Internet Strangers Become Heroes When They Save A Woman From Her Gaslighting Jerk Of A Boyfriend

Relationships can be complicated. Even the best relationship filled with love and trust can be trying at times. But what happens when one partner is purposefully attempting to trick another? Or perhaps something even more dubious?

Over on Reddit, user u/mymindisinborabora reaching out to the r/relationship community to get feedback on her boyfriend, who she suspected was hiding her belongings. And what she discovered was far more sinister than a mere prank. 

Here's what happened:

 

(Note: This story has been edited due to length. For the full story, please click here.)


  • In All Started When The OP's Boyfriend Temporarily Moved In With Her

    From OP u/mymindisinborabora:

    My boyfriend of five months just moved in with me three weeks ago. He had some problems with his apartment (damp walls) and it has to be renovated. As my roommate is currently spending some time abroad, I told him it would be okay if he stayed at my place for four to six weeks (he'll be able to move back to his own apartment by that time).

    So, now we've been living together for three weeks and things started out great. Jealousy had been a bit of a problem between us because we often go out separately probably once a week, but coming home to the same apartment helped him get over his (unjustified) jealousy.

    Buuut there has been one new problem...

  • The OP Began To Notice That Small, Everyday Items Began To Disappear, Then Reappear For No Reason

    From OP u/mymindisinborabora:

    Now, this may seem petty at first, but I'm really at my wit's end with this one. Ever since he moved in with me, things started disappearing and then reappearing one day later in the same place they were missing from. I'm talking about documents, small household items, and food. And it's not like "losing" keys and then finding them again somewhere, I specifically look for something in a certain place where it isn't, but [it's] there the next day.

    For example, I like to take a chocolate bar with me to work in the morning, and for that, I normally have a pack of chocolate bars at home. Shortly after he moved in with me, I woke up to find all the chocolate was gone. I asked him about it, he said he didn't know anything about it. I come home just to find the chocolate bars are in the cupboard again! I ask him, he says he doesn't know anything about it. 

    "Maybe you just didn't see them in the morning."

    We're talking about a large pack with about 12 chocolate bars, how can I not see that?

  • The OP Suspected A Prank, But Her Boyfriend Would Get Angry Every Time She Confronted Him, Making Her Feel Crazy

    From OP u/mymindisinborabora:

    At first, I thought it was maybe some strange kind of humor, but he seems angry when I bring it up and it's starting to really piss me off, because sometimes, it's been items belonging to one of my friends that I wanted to give back to them and then couldn't, or it was certain documents I needed for a certain day.

    Now, I have absolutely no idea what this is about.

    I am not crazy, I just don't understand AT ALL.

    He gets really angry when I talk about it, saying I'm making this up just to "cause drama." Why should I? I have no idea what's going on. Any ideas?

  • Redditors Quickly Picked Up On The Many Red Flags And Responded By Educating The OP On The 'Term' Gaslighting

    From Redditor u/KaiserMuffin:

    He's gaslighting you.

    RUN.

    From OP u/mymindisinborabora:

    Someone else used that term, too. I looked it up on Urban Dictionary, but I'm not sure what it's supposed to mean. And why would someone do that? I mean, what's the goal behind it?

    From Redditor u/merpsicle:

    The goal is to make you think you're crazy so you doubt your own sanity, and he is the one in control of the situation and is always right because you are "clearly insane."

    From Redditor u/neuroanomia:

    To expand on this comment, it's a way to manipulate you and increase his control while diminishing yours. It is a set-up for an abusive relationship. It will manipulate the victim into dependency on the abuser, making the victim mentally unsure or unable to leave the relationship and often financially unable to do so or have no way to obtain the means to leave.

    You may want to question his motives here... would someone you care about and [who] supposedly cares about you also want to make you feel insane? What motive would he have to move your things then put them back?

    From Redditor u/KaiserMuffin:

    It is a tactic that would lead you to doubt yourself and in turn rely on his narrative of events. It's used to establish dominance and to coerce you. Just because he doesn't seem super smart doesn't mean he can't read the (surprisingly detailed) Wikipedia article on it.

    I also believe certain pickup artist types recommend practices like this. But it could be something he's just developed himself growing up. I once moved my Dad's hammer, hiding it in his trainers. My mum found it and nobody knew why it was there. He thought he was losing it for about a week, I think!

    Hell, he may have seen the play Gaslight the week before he met you and decided it was a surefire way to have his life go his way.

    As I said before. RUN. This behaviour is a sign of potential sociopathy or abuse.

    From Redditor u/goatismycopilot:

    The fact that he acts like you are crazy when you ask is the problem. The fact that he accuses you of trying to start drama is a problem. He wants something from you but won't articulate what it actually is. You did mention there was a jealousy issue, I don't know if these are in any way connected but they could be.

    Bottom line: You are seeing what he is like when you are living together and it is not good.

    From OP u/mymindisinborabora:

    I just read part of the Wikipedia article and it sounds scary as sh*t. What do I do? Is it wise to confront him about this? We'll be living in the same apartment for the next four to six weeks...

  • The OP Also Revealed That She Only Recently Started Dating This Man, A Huge Red Flag To Most

    From OP u/mymindisinborabora:

    I've known him for about two months, we met at a mutual friend's party. I was just out of another relationship and wasn't interested in dating, but he showered me with very romantic gifts/ gestures/ letters (which I hadn't known from any of my exes), and so we started going on dates about a month after we met. He wanted a relationship very quickly and at some point I thought, "Why not?"

    ...It was a friend's birthday at a bar and we were all quite drunk, everyone was dancing, I guess I was dancing with some other guy before I even talked to him. Until this day, he often says, "I fell in love with you at first sight, but you danced with some idiot, so I love you more." And stuff like that.

    Redditor u/lynn was quick to point out:

    Wait, he says he loves you more than you love him because you danced with someone else before you were with him? Because if that's what he's saying, that's a red flag by itself. Guilt tripping and irrationality.

  • The OP Then Admitted That Her Boyfriend 'Didn't Like It' When She Spends Time With Friends (Another Gigantic Red Flag)

    From OP u/mymindisinborabora:

    The jealousy issue was nothing special. He doesn't want me to go out with my group of girlfriends because most of them are single. I think he just has a wrong impression of what girls do on a night out. We sometimes got in a fight, but it's gotten a lot better in the last three weeks.

    From Redditor u/ilenka:

    This is not normal, it's controlling and reflects a pretty huge lack of trust. Healthy couples have their own lives and hang out with their own friends.

    I'm glad it's gotten better in the last three weeks, but you say it's because you are living together now, so it might be because he feels he has more control over you and the relationship.

    I obviously don't know him or you, so I could be very mistaken, of course, but don't brush off an unjustified jealousy issue and a desire for you to stop going out with friends as "nothing special."

    It's even more worrying when knowing about the whole hiding things from you and then trying to make it sound like "you are crazy" and "you are trying to start drama." All huge red flags.

    From Redditor u/Shareoff:

    Just to clarify, my boyfriend (and any boyfriend in a healthy-trust relationship) doesn't even flinch when I tell him I'm going to the movies with a close guy friend or something. He knows it's platonic and that I have no intention of cheating and it stays at that. This is what it should be like.

    You shouldn't feel any need to cut off any friendships with ANY of your friends unless they're aggressively flirting with you or doing something to purposefully hurt your relationship. Any sign of a boyfriend trying to stop you from hanging out with friends is a bad sign, unless he's trying to protect you from people that might harm you, but I think you'd know if that'd be the case.

    This is really a sea of red flags you're missing, this isn't a "small issue."