When you’re inviting someone over for a date, it’s hard to know exactly what movie to put on to set the mood. You don’t want to lean into the romantic aspect of your evening too hard, or else you’ll end up looking like a chump. Conversely, if you try to impress your date with whatever art house movies you have on hand, it will seem like you’re trying too hard. Both of those options are preferable to what can happen if you try to watch any of these serial killer date movies. Whether you try to play a little cinema of the grotesque while you slurp your spaghetti, or you rely too much on your knowledge of esoteric Nicolas Cage films, you’re going to have a bad night if you put on these awkward Netflix and (no) chill movies.
There must be serial killer cinephiles in the world who constantly extol the virtues of new wave French horror films to the Tinder dates that they’re trying to bed, but it’s hard to imagine them making it to a second date. Although that’s probably not your goal if you’ve got a fireman’s axe waiting in the next room. Not only are these some of the worst date movies ever, but they’re also the movies you should be wary of seeing if you go over to someone’s apartment. Even if some of these films are spectacular, they’re still terrible date movies. So unless you’re looking to Netflix and kill, these aren’t the movies to watch.
Why You Shouldn't Watch This Film on a Date: Look, everyone knows that Stanley Kubrick was a genius, but a film with a single rape scene, let alone three (maybe even four?), is cruising to make everyone uncomfortable. You're trying to show your date that you're a human being who can process emotions and have a fun time in the presence of another person, not make them fear for their life.
What You Should Watch Instead:2001: A Space Odyssey. If you aren't making out by the end of the first 20 minutes of this movie, then you need to re-think your making out strategy.
Why You Shouldn't Watch This Film on a Date: First of all, it's in French, so you're going to be reading the entire time - and reading kills romance, which everyone already knows. Also there's that whole thing about a group of philosophical extremists who torture women to within an inch of their lives so they can find out if there's a God.
What You Should Watch Instead: If you just have to watch a foreign film, throw on Wings of Desire. The movie has a melange of French, English, and German, and it's romantic while also being very weird and making you look sophisticated. You're welcome.
Why You Shouldn't Watch This Film on a Date: This could literally be any Lars Von Trier film. It's not that he doesn't make good or interesting movies; it's that his movies tend to make everyone uncomfortable. And everyone knows that the only reason you'd be watching a movie featuring close up genital mutilation with a date is because you plan on locking them in a small metal cage later that evening.
What You Should Watch Instead:Seeking a Friend for the End of the World; it's very depressing, but it's okay because Steve Carell and Keira Knightley are both charming enough to ease you into a comfy arm around the shoulder position.
Why You Shouldn't Watch This Film on a Date: Let's think: why shouldn't you sit down with a nice young man/woman to watch the four-minute David Lynch short where sculpted faces catch fire while vomiting? Is it the vomiting or the fire?
What You Should Watch Instead: If you're going for a cool, artsy vibe on your date, you're going to want to skip over David Lynch all together. Yes, he's amazing, but he doesn't exactly make the most kiss-friendly movies. Why not watch Lost in Translation instead? It's dreamy enough to convince your date that you went to art school, but it's also a traditional story featuring Bill Murray. Hope you like having sex!
Why You Shouldn't Watch This Film on a Date: Nicolas Cage is like a fine wine or cheese that was left in a cave for a decade - he's only appreciated by connoisseurs. If you put this movie on when your date arrives, you're either throwing them in the deep end so they know what they're getting out of a relationship with you, or you're dating Nicolas Cage.
What You Should Watch Instead: If you just have to watch a Nicolas Cage movie, Raising Arizona or Valley Girl are always winners. But if you're trying to impress your bae with esoteric vampire movies, why not put on The Hunger? It's 10 times sexier than Vampire's Kiss, and it stars David Bowie.
Why You Shouldn't Watch This Film on a Date: Yikes! Why would you put this on while you were with a date? First of all, nothing turns people off faster than swastika tattoos, and a curbstomping scene followed immediately by a prison rape tends to suck all of the romance out of the room.
What You Should Watch Instead: If you just grabbed the first Edward Norton movie you could find, dig a little deeper through your Amazon Prime account and find Moonrise Kingdom - no one gets curbstomped in that movie. Right?
