Total Nerd

The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter  

Tamar Altebarmakian
19.6k votes 1.8k voters 15.1k views 24 items

List Rules Vote up the comebacks that slay like a killing curse.

An abundance of funny comebacks in Harry Potter exist throughout the franchise, some as injurious as an Unforgivable Curse. In addition to his habit of sacrificing himself for the greater good, one of Harry’s most endearing qualities is his unparalleled skill as a sassmaster, a trait shared by many other characters in the Hogwarts universe. From Snape to Dudley to the Weasley twins, no wizard or muggle felt safe from savage Harry Potter comebacks. In fact, Harry Potter comeback quotes are widely prevalent in the wizarding world, with Ron, Hermione, and the brilliantly brutal Professor McGonagall delivering scorching burns even Madame Pomfrey can't soothe.

While some of these Harry Potter comeback quotes only appeared in the films, most can be found in the books, where author J.K. Rowling unleashes the full extent of her burn prowess. Thanks to her expertise, funny Harry Potter quotes shine brightly alongside the best quotes in the Harry Potter seriesTake your cues from this hilarious series, and utilize these savage Harry Potter comebacks to shut down the Dursleys in your life. There's a new troll in the dungeon, and his name is Harry Potter.

list ordered by
1
I'm Sorry, Professor, Bu... is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
I'm Sorry, Professor, But I Must Not Tell Lies.

Harry Potter

2
Mr. Moony Presents His C... is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
Mr. Moony Presents His Compliments To Professor Snape, And Begs Him To Keep His Abnormally Large Nose Out Of Other People's Business.

The Marauder's Map

3
Just Because It's Taken ... is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
Just Because It's Taken You Three Years To Notice, Ron, Doesn't Mean No One Else Has Spotted That I'm A Girl!

Hermione Granger

4
There's No Need To Call ... is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
There's No Need To Call Me 'Sir,' Professor.

Harry Potter

5
Yes, It Is Easy To See T... is listed (or ranked) 5 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
Yes, It Is Easy To See That Nearly Six Years Of Magical Education Have Not Been Wasted On You, Potter. Ghosts Are Transparent.

Severus Snape

6
He Can Move Faster Than ... is listed (or ranked) 6 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
He Can Move Faster Than Severus Snape Confronted With Shampoo.

Fred Weasley

7
Yeah, Quirrell Was A Gre... is listed (or ranked) 7 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
Yeah, Quirrell Was A Great Teacher. There Was Just That Minor Drawback Of Him Having Lord Voldemort Sticking Out Of The Back Of His Head.

Harry Potter

8
Just Because You've Got ... is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
Just Because You've Got The Emotional Range Of A Teaspoon....

Hermione Granger

9
Yeah, You Can Have A Wor... is listed (or ranked) 9 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
Yeah, You Can Have A Word. Good-bye.

Harry Potter

10
Perhaps It Would Be More... is listed (or ranked) 10 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
Perhaps It Would Be More Useful If I Were To Transfigure Mr. Potter Or Yourself Into A Pocket Watch? That Way One Of You Might Be On Time.

Minerva McGonagall

11
Pity You Can't Attach An... is listed (or ranked) 11 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
Pity You Can't Attach An Extra Arm To Yours, Malfoy. Then It Could Catch The Snitch For You.

Harry Potter

12
Wow, I Wonder What It'd ... is listed (or ranked) 12 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
Wow, I Wonder What It'd Be Like To Have A Difficult Life?

Harry Potter

13
Great, Tell Me When You'... is listed (or ranked) 13 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
Great, Tell Me When You've Defeated Voldemort For Me, Will You?

Harry Potter

14
The Poor Toilet's Never ... is listed (or ranked) 14 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
The Poor Toilet's Never Had Anything As Horrible As Your Head Down It — It Might Be Sick.

Harry potter

15
Kill Us Faster? Oh, Now ... is listed (or ranked) 15 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
Kill Us Faster? Oh, Now I Can Relax!

Ron Weasley

16
This Is Night, Diddykins... is listed (or ranked) 16 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
This Is Night, Diddykins. That’s What We Call It When It Goes All Dark Like This.

Harry Potter

17
So You've Finally Learne... is listed (or ranked) 17 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
So You've Finally Learned The Days Of The Week.

Harry Potter

18
The Best Kiss He's Ever ... is listed (or ranked) 18 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
The Best Kiss He's Ever Gotten Is From Our Auntie Murial!

Ginny Weasley

19
Yeah, But You, Unlike Me... is listed (or ranked) 19 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
Yeah, But You, Unlike Me, Are A Git, So Get Out And Leave Us Alone

Harry Potter

20
You See, I Do Not Genera... is listed (or ranked) 20 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
You See, I Do Not Generally Permit People To Talk When I Am Talking.

Minvera McGonagall

21
Did You Think We Were Go... is listed (or ranked) 21 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
Did You Think We Were Going To Be Staying In A Five-Star Hotel? Finding A Horcrux Every Other Day?

Harry Potter

22
Ah, Shut Up, Dursley, Ye... is listed (or ranked) 22 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
Ah, Shut Up, Dursley, Yeh Great Prune.

Rubeus Hagrid

23
So Why Not Have A Go? Th... is listed (or ranked) 23 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
So Why Not Have A Go? They Might Be Able To Find You A Double Cell In Azkaban For Your Loser Of A Husband!

Harry Potter

24
You Need Your Inner Eye ... is listed (or ranked) 24 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
You Need Your Inner Eye tested, If You Ask Me…

Hermione Granger