No one wants to be that parent on Facebook. But how can you actually tell if you’re the absolute worst parent on Facebook? Well, it’s not easy because you likely think the 16 photos of your kid’s naptime were necessary. No, they were definitely not necessary, and none of your friends or followers like those repetitive pictures. They also didn’t like the gritty birth story you shared, the picture of your kid not knowing how to properly use a fork, or the update on your kid’s potty training. To the mind of a parent, these things are fascinating and exciting. To everyone else, it’s a tiny human who made a mess because they can’t hold a spoon. Why are we all looking at this? It simply doesn’t translate to the masses.
Being annoying online doesn’t just apply to parents. The average person can be just as annoying on social media. However, being a parent does give people a new way to inflict their followers and friends with obnoxious posts. Below we've compiled signs that you’re one of those social media parents and we’re only telling you because we love you. Well, we did love you before you gave us 76 different updates about your kid’s strep throat. That was unnecessary, Doug.
You Start Being An Annoying Parent When You Give Minute-By-Minute Updates Of Your Pregnancy
Being the "annoying parent" actually begins before the baby is even born. That’s because people who are annoying during the months of pregnancy usually continue being just as obnoxious while they’re parents. These are the soon-to-be-parents who share a photo of the growing bump every single g*ddamn day. They have the most absurd and over-the-top gender reveal party ever. Like, they pull a huge sheet off their house to reveal it’s been repainted either blue or pink and that's the gender reveal. They’ve somehow had 12 baby showers. They post about the countdown to their due date so often that all their coworkers know they have 98 days to go.
Pregnancy can be a beautiful experience, but if you post about it every day, you're probably an annoying parent.
You Shared Every Single Gory Detail Of Your Birth Story
As a result of delivery complications, about 700 women die each year in the United States during childbirth. That said, birth is serious business - you’re pushing another human being out of your body. We all get it. Still, there are parents that share their birth story on social media like it's the first birth to ever happen. Making a gory status or caption about your emergency C-section, infected stitches, hours of painful labor, or the afterbirth is totally unnecessary.
No one wants to read about how difficult the birth of your child was. Just assume everyone already knows since... well, everyone does already know that birth is difficult.
You Post Approximately 2,389 Pictures Of Your Child Per Day
It’s not that people hate seeing pictures of babies - it’s that people hate seeing multiple pictures of the same baby doing the same thing. It doesn’t matter how adorable the baby is. If someone posts 46 pictures of a baby taking a nap, all with slightly different facial expressions, that’s going to be boring. And for the record, almost everyone’s baby pictures are the same. We’ve all seen babies sleeping, babies eating, babies with food on their faces, babies smiling, and babies with a "I'm 6 Months!" sign plastered to their chest.
At the very least, think of a clever caption and maybe the 62 pictures of your baby sleeping will be tolerable. Though, they probably still won't be because no one needs to see 62 pictures of your sleeping baby.
You Share Every Single Meal From Your Child’s Organic, Vegan, Non- Dietary Plan
Everyone wants to provide their child with the best start to life they can possibly provide. For some parents, that means providing their child with a completely organic, vegan, non-GMO diet from the start. No artificial sugars. No chemicals. This is a completely fine choice to make, except when parents decide to post about it excessively.
These are the parents who proudly post the concoction of baby food they made themselves with a superfood no one can pronounce from Wakanda. Their kids happily eat avocados dusted with Chia seeds for breakfast. Hell, their kids are healthier than most of us will ever be.
If you're one of these parents, power to you for putting such effort into raising your children the healthiest way you see fit. However, it can just make the rest of us - parents and non-parents - feel like we’re somehow failing because we ate In-N-Out last Thursday. And it's also mega-obnoxious.