Saved By the Bell wasn't TV's most, well, accurate depiction of high school romance, not even among other '90s teen shows, but it got a few things right. The dinner/movie dates, the thin-lipped kisses, and, perhaps most aptly, the penchant for one-off trysts. Not one-night stands, mind you - this show was much too wholesome for that - but courtships that sizzled brightly before cooling quickly.
Time and again, Zack, Slater, Kelly, Jessie, Lisa, and Screech made what seemed like a viable romantic connection at Bayside High School, only for that paramour to disappear entirely by the next episode. It's a curious phenomenon, and one that demands some kind of explanation. And since the show itself never gave us any answers, it's up to us loyal viewers to do it ourselves.
Love interest: Zack woos a USC student named Danielle, who thinks he's in college. To maintain the ruse, Zack tasks Screech with making them fake IDs so they can get into a dance club called The Attic. Zack's mom busts them in the end, but being a hip ex-hippie and all, doesn't blow her boy's cover.
What probably happened: No longer in possession of fake IDs, Zack is forced to admit his age to Danielle, hoping that their initial connection will be enough to justify their age difference. Instead, she buys him a 7-Up and teaches Zack about "statutory rape."
Laura, Zack's Favorite Homeless Girl
Photo: NBCUniversal Television Distribution
Episode: Season 4, Episode 24-25: "Home for Christmas"
Love interest: Laura, a homeless girl with whom Zack indulges his savior complex. After their meet cute in the mall, Zack falls in love and is almost immediately overwhelmed by how he's supposed to react to her homelessness. In the end, he and his mom invite Laura and her dad to live with them.
What probably happened: 17-year olds who literally just started dating probably weren't meant to live together. Laura and Zack were more than likely at each other's throats by the time her dad got a job and moved 'em outta there.
Penny Belding, The Girl Who Fell For Screech-Zack
Photo: NBCUniversal Television Distribution
Episode: Season 3, Episode 6: "Blind Dates"
Love interest: Penny Belding, a vivacious young minx who's set up on a blind date with Zack. Zack, not wanting to miss Kelly's birthday party, slaps a blonde wig on Screech and has him go on the date. Luckily, Penny is smitten with this version of Zack and, at episode's end, takes him home for what sounds a lot like hardcore sex.
What probably happened: Screech's blonde wig fell off just as they were about to seal the deal, thus thoroughly creeping Penny out and sending our curly-headed hero out into the cold night, rumpled clothes covering his privates.
Graham, Jessie's Environmentalist Crush
Photo: NBCUniversal Television Distribution
Episode: Season 4, Episode 23: "Cut Day"
Love interest: "PLASTIC FOAM CUPS!" So shrieks Graham, the insufferable granola baby with whom Jessie shares a mutual fury. They spend "cut day" together and, one can only assume, spend all their time talking about wood pulp and polypropylene.
What probably happened: Graham chained himself to a tree in protest and was promptly bulldozed. Jessie went back to Slater, because who wouldn't?
Denise Richards, Slater's Secret Admirer
Photo: NBCUniversal Television Distribution
Episode: Season 4, Episode 12: "The Final Weekend"
Love interest: Slater begins receiving anonymous letters attached to, like, RC cars that say terrifying things like, "I want to meet you but I don't know how. I love you." Later, the woman behind those letters scares the entire beach by pretending to drown. Instead of alerting the authorities, Slater asks her out (it helps that she's played by a young Denise Richards) and informs everyone she'll be going to Bayside in the fall.
What probably happened: Well, we never see her again so let's assume there are two possibilities: a) she didn't end up going to Bayside, thereby eliminating any possibilities of a full-fledged romance; or b) she did, and Slater just completely f*cking ghosted her. What a dick.
Bad Boy Eric, Jessie's Stepbrother
Photo: NBCUniversal Television Distribution
Episode: Season 4, Episode 13-14: "The Wicked Stepbrother"
Love interest: Jessie's new New Yawkah stepbrother, Eric, moves in and within literal seconds of meeting Lisa grips her hand with force, says they should "make nice" on the beach, and asks, "You're hot for me, aren't you?" Though disgusted, she goes out with him after Zack bribes her with "front row tickets to MC Hammer." A poor Humphrey Bogart impression is all it takes to win her over, however, and Lisa soon discovers she has real feelings for him. Eric is none too pleased when he learns of the bribe - he even threatens to move back to Brooklyn - but a sincere apology (and a gentle smooch) keeps him at Bayside.
What probably happened: Or not. Despite moving in with Jessie, Eric is never seen again. Hey, he said he would only "hang around for a while," so maybe "a while" was literally, like, a few days? He seems like a bad boy, though. Maybe he was caught up in some rough stuff in New York and it followed him out there? Maybe Lisa came knocking one day and he never answered? Maybe the police still haven't found his body? Who knows, Jessie and Eric's parents probably got divorced or something.
