Graveyard Shift 8 Ridiculous Conspiracy Theories That Blame Satanists For Almost Everything  

Jacob Shelton
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Conspiracy theories, specifically Satanic conspiracy theories, provide a new context for many world events that feel too large to have a simple catalyst. They offer a new way to look at the world via scrutinizing the organizations that have been controlling the world for hundreds of years. Satanism in world history has a somewhat nebulous definition. In some instances, the historical events caused by Satanism are directly influenced by magical rituals meant to raise a deity; in other cases, history was simply affected by Satanists who were looking to alter history.

While digging into the world of Satanism conspiracy theories, separating reality from myth may be difficult. Once you read about these hypotheses for major world events, Satanic symbols may alter the way you look at history and even the present. The conspiracy theories collected here all contain elements of the truth, but in many of these cases, it's impossible to know 100% of the facts, either due to the deaths of everyone involved, or simply because too much time has passed to get a straight story.

The Discovery Of The Higgs-Boson Was A Part Of A Luciferian Ritual

The Discovery Of The Higgs-Bos... is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list 8 Ridiculous Conspiracy Theories That Blame Satanists For Almost Everything
Photo:  shellac/Flickr/CC BY 2.0

Beginning in 2009, scientists at CERN (the European Organization for Nuclear Research) commenced use of the Large Hadron Collider to search for the Higgs Boson, the last unobserved fundamental particle in the Standard Model of particle physics, and the key to unlock the mechanism that gives mass to elementary particles. Conspiracy theorists believe, however, that CERN is actually a Satanic cult with designs on opening an interdimensional portal to Hell or some other dimension.

"Proof" can be found in the LHC's effects on weather patterns, recent earthquakes, and the space-time continuum. There are also reports that the scientists at CERN are actually performing Satanic human sacrifice rituals in order to increase their chances of opening a portal to another dimension so they can jumpstart the apocalypse. 

After a video of scientists at CERN performing Satanic rites made its way around the internet, journalists at Huffpo debunked the video by saying the footage was actually a recording of CERN employees goofing off. A spokesperson for CERN maintained that "CERN does not condone this kind of spoof, which breaches CERN's professional guidelines, and is currently carrying out an internal investigation."

World War II is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list 8 Ridiculous Conspiracy Theories That Blame Satanists For Almost Everything
Photo:  Segunda Guerra Mundial/Flickr/Public Domain

There are no easy explanations for something as nuanced and globe-spanning as a world conflict. One group whose shoulders were broad enough to place blame upon WWII would be the Third Reich. As the theory goes, the Thule Society was an occultist group active in the early 20th century in Germany, which eventually morphed into the Nazi Party. The organization was founded on the belief that the Aryans were the greatest race, and that humans of this specific bloodline originated in Atlantis. They also believed the Earth was hollow and filled with a race of giants and that Aryans would one day travel to a planet called Aldebaran in Taurus, which is about 65 light years away.

Theorists believe that while a young Hitler was digging through his family records, he discovered that his biological grandfather was Baron Rothschild, a Jewish fellow who also happens to be a part of many New World Order conspiracies. Subsequently, he was afraid he would be blackmailed over his bloodline. This is where the conspiracy theory gets murkier. After The Thule Society trained Hitler to be a confident public speaker and instilled in him a desire to track down a series of biblical items in order to rule the world, he immediately invaded Austria so he could destroy his birth records and allegedly ended up jump-starting WWII. 

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The American Government Is One Large Exploitative Satanic Ring

The American Government Is One... is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list 8 Ridiculous Conspiracy Theories That Blame Satanists For Almost Everything
Photo: AnthonyTPope/Wikimedia Commons/CC BY-SA 4.0

In almost every decade since the 1970s, there have been scandals, rumors, and accusations of an exploitative ring existing within the United States government that ties into an elite Satanic cabal. While the modern version of this story, "Pizzagate," involves internet sleuths misconstruing phrases like "cheese pizza" as code words for relations with a minor, there were some medium-level Republican politicians who were involved in a scandal about exploiting children in the late '80s and early '90s. 

At the time, Larry E. King, the manager of the Franklin Community Federal Credit Union, was a rising star in the Republican party, and he allegedly allocated funds from the credit union in order to help fund underage pleasure parties with politicians. Reports claimed King ushered children through the White House for midnight liaisons with high-ranking officials.

World War I is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list 8 Ridiculous Conspiracy Theories That Blame Satanists For Almost Everything
Photo:  The National Guard/Flickr/CC BY 2.0

One theory about WWI begins in 1784, when Adam Weishaupt, a Jesuit professor of canon law, renounced Christianity and became a practicing Satanist. He organized the Illuminati and they began working on a long con to destroy all religions and bring about the end of the world. It took about 100 years, but after the 1840 dissolution of the "Auxiliary Indian Troops" for committing acts of atrocity, General Albert Pike found himself in the tutelage of the Illuminati and decided that a one-world government was ideal. After becoming a Luciferian priest, he decided to get to work on "ending the world." 

It took almost 20 years, but beginning in 1859, Pike wrote out a blueprint for three world conflicts which were meant to act as super rituals to bring about the apocalypse and call Satan to Earth. He settled into his home in Arkansas and wrote that WWI would be fought in order to help the Illuminati to overthrow the Tzars of Russia and make the country fall in line with atheistic-communism. Afterward, communism could be built up and used to weaken religion with communists' general lack of faith. Pike's overall hopes for what would happen after the three world battles were as follows:

Citizens, obliged to defend themselves against the world minority of revolutionaries, will exterminate those destroyers of civilization, and the multitude, disillusioned with Christianity, whose deistic spirits will be from that moment without compass (direction), anxious for an ideal, but without knowing where to render its adoration, will receive the true light through the universal manifestation of the pure doctrine of Lucifer brought finally out in the public view, a manifestation which will result from the general reactionary movement which will follow the destruction of Christianity and atheism, both conquered and exterminated at the same time.

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