Total Nerd The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter  

Tamar Altebarmakian
17k votes 1.6k voters 12.8k views 24 items

List Rules Vote up the comebacks that slay like a killing curse.

An abundance of funny comebacks in Harry Potter exist throughout the franchise, some as injurious as an Unforgivable Curse. In addition to his habit of sacrificing himself for the greater good, one of Harry’s most endearing qualities is his unparalleled skill as a sassmaster, a trait shared by many other characters in the Hogwarts universe. From Snape to Dudley to the Weasley twins, no wizard or muggle felt safe from savage Harry Potter comebacks. In fact, Harry Potter comeback quotes are widely prevalent in the wizarding world, with Ron, Hermione, and the brilliantly brutal Professor McGonagall delivering scorching burns even Madame Pomfrey can't soothe.

While some of these Harry Potter comeback quotes only appeared in the films, most can be found in the books, where author J.K. Rowling unleashes the full extent of her burn prowess. Thanks to her expertise, funny Harry Potter quotes shine brightly alongside the best quotes in the Harry Potter seriesTake your cues from this hilarious series, and utilize these savage Harry Potter comebacks to shut down the Dursleys in your life. There's a new troll in the dungeon, and his name is Harry Potter.

list ordered by
1
948 92
I'm Sorry, Professor, But ... is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
I'm Sorry, Professor, But I Must Not Tell Lies.

Harry Potter

2
973 129
There's No Need To Call Me... is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
There's No Need To Call Me 'Sir,' Professor.

Harry Potter

3
866 108
Mr. Moony Presents His Complim... is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
Mr. Moony Presents His Compliments To Professor Snape, And Begs Him To Keep His Abnormally Large Nose Out Of Other People's Business.

The Marauder's Map

4
791 101
Just Because It's Taken Yo... is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
Just Because It's Taken You Three Years To Notice, Ron, Doesn't Mean No One Else Has Spotted That I'm A Girl!

Hermione Granger

5
806 110
Yes, It Is Easy To See That Ne... is listed (or ranked) 5 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
Yes, It Is Easy To See That Nearly Six Years Of Magical Education Have Not Been Wasted On You, Potter. Ghosts Are Transparent.

Severus Snape

6
806 112
He Can Move Faster Than Severu... is listed (or ranked) 6 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
He Can Move Faster Than Severus Snape Confronted With Shampoo.

Fred Weasley

7
742 100
Yeah, Quirrell Was A Great Tea... is listed (or ranked) 7 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
Yeah, Quirrell Was A Great Teacher. There Was Just That Minor Drawback Of Him Having Lord Voldemort Sticking Out Of The Back Of His Head.

Harry Potter

8
732 113
Just Because You've Got Th... is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
Just Because You've Got The Emotional Range Of A Teaspoon....

Hermione Granger

9
597 94
Yeah, You Can Have A Word. Goo... is listed (or ranked) 9 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
Yeah, You Can Have A Word. Good-bye.

Harry Potter

10
667 118
Perhaps It Would Be More Usefu... is listed (or ranked) 10 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
Perhaps It Would Be More Useful If I Were To Transfigure Mr. Potter Or Yourself Into A Pocket Watch? That Way One Of You Might Be On Time.

Minerva McGonagall

11
679 122
Wow, I Wonder What It'd Be... is listed (or ranked) 11 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
Wow, I Wonder What It'd Be Like To Have A Difficult Life?

Harry Potter

12
589 101
Pity You Can't Attach An E... is listed (or ranked) 12 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
Pity You Can't Attach An Extra Arm To Yours, Malfoy. Then It Could Catch The Snitch For You.

Harry Potter

13
505 87
Great, Tell Me When You've... is listed (or ranked) 13 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
Great, Tell Me When You've Defeated Voldemort For Me, Will You?

Harry Potter

14
529 95
This Is Night, Diddykins. That... is listed (or ranked) 14 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
This Is Night, Diddykins. That’s What We Call It When It Goes All Dark Like This.

Harry Potter

15
510 96
The Poor Toilet's Never Ha... is listed (or ranked) 15 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
The Poor Toilet's Never Had Anything As Horrible As Your Head Down It — It Might Be Sick.

Harry potter

16
466 87
So You've Finally Learned ... is listed (or ranked) 16 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
So You've Finally Learned The Days Of The Week.

Harry Potter

17
466 89
Kill Us Faster? Oh, Now I Can ... is listed (or ranked) 17 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
Kill Us Faster? Oh, Now I Can Relax!

Ron Weasley

18
527 114
You See, I Do Not Generally Pe... is listed (or ranked) 18 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
You See, I Do Not Generally Permit People To Talk When I Am Talking.

Minvera McGonagall

19
461 99
The Best Kiss He's Ever Gotten... is listed (or ranked) 19 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
The Best Kiss He's Ever Gotten Is From Our Auntie Murial!

Ginny Weasley

20
414 81
Yeah, But You, Unlike Me, Are ... is listed (or ranked) 20 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
Yeah, But You, Unlike Me, Are A Git, So Get Out And Leave Us Alone

Harry Potter

21
389 94
Did You Think We Were Going To... is listed (or ranked) 21 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
Did You Think We Were Going To Be Staying In A Five-Star Hotel? Finding A Horcrux Every Other Day?

Harry Potter

22
373 97
So Why Not Have A Go? They Mig... is listed (or ranked) 22 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
So Why Not Have A Go? They Might Be Able To Find You A Double Cell In Azkaban For Your Loser Of A Husband!

Harry Potter

23
397 111
Ah, Shut Up, Dursley, Yeh Grea... is listed (or ranked) 23 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
Ah, Shut Up, Dursley, Yeh Great Prune.

Rubeus Hagrid

24
357 110
You Need Your Inner Eye tested... is listed (or ranked) 24 on the list The Sassiest Comebacks From Harry Potter
You Need Your Inner Eye tested, If You Ask Me…

Hermione Granger