or hunting?"
Darius: "Well if your ad had been written properly I might have a better idea of what I need."
Kenneth: "My ad?"
Darius: "Yeah. It's pretty sloppy."
Kenneth: "Excuse me?"
Darius: "You heard me. I hope you worked harder on your calibrations."
Kenneth: "My calibrations are flipping pinpoint, okay?"

Darius is chosen to befriend Kenneth and join him on his time travel mission. She finds out where he works and approaches him, as he's stocking the shelves of a local grocery store.
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Stormtroopers


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Jeff: "Lasers?"
Arnau: "What kind of lasers?"
Darius: "I don't know I'm not a friggin' stormtrooper."
Jeff: "This guy's awesome. He's over there thinking he's building a friggin time machine? Arnau what are the chances he could do that with these lasers?"
Darius: "He doesn't know -- he's not a stormtroooper either."
Arnau: "Stormtroopers don't know anything about lasers of time travel. They're blue collar workers."

Jeff is absolutely certain that Kenneth is completely bonkers, but maybe there's some part of him that wants to believe that time travel is possible. And also, stormtroopers aren't into time traveling, apparently.