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Shit My Dad Says (@s***mydadsays)

Updated June 14, 2019 178.1k views42 items
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This is a list of the best tweets by @s**tmydadsays (http://www.twitter.com/s**tmydadsays) aka Justin. He's got over 1 million followers, making him a Twitter celebrity and definitely worthy of the Best of Twitter title.

About The Best of Twitter: My mission is to identify the people you should follow on twitter, point out the people you should be tweeting to and twittering with, show you how to tweet and celebrate the glory that is the twitter tweet.

Here's Justin's Twitter bio: I'm 28. I live with my 73-year-old dad. He is awesome. I just write down s**t that he says.
  • 5

    No. Humans will die out. We're weak...

    "No. Humans will die out. We're weak. Dinosaurs survived on rotten flesh. You got diarrhea last week from a Wendy's."
  • 6

    They're offended? Fuck, shit, asshole...

    "They're offended? F**k, s**t, a*****e, s**tf**k; they're just words...Fine. S**tf**k isn't a word, but you get my point."
  • 7

    You seen my cell phone?...

    "You seen my cell phone?...What’s it look like? Like two horses f**king. It’s a phone, son. It looks like a phone."
  • 8

    Stop trying so hard...

    "Stop trying so hard. He doesn't like you. Jesus, don't kiss an ass if it's in the process of s**tting on you."