Weird History 15 Ridiculous Conspiracy Theories That Blame Satanists For Almost Everything  

Jacob Shelton
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Most people take history at face value. Why confront what’s really going on behind the scenes when it’s just going to make you feel worse about your life? Conspiracy theories, specifically Satanic conspiracy theories, provide a new context for many world events that feel too large to have a simple catalyst. They expose the organizations that have been controlling the world for hundreds of years, and offer a new way to look at the world.

Satanism in world history has a somewhat nebulous definition. In some instances, the historical events caused by Satanism are directly influenced by magical rituals meant to raise a deity; in other cases, history was simply affected by Satanists who were looking to shake things up in a big way.

While digging into the world of Satanism conspiracy theories, it’s a Herculean effort to separate reality from myth. Once you read about these hypotheses for major world events, you’ll never be able to see anything the same way again, and Satanic symbols may very well be everywhere you look.

The conspiracy theories collected here all contain elements of the truth, but in many of these cases, it’s impossible to know 100% of the facts, either due to the deaths of everyone involved, or simply because too much time has passed to get a straight story. As unsatisfying as that may seem, it’s fascinating to see how history can be viewed through an alternate lens where secret cabals of cultists map out a master plan for the planet while trying to raise the dark lord from his slumber.

The Discovery Of The Higgs-Boson Was A Part Of A Luciferian Ritual


The Discovery Of The Higgs-Bos... is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list 15 Ridiculous Conspiracy Theories That Blame Satanists For Almost Everything
Photo: shellac/flickr/CC-BY 2.0

Beginning in 2009, scientists at CERN (the European Organization for Nuclear Research) commenced use of the Large Hadron Collider to search for the Higgs Boson, the last unobserved fundamental particle in the Standard Model of particle physics, and the key to unlock the mechanism that gives mass to elementary particles. Or so they say. Conspiracy theorists believe that CERN is actually a Satanic cult with designs on opening an interdimensional portal to Hell. Proof can be found in the LHC's affects on weather patterns, recent earthquakes, and the space-time continuum. And if you can't be bothered to read any of that polysyllabic, egghead mumbo jumbo, there are also reports that the scientists at CERN are actually performing Satanic, human sacrifice rituals in order to increase their chances of opening a portal to another dimension so they can jumpstart the apocalypse. 

After a video of scientists at CERN performing Satanic rites made its way around the Internet, "journalists" at Huffpo "debunked" the video by saying that the footage was actually a recording of CERN employees goofing off. A spokesperson for CERN said, "CERN does not condone this kind of spoof, which breaches CERN’s professional guidelines, and is currently carrying out an internal investigation.” 


World War II is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list 15 Ridiculous Conspiracy Theories That Blame Satanists For Almost Everything
Photo: DappleRose/flickr/CC-BY-NC-ND 2.0

There are no easy explanations for something as nuanced and globe-spanning as a world war, especially a war that saw an uncountable number of atrocities committed against a single group of people. But, if you were going to try and pinpoint one group whose shoulders were broad enough to place blame upon them, it would be the Nazis. Your everyday, run-of-the-mill Nazi may have been complicit in committing horrific acts of terror on a group of people whom they saw as beneath them, but they weren't all occult goofballs trying to harness the power of Ra, just the schnitzelheads in charge. 

In 1919, Adolf Hitler joined the underground Luciferian group The Thule Society, an organization founded on the belief that the Aryans were the greatest race on the planet, and that humans of this specific bloodline originated in Atlantis. They also believed that the earth was hollow and filled with a race of giants, and that Aryans would one day travel to a planet called Aldebaran in Taurus, which is about 65 light years away.

So how does this tie into World War II? Theorists believe that while a young Hitler was digging through his family records, he discovered that his biological father was Baron Rothschild, a Jewish fellow who also happens to be a part of every new world order conspiracy that you've ever read, and that he was afraid he would be blackmailed over his bloodline. This is where the conspiracy theory gets murky(er). After The Thule Society trained Hitler to be a confident public speaker and instilled in him a desire to track down a series of Biblical items in order to rule the world, he immediately invaded Austria so he could destroy his birth records, and ended up jump-starting World War II. 

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Did you think you were going to get through this without at least one conspiracy theory about the September 11, 2001 attacks on the World Trade Center? The numerology of the September 11 attacks ties directly into a Crowleian ritual meant to invoke some kind of demon. Not only did Aleister Crowley believe that 11 was "the number of Magick in itself [and] therefore suitable to all types of operation," but he felt that the number 175 (like Flight 175 that crashed into into the 77th floor of the second tower) was the perfect number to use to invoke a deity. He said, "There are three main methods of invoking any Deity...The 'First Method' consists of devotion to that Deity... a perfect instruction exists in Liber 175. This is the book of uniting to a particular Deity by devotion."

Obviously if you're going to enact a Satanic mega- ritual, you're not going to invoke any other deity than the Devil himself, and aside from all of the numerology pointing towards this possibility, and the fact that so much planning went into the attacks that those plans became ritualistic unto themselves, the one thing that truly points towards the September 11 attacks being a ritual to call forth Satan can be seen in the hands of George W. Bush on that very morning. What book was he reading? My Pet Goat.

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The American Government Is One Big Satanic Child Sex Ring


The American Government Is One... is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list 15 Ridiculous Conspiracy Theories That Blame Satanists For Almost Everything
Photo: citron_smurf/flickr/CC-BY-NC 2.0

In almost every decade since the 1970s, there have been scandals, rumors, and accusations of a child sex ring existing within the United States government that ties into an elite Satanic cabal. Separating myth from reality in this conspiracy theory is harder than you might think. While the modern version of this story, "Pizzagate," involves Internet sleuths misconstruing phrases like "cheese pizza" as code words for sex with a minor, there were some medium-level Republican politicians who were involved in a child sex ring in the late '80s and early '90s. 

At the time, Larry E. King, the manager of the Franklin Community Federal Credit Union, was a rising star in the Republican party, and he allegedly allocated funds from the credit union in order to help fund underage sex parties with politicians, and ushered child prostitutes through the White House for midnight liaisons with high-ranking officials, and many people believe that those prostitutes were used in sacrificial rituals. The children who survived did try to bring these allegations to trial, but they all either dropped their cases or were indicted for perjury.